Milestone

My little boo boo is one month old today! I can't believe its been 4 weeks since he was born. On the one hand, it feels like it was just yesterday but on on the other, it feels like it has been months and months. It was so scary and difficult at the beginning. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Not that I really know now, but I can say it's more comfortable. And predictable. I know that he's going to sleep fine during the day and not want to get any shut eye at night. I know I'm going to be exhausted in the morning because he's been fussy all night and that I should probably sleep when he does, but won't. I know he's going to chug down his formula like someone is trying to take it away from him. I know that he can eat three ounces during the day and four at night. I know that he doesn't like wind or a breeze on him. I know he loves to snuggle. I know he has a sensitive little tummy and has a tough time with passing his formula. I know that he will spit up his bottle at least once a day. I know that he's a good boy and will come with me to run errands, or with Rob and I around town, or out to dinner. It's not so scary as it was the first couple of weeks. My Mom said we would find our own routine, and she was right. And now here we are....a month later and my baby boy is getting bigger and I love him more and more with each day that passes.

low

3 weeks and we're all still alive!

Being a parent is the most difficult thing I have ever done. It's a beautiful and wonderful experience, but in the beginning, it can also make you feel like you're falling apart. It's really hard for people that are non parents to understand the emotional difficulty one goes through at the start. No matter how prepared you think you are, you are not even close. It can get into my head and over take my emotions at times. This is commonly referred to as the "baby blues." I hate it and I wish it would hurry up and pass. But it's here now and I have to learn to deal with it.
It's quite a roller coaster with the hormones doing their thing, and I'm sure it can be confusing or frustrating for someone that doesn't get it. For the most part, I'm fine. But I do have those moments where I suddenly feel overwhelmed and in a way, mourn my old life, when it was just Rob and I. I miss us partying it up on the weekends, going to concerts, being carefree and totally selfish in a way. That sounds bad, but I don't mean it to. I love my new life, it just takes a little getting used to. I've found that spending quality time with Rob and the baby, as a family, helps. Getting out the house together and running errands, or even just some quiet time with Rob at home. I think what's comforting about it is having the feeling of "yes, things are different now, but it's ok. We're ok."

It's a struggle at times, that life is so different and I'm trying to transition into this new one. I know that it will get easier and it's not an ongoing feeling by any means. Being a Mom is a lonely job at first, and that's not something people really ever tell you. Your home alone a lot, just you and the baby. Don't get me wrong, I treasure those moments that I get to spend with my little precious boy and am thankful that for right now, I'm able to. I guess it's somewhat of an identity crisis. I want to remind myself and be reminded that I'm not just a Mom now, but I'm still Gina, and I'm still Rob's girl and we can still have our time too. With so many changes I think I'm just desperate to feel some comfort of what has been a constant. That we love each other. That we have fun together. Luckily, there are lots of things that can help. It's amazing what a little extra love and attention can do. I'm thankful I have a partner that can make me feel better just by putting his arms around me. It's an instant pick me up and works every time.

As the days pass, I'm getting more comfortable with being a Mom and trying to get into some kind of schedule. it's not so terrifying to put him in his car seat and drive with him in the car. I've got the whole diaper changes, feedings and bottle washing thing down pat. That part is a never ending cycle, but it comes with the territory. One thing that is unbelievable is the sleep deprivation and it's taking a little longer to get used to. Dominic hasn't ever slept well at night, even though he sleeps just fine during the day. That's how he was when he was in my belly. Mostly quiet during the day but once evening came he was all kicks and somersaults. I don't think he likes his bassinet, or more specifically, laying down flat. He has been sleeping at night for about 30-45 mins at a time and it was taking its toll on me. If Rob wasn't so awesome I'm sure I would have lost it. He'll take over when I need it and stay up with him at 3am or so until he has to go to work. A couple of nights ago we tried letting Cub sleep in his swing, and lo and behold, he slept for 2 hours at a time. Woo Hoo!

Rob is such a great Dad, just like I knew he would be. He's totally hands on and I couldn't do this without him. We're so lucky to have an awesome kid like Dominic. He's such a good boy. We take him with us when we run errands, car shop, go out to eat, Home Depot runs. He's gone to the office with me a bunch of times and is a trooper. Even though the lack of sleep is still something I'm trying to adjust to, whenever I look at his sweet little face, it makes it all worth it. He's growing right in front of my eyes. He'll be three weeks tomorrow and already he's changing. I love everything about him. His little hands and feet. His cute little stretches when he wakes up from a nap. His sweet little mouth when he makes his kissy faces. He is unbelievable and I still am kind of in shock that he's ours!

Checking in

We have officially made it past the one week mark and I'm please to report that we are all still alive and in good health. It's been a rough 10 days, but I feel like it might just be getting a little easier. Dominic seems to be eating more which in turn means sleeping more. He's doing 2-3 hour sleeping runs instead of 1 hour runs, so that lets me get more shut eye. He's gone from eating 1-2 fl oz per feeding to eating 3-4 fl oz! And he gulps is down like someone is trying to take it away from him. His birth weight was 6lbs 5 oz and then dropped to 5lbs 4 oz (which is normal as birth weight includes a lot of fluid) but I'm happy to report that he's now weighing in at 7lbs 4 oz! He has his first doctors appointment last week and everything looks great. His pediatrician is the same one I went to as a kid, and Dimitri, Alexia and Marcus. Now my nephews go there and so does Cubby!

It's been a definite adjustment to having a little cub around the house, but I think we're getting there. He's such a good boy and adjusting well too. Rob has been an awesome hands on Dad and it's sometimes surreal to watch as he holds Dominic. His little mini me looks up at him with his bog beautiful eyes open wide. I can't believe we're here. HERE! It was quite the journey but we made it one piece. I'm so thankful for the blessings we have and am proud of us for sticking through it.

I'm still recovering from the whole "give birth" thing. I'm still sore and some days very sore. I've been told I will feel better sooner if I just stay off my feet and sleep when the baby sleeps and not try to do chores, but I'm having a tough time with that. I'm doing the laundry, dishes, cleaning when I can, when Dominic is sleeping.....I don't want Rob to have to do it after working hard all day. But I can start to feel that it's hindering my recovery so I may just have to bite the bullet and sit a few sessions out. I don't want to have a messy house, but let's be honest, when you have a newborn under your roof, the house suffers. I think part of it also is that people want to come by and visit us and I feel somewhat uncomfortable if my house is a mess. Why can't I just let that go? I'm going to try really hard to just that and focus on healing and feeling better.


I've experienced a bit of the baby blues here and there. The whole crying for no real apparent reason or feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed. It has been brief, but it has reared it's head a little bit. I'm sure it also has to do with lack of sleep and being a first time Mom. I find that I am craving affection and closeness, almost like reassurance that I'm not just a new Mom, but I'm still a woman, I'm still G. It's hard to describe really but I'm sure it will start to fade soon. And lets be honest, who can really feel blue when looking at Dominic? He's so little and beautiful and sweet and melts my heart every time without fail.

We're still shopping for a momma-mobile and I think we're close to zooming in on something. It's crazy how little there is to choose from right now. Every time we find something online that we like and we go down to the dealership to look at it, it's gone. The pickins are slim but we'll get there.

I'm wondering when I will feel back to normal, as much as possible with a new baby of course. I've been getting out a little bit with him...doctors office, my Dad's birthday, the office...but it's still something that isn't totally natural. I mean, it's only been a little over a week, so I guess I have time to fall into that but I'm just wondering when that happens. I am trying hard to not fall off the face of the earth with my family and friends, but having a new Cubby is very time consuming and exhausting so I think it will take time to learn how to balance it all. I hope they will understand that I'm not blowing them off or can't be bothered now that I have a baby. It's all about balance and I'll get there eventually.

Overall, life is great. I have a gorgeous, sexy boyfriend that makes me laugh and is an amazing partner in this whole experience. We have a beautiful baby boy that's healthy and growing right before our very eyes. We have loving and supportive friends and family around us. Yes, life is very different now, but different isn't so bad.

Dominic Marcus McCool

Well, the day finally came for Cubby to make his entrance into this world. Dominic Marcus McCool was born on July 3rd, 2009 at 8:59am. He weighed 6lbs 5 oz and measured in at 18.5 inches.


After the many months of waiting, all the ups and downs, the bed rest and scares we had along the way...he was so worth the wait. He's perfect in every way. His little fingers and toes, his full head of black hair, his sweet little mouth...it's all just incredible and beautiful and still hard to believe.

I went into labor at 1am on Friday, July 3rd and moved pretty quickly from 3 cm dilated to 6 cm. By the time we got to the hospital and I got my epidural (thank God for the drugs!) I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. Luckily there were no complications and everything went better then we could have ever hoped. We had two awesome nurses that showed me how to breathe and push (we had to bail on our Lamaze classes due to me being on bed rest) and their guidance coupled with Robs awesome coaching and encouragement made for a quick delivery.

Don't get me wrong, if it hadn't been for the epidural, I might have just died. The excruciating pain of the contracts caught me off guard. I was ready for painful, even really really painful..but nothing like how it actually went down. Wow. That was some gnarly shit.....wow. The epidural was painful too, and got worse when my water broke in the middle of it. But in the end, it was of course all worth it because our son is beautiful and precious and my pride and joy.

He spent a few days in the NICU due to jaundice, and even though it's a very common thing in newborns, it was still hard for me when I first saw him in the incubator. After a few tears, I stopped blaming myself and turned my attitude around, ready to cheer my son on. He conquered it like a champ and we got to bring him home yesterday. He's had more shots and blood tests then any newborn should have, and I cried for almost all of them, but the important part is that he's doing great now!

I'm still trying to get into some kind of routine with the feedings, which have been tough. Breastfeeding has always been our first choice but it has been much more difficult then I ever imagined. I have had practically every nurse help me and the lactation specialists coach and guide me but I'm still having a hard time with it. I've been supplementing with formula to make sure Dominic is getting all the food he needs, but it's still somewhat disappointing. I kind of feel like I'm letting him down, even though I know it's not my fault. It's exhausting and stressful to keep pushing it when there isn't the result you're hoping for, but I will keep trying my best and see where it goes.

There isn't a whole lot of sleep happening yet but I think that will come in time. He does ok during the day, sleeping for about 2 hours at a time then feeding and diaper change and back to sleeping. But at night time he's a little more fussy and doesn't sleep as much. I'm doing ok so far but definitely feel tired. I'm trying to sleep when he does as that's the number one piece of advice I've been given from people, but it's not always that simple. Once I get him to sleep, I have a small window to get a couple things done like empty the dishwasher or do a load of laundry. Once I do that, I crawl into bed and close my eyes. Once I fall asleep it's not long after that he's back up and ready to eat. All that being said, it's so worth it. To look at his sweet little face when he's in my arms, looking up at me....there is nothing like that feeling.

Rob has been amazing. He's such a natural with Cub and is a pro at diaper changing and rocking him to sleep. It goes without saying that son looks exactly like father and to see them together is something pretty amazing. Dominic knows it's his Daddy and is always very calm in his arms.

Just as I predicted, the hospital let us leave with him, just like that. It's crazy that we are now responsible for him and I have to admit, it's pretty overwhelming at times. I'm trying not to be an overly worried new Mom, but I admit I do check a hundred times to make sure he's breathing. But I think my fears will ease in time, as he gets bigger and isn't so fragile. In the mean time, I will do my best. I have had tons of experience with babies and kids and really didn't think I'd feel this unprepared. But it is SO different when it's your child. There are times that I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. But these are the lessons learned, all part of the journey. I just have to trust my instincts and ask for help when I need it.

Dominic is such a sweet little boy in every sense of the word. I can still hardly believe he's here and the waiting is over. I look over at him and just sort of stare. He's so cute and small and his little mouth makes the funniest faces. I love him so much and am so glad he's finally in our lives!

the big three nine

Soooo...here we are.....39 weeks......wow! I can't believe it. I went to the doc today and I'm almost 3 cm dilated! That's more then some women when they are in active labor and at the hospital! Basically, all I'm missing are the contractions. Basically, if I was having contractions, I'd be well on my way to bringing Cub into the world. But no contractions means no labor. I guess it's for the best as my Doc told me that Hoag is packed right now and they had to put some Mom's in an operating room to give birth instead of one of the nice and fancy birthing rooms with the gorgeous view. She said it could happen any minute or not....yea, so there's no real way to tell. Ugh. So the waiting game continues. But the good news is Cubby is doing great. His heartbeat is right where it needs to be and he's just happily taking his time. This is what happens when you tell my son he might come out too early.....

Still waiting

I find myself alternating between crazy excitement about finally meeting my baby and crazy panic about oh my God, I'm finally going to meet my baby and they're going to expect that I take him home and like, keep him alive and stuff. How is it that they let you just leave the hospital with a newborn? There's no test needed? No credentials required? It's harder to take a book out of the library then it is to take home a human life.

All joking aside, I'm super excited for Cub to get here. I guess he's going to be a July baby after all! We're in the home stretch now and the anticipation is killing me. I know that it's obviously going to completely change our lives, but I feel confident that Rob and I are going to know what to do. I think we were destined for this and the Big Guy upstairs won't steer us wrong. I think one of the things, maybe the only thing, I'm nervous about is the lack of sleep. Not that I sleep all that much right now. I'm still getting up every hour to pee so that translates into not much shut eye. I suppose I'm just nervous that I'm going to be running on empty and that I'll be cranky and it interfer with being a good Mom to Cub and a good girlfriend to Rob. I guess it will be all about adjusting and making the most of the situation at hand. It will take some getting used to, but that's just part of the journey.

I'm feeling pretty good still. There are definitley moments where my body hurts, the pains and aches are almost too much and I just want to have the baby and be done with it. One of the toughest things has been Restless Leg Syndrome. It kicks in when I'm trying to get to sleep and it keeps me up for hours and hours. It's not so much painful, but more annoying and uncomfortable. I lie awake for hours at a time, twitching and jerking my legs around wishing it would just go away. I'm hoping this will stop once the baby comes, because it would really suck to be stuck with it forever.

Even with RLS, heartburn, sches and pains...I'm still feeling pretty good and am just waiting it out. I'm hoping it will happen soon because with all the precautions I had to take to make sure I wouldn't go into early labor, it would be totally ironic for me to go past my due date. And I'm just not in the mood to be ironic. I can't wait to meet little Cubby and start the new chapter in our life.