Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the big day. It's "cervix measuring day." I'm really trying not to think about it too much, but in the back of my mind, I'm worried. What if it got smaller? It's too soon for him to come into the world. I know the Cub would be ok if he was born now, but he'll have to be in NICU until July, stuck with tubes and sleeping in an incubator. I don't want that for him.

In a way, it doesn't really matter what the outcome is. If my cervix has gotten smaller then .9, it means Cubby is on his way sooner then later and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. If I'm still at a .9, then he will stay in the womb longer and have more of a chance to grow strong and big. Either way, it is what it is. I'm trying to stay positive and hoping that my cervix will hang in there and give me until June. I'd be happy with June.

My big challenge is staying sane. It's been two weeks in the hospital now and although I am staying positive, I'd much rather be home. I can't stomach the food here much longer. I miss my animals. I miss sleeping next to Rob. I miss cable. To be honest, I'm really really ready for the whole bed rest thing to be over. Before it was just a mental obstacle that I had to overcome. Trying to stay focused and not be a sad sack feeling sorry for myself because I'm cooped up in the same room day in and day out. But now it's becoming physical also. My sides hurt from having to sleep on them. I can't sleep on my back because it cuts off circulation. My sides feel bruised and it's it getting tougher and tougher to find a comfortable position to sleep. My joints are starting to ache from being in a bed for three weeks straight. I try to do small exercises and stretches but it's not enough. I can't imagine having to do this for another month. But that's the funny part. I hope with all my might that I get to because it means a better chance of less complications for the baby.

So where does that leave me? It's a lot to ask, but I'm hoping there is a way we can compromise. Perhaps I can at least get released to finish bed rest at home, and that the Cub stays in there as long as possible.

In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can. Rob makes this whole experience much more bearable with his daily visits. He always seems to bring happiness and hope with him and it recharges my batteries every time. Lanie is awesome and brings me Ruby's and a ton of stimulating conversation. My Mom stops by every day with fresh fruit, her knitting and an update on what's happening in the outside world. Lexi brings her sunshine, flowers, magazines, candy and can always make me laugh so hard. Marcus and Megs always bring the most amazing flowers and tales of their fun and crazy adventures. Courtney brings my adorable nephews and her positive energy. Everyone that comes to visit brings something with them that helps in some small way. I'm so lucky to have all these people in my life and they all make a difference. The Cub is so blessed to be able to call these people his family because they will teach him so much. I can't wait for him to meet them all.....actually, I can wait...until at least June....