34 weeks! Hell Yea!!!

Well, here we are. Me and Cubby at 34 weeks. They said we wouldn't make it and look at us now. I had a doctors appointment yesterday for a check up and everything looks good. Cub's heartbeat is strong, my blood pressure and weight is great so I'm very happy. The only bummer is I have to stay on bed rest for another two weeks. Boo!!! I'm going to make a couple slight tweaks to that prescription because there are just things that HAVE to be done. For instance, Rob and I are going to register for the baby shower this weekend. Sure, I could do it online, but I just want to experience some of the fun of being pregnant. I am borrowing a friends wheelchair so don't start sending me your hate mail just yet.

We have our hospital bag packed ready to go, just in case. It's so crazy to think this is the home stretch now. All this time, care, ups and downs....they are about to come to fruition..and the end result will be a beautiful baby boy. I'm 8 months pregnant, feel as big as a house and am ready to do this. I'm hoping Cub stays in there another month, but who knows. Once I reach 36 weeks, I no longer have to be on bed rest and can do whatever I want...YAY!It's definitely a big difference being 34 weeks pregnant to being 30 weeks pregnant. I'm finding it harder to sleep at night with having to get up every couple of hours to pee. My body aches from all the changes happening, getting ready to give birth. The activity going on inside is crazy! I sit back on the bed and see his little tiny feet push up against my belly, kicking his little heart out. I got the gnarliest heartburn last night...ugh...I thought I was going to die. It's harder to sit up in bed, to get work done, to get comfortable. But all that being said, it's a very small price to pay to keep Cubster happy and healthy.

I'm trying to mentally trying to wrap my head around the idea that our son is so close to making his entrance into this world....that it's almost show time. Wow. Are we ready? I think that's subjective but I feel like we are. We don't expect things to go a certain way, we don't expect it to be a walk in the park. But whatever it takes, wherever this journey take us....we're going to be doing it together. And that's all I really need to know. I know we make a great team and I can't wait to start this next chapter of our lives together.

Beach Day

Memorial Day was great. Rob and I, my family and his brothers family cruised down to the beach and had a BBQ, enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. It felt so good to be outside and to socialize and be not have to miss out on the event. It was awesome to spend time with everyone and have our two families hang out together.
p.s. Steve isn't really peeing in the outside shower, he's just being Steve lol

Sick Romey

I'm really worried about Romeo, my sweet kitty. He's not well. Last week he tried to cough up a hair ball, which isn't that unusual. He's got long hair and is constantly cleaning himself..this involves a lot of licking his fur. Eventually that fur has gotta come out so he coughs a few times and bam, it come out. I thought that was what was happening last week, but after a couple of days he still hadn't got it out. Then he started to make this little kitty whining noise, dry heave, trying to cough it out but just white bile would come out. He started to look a little on the thin side and we noticed he wasn't eating or drinking much. We thought maybe he just had a really stubborn hair ball and we'd try some stuff that helps loosen in up so he could cough it out. But then on Sunday Rob noticed that Romeo's pee was almost neon yellow. This is a sign of dehydration and not good. I tried to get Romes to drink some water, which he did, but then he promptly threw it up. We tried one more day of getting him to eat or drink something, but he had no interest. He's just lying next to me, weak and sad and it breaks my heart. Rob is going to take him to the vet today so we can see what's going on with the little buddy. I'm really worried about him and can't help but cry to see him like this. It's a hard thing to understand if you're not a cat person, but Romeo is my baby in a way. I've had him since he was 4 weeks old and he's now 6 years old. He's been with me through all my good and hard times, moved houses with me, has always loved me unconditionally...I just want him to be ok. Please let him be ok.

Feelin it

Tuesday will mark seven weeks on bed rest and I'm trying my best to stay up beat and postive about it all... I have a Dr's appointment on Thursday to see where my cervix is measuring in at and I'm hoping it's not too different from two weeks ago (.9cm) If all is good, I will be promoted to moderated bed rest. This means I won't be bound to the bed at all times. It's definitely been more difficult to remain in bed at all times but I think I have been good regardless.

That being said, tomorrow is memorial day and I NEED to get out of this house, even if it's only for a couple of hours. We're going to join my family for a little BBQ on the beach and I'm really looking forward to it. Don't worry, I'm not going to be doing cartwheels on the sand or diving into the ocean. I'll be parked on a lounger while I watch everyone else get to frolic in the sunshine. But hey, it's better then being stuck in my house for yet another day. I will welcome the ocean air, the cool breeze and taking in fresh air. The ocean is something that can always make me happy. The sound of the waves, the salty scent, the endless view of the deep blue water. It instantly makes me calm and happy.

Things have been going pretty good. I feel closer and closer to having the baby, and not just because the weeks are getting checked off one at a time. I feel worn out more. I'm sleeping A LOT less due to constant kicking all night long and having to get up to pee every hour. My back has started to ache here and there and it is harder to breath because the baby is taking up all the room. The kicking is crazy to me. He loves to stick his little feet in between my ribs and just kind of hang out there. Instead of the usual soft kicks they are much harder and more constant. I can actually see my belly jut out when pushes his feet against it. So weird but so cool. It's much harder to move around these days. The belly is big and is taking on a life of it's own. I've gained a total of 20 lbs and I still have just over a month to go.

Wow. That sounds pretty crazy to say......that's no time at all. Thank goodness the baby's room is starting to take shape. Mom, Lexi and Boss came over on Saturday and helped get things sorted out, organized and hung up. The room is ready for some paint and a crib, some art hung up on the wall, all his little tiny clothes hung in his closet. Yup, it's definitely taking shape and I can't wait to see the end result.

What a difference a year makes. Last Memorial day we were all over at Lanie's for a BBQ, we started drinking at noon and went through the night. It was an awesome day of hanging out with friends, playing chicken foot and having the time of our lives. Not a care in the world. Fast forward a year and life couldn't be more different. Not bad, just different. Now instead of partying my ass off I'm waddling to the rest room every 45 mins and feeling my son kick like it's going out of style. Yes, it's completely different from last Memorial day but I can honestly say I am happier overall now. More content, more at peace. I'm in a great relationship, about to start a new chapter in my life and excited to do so. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss being able to let loose, have some drinks and party it up. Thankfully I have a great family who is very supportive and loving, so I'm sure Rob and I will still be able to have the occasional night out. But now it's time to experience something else. Being a Mom. Having a family with the man I love. Now is our time and I can't wait for it to begin.

Ready or Not

I wasn't entirely sure I would be able to have a baby. I had tried in the past for over a year and nothing. I tried going to a specialist, getting on all kinds of medication including fertility drugs...but still nothing. I was sort of resigning myself to the idea that maybe it just wasn't in the cards for me. I tried to tell myself that I was ok with that, and a part of me was. But there was a big part of me that felt like, wait a second, this isn't my destiny. I'm supposed to have a kid, I've been training for it my whole life with my own younger brother and sister, cousins, friends babies etc. But it just wasn't happening for me.

Eventually I stopped the fertility drugs and in time, ended my relationship The two aren't connected, it's just the way things worked out in the end. Neither were easy to do and I don't mean to make it sound so blase here, but there's really no need to go into the details. If you know me, you know them and they speak for themselves. All I could do was pick myself up off the floor and push myself to move forward.

Now here I am, in a great relationship with someone I feel truly connected to, and we're expecting a baby any day now. This pregnancy wasn't planned....in fact it was whatever the complete opposite of planned is. The timing was completely terrible, the fall out was devastating brutal and the emotional roller coaster was enough to make most people just want to give up. But that was never an option. Not because I couldn't give up, but because I didn't want to. The situation was by far the most difficult one I have ever faced but it was all worth it for love. No matter how bad it got, and it got BAD, at the end of the day, it was always still him and I. He made everything worth it. And he still does. Loving him and being loved by him.....it was the light at the end of the tunnel. And it still is.

Having a baby was the last thing on our mind, but for whatever reason, it was our time. The timing was decided by the big man upstairs, I truly believe that. For whatever reason, this gift was given to us and now here we are, almost at the end of the pregnancy, but the journey is just beginning.

You can spend your whole life trying to control your destiny, but at the end of the day, it's out of your hands. When it hits you, you'll be ready, even if you think you're not. You'll surprise yourself. Everything happens for reason. If it's not happening for you right now, maybe it's just not your time. But your time will come. And when it does, it will all have been worth it.

Bases covered

Just incase I go into labor, I got myself all set up to blog from my
iPhone. I know what you're thinking...that if I go into labor,
blogging will be the last thing on my mind. But you never know...I
just want to be prepared in case I feel like doing a little post or two.

This post was brought to you by my iPhone. Thank you technology!

Sent from my iPhone

32 week victory

Sorry for the lapse in writing, but it's for a great reason. I got paroled from Hoag! Yay! I got measured on Wednesday and I was still at .9cm so on Thursday I got released!!! It was a great feeling! Rob got there about 4pm, the nurse brought in the wheelchair, I settled in and off we went. I can't even begin to describe the ecstasy that was fresh air on my face. Oh wow. Amazing. I couldn't stop smiling...it felt like seeing everything again for the first time. Yea, I know thats a smidge dramatic, but I don't care.

More big news, I hit the 32 week mark! Yay!!! I'm so happy that we made it this far, and that Cub is hanging in there like a good boy. I have an appointment with Dr. Diaz next week for a check up and then the following week to get remeasured. I feel like it's getting close to go time because the baby is so low and I'm feeling all kinds of aches and pains that I wasn't before. He's kicking a whole lot more, my hips and joints are super sore and I'm getting the lovely back ache that I haven't had this whole time. My goal is to make it to 37 weeks. Yes, I know it's a lofty aspiration, but I figure go big or go home. I think if I make it to 34 weeks I will be on modified bed rest instead of strict bed rest. The difference is being able to get up and move around here and there. Of course that raises the chances of Cub coming sooner, but I figured, when it's time, he'll make his appearance.

Now that I'm home, I have to admit it's much tougher to be on bed rest. I just want to get out of bed and organize things, do laundry etc. Don't worry, I'm not doing that, I'm just saying that the urge is very strong. In the hospital, it's sort of out of sight, out of mind. There was nothing to do but sit in my hospital bed and pass the time by working or watching tv. Now that I'm out, the things I want to do are all around me. It's somewhat more upsetting because I can hear people outside with their music blasting getting ready to go somewhere. Anywhere. In the hospital I'm pretty much isolated so there aren't as many reminders of all the things I can't do.

That being said, I'm MUCH rather be home then at Hoag. Being able to sleep in my own bed, next to Rob, is the best feeling ever. Being home with the puppies and kitties makes me happy. I think I'm just overwhelmed with everything that still needs to be done before the baby gets here. I thought for a while that it wasn't all that important if we waited to put the nursery together until after Cubby was born, but I have realized that's not entirely true. There have been so many ups and downs with this pregnancy, it would be really nice to have something fun to focus on. The catch is, of course, that I can't do anything to get the nursery ready...ugh! I kind of felt like that's part of being a soon to be mom. A right of passage if you will. You're carrying this baby for nine months, one of the perks is getting to be hands on in getting the nursery ready.

But ok, I can't, wah wah, I need to get over it. This is me getting over it..........*deep breath*.....ok, I'm over it. Instead I'm going to enlist the help of my Mom, Lexi and Rob to transform the "spare room full of boxes" into "Cubby's Kick Ass Nursery." Yes, that's the official name. I think it will be awesome to be able to peek into the room and see it all ready for our son to be here. Not that I dont believe it already, but it will really make everything real. A crib, little tiny clothes hung up, diapers stacked up....yea, I think it's time.

Hoping for parole

Today marks one month that I have been at Hoag on bedrest. It's crazy to think about...4 weeks of sitting in the same bed, only getting up to pee and shower. Looking at the same four walls, looking out the window at the same view. Not hearing a bird chirp or feel fresh air on my face. I don't even have any idea what's outside my door. But I'm proud of myself for getting through it without going totally insane. I could never have done it without my family and friends and definitly Rob. He has been amazing and has taken the time every day, twice a day to be here with me. I couldn't ask for a more supportive partner through this journey.

Tomorrow is the big day. My cervix will be re-measured and fingers crossed that I'm still at .9cm. If I am, then I will get to go home and finish my bed rest there. I have been a model patient, doing everything they ask of me, so I'm hoping it's paid off. I really can't think about spending another week in this hospital room. I will keep thinking positive and visualize my cervix being .9cm and getting released to the outside world.

I'm excited about getting measured because I think they might also do an ultrasound so I can see Cubby. I'm dying to see how he's doing in there. On average, he should be about 4lbs and 17" by now. He is so super active all day long, kicking and punching and flipping. The nurse said babies at his stage take 20 min naps throughout the day, but it usually feels like he goes all day long without getting any shut eye.

Sunday was my first Mothers Day:) For a gift, Cubby gave me my first contraction! I was asleep when it happened, but my nurse told me about it and said it's nothing to worry about. I guess he just wanted to say "Hi Mom! I love you!"

It's surreal to celebrate that day as a mother not just as a daughter. Some might say that I'm not a Mom yet because he hasn't been born yet. But the way I look at it is, if I wasn't a mother, I wouldn't have been on bed rest for 5 weeks. I wouldn't have made the sacrifices that I have over the past 7 months. I wouldn't be waddling around and peeing every 20 minutes. So no, maybe Cub hasn't been brought into the world yet, but he's in my world and I'm in his. My life is different because of him, so I consider myself a Mom. I know I have tons to learn and I will make mistakes along the way, but that's all part of the ride and I can't wait for every bump and twist and turn.

31 week belly

We're at 31 weeks and here's the belly shot to prove it. I can hardly believe how biiiig I've gotten since I've been in the hospital! But bring it on...bigger belly means Cub is getting bigger too and that's all I could ask for. He's been getting the hiccups a lot lately and it's so cute (and totally weird) to feel him there jumping around from them. I still don't know if I have totally wrapped my head around the fact that he's an actual baby in there! I look at the picture from my "31 weeek" entry and think "woah...does he really look like that?" It's beyond anything I have experienced before, to feel him kicking and squirming all day long. He's always moving and the nurses have told me he'll be the same once he's here too. I anticipate an active baby that doesn't want a lot of sleep lol. He's going to be so loved, not only by Rob and I but by his aunties, uncles, cousins, yia yia, bapou, everyone! He'll grown up knowing the meaning of a close family and always having love and support and unconditional love. What greater gift is there?

Believe it because it's true

To my Skillet:
I feel good about this:)

Love

It's amazing how falling in love with the right person and can change your life. They can make you see the world differently. They can open your eyes to things that you've never seen, even though they were right in front of you the whole time. They can make you feel a euphoria that you thought only existed in romantic comedies. They can inspire you to be kinder to others and have a spring in your step. They can help you through the toughest times of your life and get you to the other side in one piece. They can make you want to work harder, do better and live life to the fullest. They can wipe away a bad day just by wrapping their arms around you. They can make you believe in love.......really believe. They can make you forget that you ever felt hurt, pain, sorrow or sadness. They can make you laugh until your sides ache. They can make your favorite place to be anywhere they are. And if you're lucky enough to find someone that effects your life in this way, know that you are blessed.

I am blessed.
xoxoxo

Birthday Boy

Happy 3rd Birthday to my amazing, wonderful, sweet,

funny and awesome Godphew Nicolas!

Happy 31 weeks to us

Today is another milestone...we hit the 31 week mark. It's a relief to know that Cubby is growing bigger and stronger every day. He has use of all his senses now and has his eyes open. Here's what else is happening in his world:

"This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long.
He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges)
and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side,
and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat
accumulates underneath his skin. He's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy."

It makes me so happy to hear about how he's progressing every week and to know that every day is vital for him to stay in there and keep cooking. When I look at the picture above, it's hard to fathom that there is a baby that big in my tummy. Our baby. Our Cubby. Incredible.

Hopefully I will be going home a week from today. My doctor said that I have to get re-measured before I leave to make sure that my cervix is still at .9 cm and hasn't gotten any smaller. I feel confident that I will pass the test and be able to go home. I have to....it's time. Next week will be a month that I have been in the hospital and needless to say, I've had my fill.

I'm getting a lot more tired lately. It's hard to get much rest in a hospital when nurses are coming in every half an hour. It's taking more out of me to get work done every day but I'm thankful I have the opportunity to still work.

I'm getting very excited about being so close to the baby being here but also completely unprepared. The baby's room is still just a room with boxes in it,. I have no idea what to do in there. Do we paint? Do we leave it as it is? We don't have any baby items, not even a diaper! Well, ok, that's not true, we have tons of clothes for him. This kid is hooked up in a major way, but let's be real here, there are things like a car seat and stoller that we will most likey need in addtion to all those clothes. I can't help but feel helpless because I'm still unable to do any organizing or unpacking and it's just so frustrating. I know there is nothing I can do about it, and I will just have to find a way to deal with the fact that my hands are tied for the time being.

Because of the difficult nature of my pregnancy these past five weeks, I had to cancel our baby classes. You know the ones, where they tell you how to breath through contractions and how/when to push/not to push, basically the ABC's of giving birth. Because of this, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what a contraction feels like, I don't know how far apart they should be before heading to the hospital, I don't know who, if anyone, I'm supposed to call when that happens (it seems in the movies people call their doctor to tell them?) Rob and I are pretty much flying totally and completely blind with this whole thing. But you know what? I'm not too worried about it. I figured that the nurses will tell me when to push, when to breath etc and as long as I have Rob there holding my hand, cheering me on I know it will be ok. We make a really great team and he has a way of keeping me calm and focused. Maybe I'm being completely naive about the whole thing, but I feel confident in us and the staff here at Hoag, and I'm good with that.

Shoe Lust

Yet another pair of shoes to put in my "lusting over" file. They are Tony Bianco and come in under $200. Not bad!

He lives?

13 years after Tupacs death, he was spotted in New Orleans! Ok, maybe not, but maybe.....doesnt this look just like him? Eerie!

Doctors orders

Tomorrow will be three weeks that I have been on hospital bed rest. Add that to the week I did at home before I came here and I'm looking at a month total. Getting the good news last week about my cervix remaining at .9 cm was wonderful, but what I was really holding my breath about was the verdict from Dr. Diaz on if I could go home or not.

Well, I don't get to bust outta here right now BUT she did say if I haven't had the baby by 32 weeks, I would get to finally go home! Yay! I will have to remain on strict bed rest when I go home of course, but I'll take it! I am dying to go home and sleep in my own bed! Dr. Diaz also said that if I happen to make it to 34 weeks, that I don't have to be on strict bed rest anymore, but still have to be cautious and take things waaaaay easy. Basically, if I make it to 34 weeks it would be pretty amazing and it would be ok for the baby to be born. I of course would love to defy the odds and get to 35 weeks. You know, just to prove them wrong.

It's definitely making it a easier to deal with the time here knowing there's an end date. Although 2 weeks is still longer then I would have liked, I'm can't complain. I will just power through it and keep my chin up.

Lexi did the most amazing thing on Sunday! She came to visit me and brought Bella! yay!


I love that puppy, she got me through some really tough times while Rob and I were apart during the first half of my pregnancy. It's amazing what the unconditional love of an animal can do to lift your spirits. But, that's not even the most amazing part. You know how a while ago I blogged about growing to really dislike that boat painting in my room because I have to stare at it all day long? Well, she took care of that problem! My wonderful sister printed out a bunch of photos of my family and taped them over the painting, creating the most bad ass collage ever!

Bye bye boat!

The finished product
A close up view
Even the cupboard under the tv got the Lexi treatment:)
Bella hung out on the bed with me and was obviously exhausted from all the commotion lol

The new view from bed is so awesome now. It gives me the energy and focus to hold onto my sanity for two more weeks. I see all those smiling and loving faces and I'm reminded of how lucky I am in every way. Especially to have a sister as awesome as Lex that took time out of her busy schdeule to do something so fantastic. I love you babe!!!

over it

I would be absolutely fine if I never saw the following commericals again:
-----1-800 Dentist (that girl in the elevator is so smug and annoying)
-----El Pollo Loco (is it really necessary to always play them two at a time?)
-----Canada (the blair witch approach isn't very original)
-----Nutri-system with Valerie Bertinelli (yes, she looks great, but hello over kill)
-----Subway (that "$5 footlong song gets stuck in my head)

Oh how I miss my tivo.

Skillet