Lock Down

This whole hospital bed rest thing is tough. I'm doing ok, hanging in there, but I have to be honest. this is so much tougher then you would ever imagine. I look out the window and life is just going on without me. My days are all same, my view is the same, my restlessness is the same. I'm itching to bust out of here, but know I have to stay put. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I live here now, as much as I'd rather be at the Jungle House. This is my home from the time being. My only salvation thus far has been that I get to go home at the 30 weeks mark. Yes, I'll still be on bed rest, but I'll be in my own home. I'll get to sleep next to Rob. I'll have cable. The more I thought about it, the more I was feeling better about the whole thing. It was a couple weeks out of my life and while frustrating, not the end of the world.

My ObGyn, who had been on vacation this whole time, finally came to see me on Monday and asked how I was doing. I told her I was fine, no contractions, no bleeding, no swelling, no cramping, no nothing, just an incompetent cervix. She told me that's good and to keep it up. I said "and I will get to go home at 30 weeks, right?" This is the part where my world came crashing down. (Yea, dramatic I know but hear me out.) She told me that she will probably keep me here. I said, "um ok, until when?" She said "probably until you have the baby." I couldn't believe it. How could this be? I'm not due until July! And it's only April! I mean, I know my chances of going to term are pretty much none, but still. My two weeks sentence has just been extended indefinitely.

Now more then ever I need to stay focused and positive. Friday will be my 29 week mark. My first goal is to reach 30 weeks safely, so I'm well on my way. My cervix will be remeasured next week and I'm praying that it has stayed at .9cm and not gotten any smaller. The best case scenario is that it got bigger, but I guess that doesn't really happen.

Thank goodness I have wonderful friends and family to keep me sane. They have all helped so much and I'm so grateful. Rob has been so great and without a doubt has gotten me to this point. He always makes me feel so calm and focused and hopeful, not to mention happy, overjoyed and completely smitten:) I'm definitely blessed in a big way and thank my lucky stars.

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