Big Top Dinosaur

Dom has become completely and totally obsessed with Barney. more specifically, the "circus" episode. He can, and does watch it every single day at least once. He likes to climb up into his chair with his bunny, blanket and sippy cup of milk and sits their in awe. He'll jump up when they play music and marches around with a big smile on his face and is happy as if he were at a real circus. I don't know how this happened, and I'm not a huge barney fan..but it makes him so happy, I can't say no.

Pinkie Swear

For the past six months, every morning when I wake up, my right pinkie finger hurts. It feels sore as if it had been bent back or something. I have no idea what's happening in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping, but I can't figure out why it's sore every single morning?!!!

Snap out of it

Almost the whole month has gone by, how did that happen? Someone please explain to me how my baby is going to be TWO next Sunday?! It seems almost impossible to me. The whole year has flown by.

He is a totally different kid than he was at his last birthday. He had just learned how to walk, so he showed off for all his guests and take a couple stumbling steps before plopping down on the floor. Now he’s running around the house, marching and hopping like a pro.

I was looking at old videos of him, when he was about 5 months old, and it almost made me want to have another one. I can’t believe I just said that. But he was just so cute and happy and easy to take care of.

But before I get too taken away with it I remind myself of the sleepless nights, the amount of work and energy it takes and the expense. Not to mention the bed rest for 3 straight months. That snaps me out of it pretty fast!

Yea, I think one is good for us. I can’t imagine loving another kid as much as I love Dom. I kind of get my Mum’s favoritism towards Dimitri now. He’s her first born. I get that that’s a love that is unlike any other. Ok, to be fair, my Mum insists that there is no favoritism and that she loves all her kids the same. We just love to give her a hard time about it :)

Dom Dialoge

I asked Dominic to go tell his Daddy that breakfast was ready, so he leans back in his chair and yells down the hallway “baaaaaabe, brefas ready!” That made my whole entire day!

We're Still Standing

Lanie reminded me of a moment 2 ½ years ago when we were standing in the parking lot of our jazzercise class. Things were hectic to say the least, people were freaking out about Rob and I being together, most of my friends had deserted me, he was living in Arizona, we were both going through a divorce..it was a rough, rough time. Oh, did I mention that I was pregnant and my hormones were out of control?
.
I remember feeling total despair, like things were never going to come together. There were days that I felt like I might not make it. I know that sounds overly dramatic, but it was true. My hormones had taken over my mind and my emotions and turned me into a crumbling mess. My heart literally hurt. I missed Rob so much and needed him so badly during that time, but it just wasn't possible because his job was in AZ. It felt like I was never going to get through the darkness and have a normal life. A normal existence. The idea that Rob and I could be together for real and be in a relationship for real and not be living in different states 400 miles apart…there were times that I felt we’d never get there.
.
And now here we are. We did it. We live together. In the same house. We sleep in the same bed. I get to see his handsome face every single day. We have a beautiful son together. We are living a normal life and we didn’t fall apart. We walked through the fire and came out the other side. Did we suffer some of the consequenses of being together? Yes, we did. I wish I could say it didn't hurt or make an impact on my life, but that would be a lie. It was an extremly difficult time to get through emotionally and something that still plays in mind even today.
.

But we did make it out alive. And the thing we fought so hard for, us, is still together. The love is still strong. There have been uphill battles and times of hurt and frustration. There have been pure joyful moments and obscene happiness. And that’s what this life is all about, right? It may not be perfect every day. There may in fact be days when you want to just hide from it all. But there is never a moment that I wish it never happened. There is never a moment that I don’t look at what we’ve been through and feel proud. And kind of stunned that we got through it. Without it breaking us. That says something. The foundation of what brought us together is still there and still real.
.I love Rob. And he loves me. We’re not perfect. Not by any means. But we are happy. He won my heart and still holds it in his hands. Plus, he makes me laugh and there is nothing sexier than that.

My Domi

I just can't get enough of his face! There are many times in the day that Rob and I look Dominic and then look at each other and can hardly believe our eyes. Who is this boy in front of us? The one who is practically speaking in full sentences? The one who is practically self-sufficient? The one who doesn’t need our help with every little thing. It’s crazy to me that this is our little baby cub, once tiny and helpless. Now he’s strutting across the living room, dancing to Britney Spears and rocking his favorite pair of sunglasses.

He’ll be two next month. To say “two years” doesn’t sound like that long, but the amount of growing up and learning he has done in that short time is unbelievable. To think about him being in our lives for two years sounds like no time at all, but I can’t even remember what life was like without him. I know I thought I had purpose and was coming to terms with being ok if I didn’t have any children. How wrong I was. I have never experienced such purpose or happiness more than becoming his Mom. Nothing makes me happier than getting him out of his crib in the morning. Picking him up from school. Reading him a bedtime story. No matter how tired I am, he’s like an instant pick me up. He’s my living, breathing red bull. I can be feeling exhausted or under the weather, just wanting to lie down and go to sleep…but as soon I see my baby boy, I find a way to put that on hold and take care of him, enjoy him, spend the time with him. He makes it so easy.

His favorite thing to do is be outside. His other favorite this is water. Put them together and you have one happy kid on your hands. On Memorial Day, we set up his water table in the backyard and he had a blast playing and splashing. I rememeber when we got that table, he could hardly even hold himself up let alone reach inside. Now he's this tall kid who can not only rach inside, but towers over his table.

Oh, so he's doing pretty good with his whole potty training thing. We're not pushing him, just letting him go at his own pace. He has told us a bunch of times that he wants to go "poo poo" and we take him to his potty, and BAM! he either goes number one or two. So proud of him!

His birthday invitations have gone out, and I must say, they are pretty cute. Last year was hard to top, because what’s cuter than seeing 12 photos of Dominic, one per month for his first year on this earth. This year we went with a three photo invite. He looks so grown up in the photos. It has a ‘70’s vibe to it which somehow fits with Dom’s personality. He’s such a happy kid, always singing and dancing. I love how he’ll bust out his moves as soon as he hears music. Oh, and he has great manners. “Please, thank you, bless you” The best is when he asks for something, and I give it to him..he says “thank you Mommy.” I die every single time.

Smash Ball

I am not sporty in any sense of the word. My family isn’t really into that whole sports thing. We didn’t really get involved growing up, however my two brothers did play soccer for a brief moment. I’m not all that coordinated and definitely don’t have that abilty to be “sporty.” It’s something that is totally not natural to me. That being said, I have recently started playing racquetball with Rob, and I’m really enjoying it. I always wanted to learn how to play tennis, but this is even better because it’s in an enclosed court with 4 walls. If I was playing tennis, I’d lose numerous balls.

In only 30 mintues of playing, I have worked up a sweat and my heart rate is definitely up. It’s also kind of fun to whack a ball as hard as you can. I’m not great at the game, but I’m getting better. And it’s something fun that Rob and I can do together.

Gone But Not Forgotten

Last night, while watching “Glee,” I totally fell apart. There was a part where Sue’s sister died and she spoke at her eulogy.

"When you love someone, like I loved her, they’re a part of you. It’s like you’re attached by this invisible tether and not matter how far away you are, you can always feel them. And now every time I reach for that tether, I know there is no one on the other end and I feel like I’m falling into nothingness. It feels like a piece of me has been ripped off. Just one more time I wanna hold her. Ten more seconds, is that too much to ask? For ten more seconds to hold her? But I can’t. And I won’t. And the only thing keeping me from being swallowed whole by sadness is that Jean would kill me if I did. So for now, I’m just gonna miss her. I love you Jeannie. Rest in peace."

Her words rang so true to how I feel about losing my Yia Yia and Bapou. It’s been all these years and it still hurts so bad. I think I try to live most of my life believing they’re still alive. Since they’re from London, it seems like it could be possible that we would go all this time without seeing each other. But there are moments when the reality creeps in that they are no longer alive, and it shakes me to my core. I feel like it just happened yesterday and I’m overwhelmed with sadness and grief. I just have to remember that they are still with me, I just can’t see them. That’s what Mum says. And I believe her. I just wish I could see them again, hug them, tell them how much I love them and what amazing grandparents they were.

Almost Two!

Dominic is 22 months old and really growing up these days. He is talking so much and we can pretty much have a full conversation where I can understand him. Would a total stranger be able to understand him? Probably not. But I know what he’s trying to say when he can’t quite pronounce the words correctly. It blows my mind to see him turn into this full on toddler.

His eating habits have changed a bit. He went from having some variety to his meals to now only wanting dino nuggets for lunch and dinner. He’d have them for breakfast too if I let him. Luckily he still loves fruits and veggies so he usually has them with cucumber, oranges, strawberries and tomatoes. He sits in his high chair and makes the “roar” sounds as picks them off his plate. It’s pretty awesome.

We have started to count to five. I’ll start with “onnne” and then he’ll chime in with “twwooo, freee, forrr, five!” He also loves to say “ready, set, go!” One of his favorite phrases that he picked up from Rob is “ohhh man!” It’s funny because he’ll copy anything and everything Rob says, but not so much with me. Rob found a BOGO (buy one, get one free) coupon for Soup Plantation and yelled out “BOGO!” and one second later Dom yells out “BOGO!” We laughed for a good five minutes on that one.

He loves to help out. When it's time to feed Sophie, he helps by putting the dog food into her bowl. he helps with the laundry by throwing the clothes in the washing machine and pouring in the soap. He especially loves helping Daddy and "fixing" things. He grabs his hammer and screwdriver and goes at it.

There are certain things that are harder now that can Dom can talk. Going to bed when he doesn’t want to is a little bit more excruciating then before. I’ll read him his story, he’ll drink his sippy cup of milk and then when I go to put him in his crib, he cries out “no Mama!” So I put him in anyway and he jumps out, arms outstretched, “no Mama, cuddle! Mama’s bed!” Ugh, right to the heart. I tell him “No baby, it’s night night time, I’ll see you in the morning. I love you” and shut his door. Then over the monitor for the next 20 minutes I hear him crying “Noooo Mommmy….up, up up! Mommmmmy…..” As a Mom, it’s horrible to hear your kid crying for you, even when you know he’s faking it.

Dom LOVES to be outside. It’s his favorite place to be. He has this awesome wagon that he calls his car (Rob got off Craigslist, he’s the best at finding stuff from there!) He sits in it and enjoys when Rob pulls him down the street in it. He also loves to go for walks down the street. He mixes it up sometimes and marches or jumps. He says hi to the neighbors and likes to run up peoples lawns. When it’s time to go inside, he usually is not a happy camper.

Rob and I go to the gym on Tuesdays and Saturdays and take Dom to the ‘kids care” there. He always has fun playing with all the different toys, climbing on the jungle gym and coloring pictures. The other day, Miss Evah told me that they played a game of spin the bottle where whoever the bottle stopped on, that kid had to get up and sing a song. After a couple of spins and no kids wanting to get up and sing, the bottle landed on Dominic. Without missing a beat, he stood right up and busted out with “twinkle twinkle little star,” dance moves and all. This kid is totally obsessed with music. He LOVES to dance and will do so at any given opportunity. And let me tell you, he has skills.

His favorite tv show at the moments is Blues Clues. Don’t get me wrong, he still loves “Yo Gabba Gabba” but right now, his first request is BC, and a specific episode at that. He’ll say “Mama, Coocoo’s Car!” Which means Blues Clues, the epiosode with the car. He’ll sit on the couch with this sippy of milk, his blanket and of course bunny and watch the entire episode mesmerized.

Speaking of bunny, yes, he’s still attached to him. Now, more than ever. Before he mostly stayed in the crib, but now he has to accompany Dom to breakfast, the living room and sometimes the car. But he never leaves the car because if we lost bunny, I don’t know what we would do.

Other shows he loves are Dino Dan, Dora the Explorer, Diego, Mickey Mouse Club, Wonder Pets, Wow Wow Wubzy and Olivia. He watched a lot of these shows on his ipod touch. Yes, I said HIS. The “Easter Bunny” brought it for him, lucky kid!” The craziest thing is to watch him with it. He totally knows his way around it, changing from you tube to a game and back again.

Time is flying by and the changes are coming fast and furious. But I'm thankful that Dom is still an awesome little kid with a thirst for excitment and full of energy. And I wouldn't have it any other way:)

Potty Time

Saturday was a big day for Dom..he went potty in his potty chair! I was giving him a bath and when we got out he said "Mama, pooh pooh." So I sat him on his chair and waited. Suddenly his chair made music and I knew what that meant. "Babe! Come here! Dom just went pee in his potty chair!" Rob came over and we both cheered Dom on, hoping for a poop. Rob showed him how to rub his belly so we did that for a while. Then he (Dom, not Rob) wanted me to hold "Parenting" magazine up so he could look at the pictures. After about five minutes he announced he was done and stood up. Lo and behold, he had gone poop! It was such a victorios moment. I was so prouf of my little Cub I actually got a bit teary eyed. Rob gave him three of his special "potty cookies" and high fives all around.

That was on Saturday night and today is Monday...there has been no similar experiances yet, but we're not going to push him. It's recommemend to wait until at least 2 years old to start potty training, so we have some time. Just so proud of my boy!

Curb Chillin'

How is my baby boy growing up so fast?

I love him with every inch of my heart.

Lunch Time

Somehow Tina convinced me to get Subway for lunch today. I have never been a fan and I especially dislike their bread. Below is our honest-to-God, real conversation about lunch today. If I don't like the sandwich I would have wasted my money and will still be hungry. And I'll blame you Jared.

tina says
staaarrrvvvvviiiinnnngggggg

Gina Cretikos says
anything in particular?

tina says
nope
lol
i was thinking chicken bowel, panda, DT, MCD, curry
you know random things

Gina Cretikos says
curry?
haha
no panda, i felt sick after stix
blah on chicken bowl
eh on mcd

tina says
i felt jipped after stix

Gina Cretikos says
u should have had won tons too, you'd be ready to throw up like me

tina says
i could go for one of my grilled chicken panini's right now

Gina Cretikos says
u should bring panini grill to work haha

tina says
woo hoo throw up!

Gina Cretikos says
i felt about 10000lbs trying to hop up stairs
woo hoo!

tina says
maybe i should find one for the office

Gina Cretikos says
nothing sounds good right now
im hungry, but for what?
ok back to food
what to have
something somewhat light sounds good
salad? air?

tina says
YES but not expensive

Gina Cretikos says
impossible!
ha

tina says
lol

Gina Cretikos says
why does our salad have to be so dang expensive?

tina says
i know!!!! bastards!

Gina Cretikos says
what about panera? we havent had that in forever

tina says
hmmmm
wasn't that place a death trap?

Gina Cretikos says
haha, its not the healthiest, but prob better (or no worse) that DT

tina says
let me look online to see what's on their menu.
it's near Zpizza right?

Gina Cretikos says
holy shizz
my chicken salad sandwich is 26 GRAMS OF FUCKING FAT
thats the same as a big mac!
oh yea, thats why we stopped going there

tina says
yea I remember that!!!
we looked at their binder and you handed back and told the guy he could kill you now...lol

Gina Cretikos says
i cant believe i'm going to say this, but how about subway? don't they have some chicken salad sandwich that is supposed to be low fat?
ah yea, the binder of death

tina says
yes! subway is awesome!

Gina Cretikos says
ok ok calm down
i wouldnt say awesome
ha

tina says
hahahahaha...i would!
i love subway

Gina Cretikos says
sick woman

tina says
you just need to give it a chance. your problem is you're a bread and deli meat hater

Gina Cretikos says
i am, thats true
well not hater, but not a fan of sandwiches in general
although i liked quiznos

tina says
the only difference with quiznos is they toast it, which subway now has that option

Gina Cretikos says
no no no
quiznos has WAY better bread
subways bread smells and tastes like .....
stale bread

tina says
what?? it's the same thing

Gina Cretikos says
i almost said ass but then i didnt want you to ask me how i know what ass tastes like

tina says
plus subway has like 6 different types of bread to choose from

Gina Cretikos says
ok are they paying you now?

tina says
lol

Gina Cretikos says
man we are FUNNY

tina says
yes, i wanna be like Jared

Gina Cretikos says
we should post this whole convo on face book

tina says
totally!
but no one would get it but us
ok a subway club is what I normally get and it's 4.5g of fat

Gina Cretikos says
you know what. i'm gonna post it on my blog. so years from now we can rememeber how funy we were and how much i didnt like subway and how you are obviously sponsered by them and you'll be old but rich because you'll be rolling in subway money

tina says
lol....you're killing me right now

Gina Cretikos says
oh man, knee slappers i tell you

tina says
ok...that's a bit far fetched don'tcha think?

Gina Cretikos says
i dont know subway whore, is it?
ok i dont see the chicken salad sandwich thing on their website

tina says
that sounds REALLY bad...subway whore
like i do it in the subway???

Gina Cretikos says
i DO see a a steak and cheese, but i doubt the "steak" is good
yes, you do it in subways all over the county. with jared.

tina says
you mean the orchard chicken sandwich?
you're retarded

Gina Cretikos says
how do you get orchard chicken sandwich from steak sandwich. different animal. hello.
i am throwing my hands up right now like "wha?"

tina says
you said you couldn't find the chicken salad sandwich on their menu
hello?
LOL

Gina Cretikos says
OH!

tina says
man this is pure comedy

Gina Cretikos says
ok ok, yea that might be it
my bad
whore
oooh its a $5 footlong

tina says
it's 8g of fat and 370 calories

Gina Cretikos says
yea i see that miss know it all
tina says
i'm just saying...

Gina Cretikos says
dont forget 40mg of cholest
now i have decisions to make
hmmm
orchard chicken salad sandwich?
steak and cheese for only 2 more grams of fat?

tina says
hmmmm...i haven't had either
i usually stick to the club

Gina Cretikos says
it says serving size 247g. um ok. how about just putting 6" or footlong

tina says
where do you see that. the one I am looking at does say 6"

Gina Cretikos says
my dads italian is 20 grams of fat for 6". you are forbidden to get that for him anymore

tina says
oh man...your dad's sandwhich is 20g fat, 450 cal and 55mg Cholest!
dang...that's bad!!!

Gina Cretikos says
ok we are looking at the same thing
stalker
the orchard chicken sandwich has grams instead of 6"

tina says
weird...they're stupid

Gina Cretikos says
maybe i will jsut got with turkey breast? i wanna try the orchard chicken sandwich but im scrddd
what if its not good?
then i wasted my money and will still be hungry

tina says
yea i know...i was just thinking that
are you sure you want subway????

Gina Cretikos says
this is too much stress. lets for to mcd

tina says
we can find a quiznos if you want

Gina Cretikos says
haha, just kidding
no, no i need to be brave
think outta the box
maybe i will start slow with just a turkey breast sandwich
what kind of bread do they have?

tina says
or turkey and black forest ham?

Gina Cretikos says
turkey or turkey?
no not a fan of ham
yuck

tina says
they have white, wheat, honey oat, parmesean, jalenpeno cheese, omega something
you're weird...who doesn't like ham?

Gina Cretikos says
ok let me get the turkey breast "fresh fit" version please
ME! I DONT LIKE HAM
i would like the following veggies please

tina says
wow you don't have to yell it!
dang

Gina Cretikos says
bell pepper, red onion, cucumber, tomato, lettuce
mayo, only if its fat free or low fat
oil and vinegar or whatever they usually put on their fresh fit version
no mustard. not a fan.
am i forgetting any veggies that i like?
this is a lot of pressure

tina says
olives, peppercinis, advocado?

Gina Cretikos says
no, no, mmhmm

tina says
what bread? did you say?

Gina Cretikos says
what do you get?

tina says
the regular wheat
honey oat is good too

Gina Cretikos says
i'll go with honey oat

tina says
i get the fat free honey mustard instead of the mayo

Gina Cretikos says
if they dont have that, i'll go with wheat
YES, no mayo, gimmie FF HM
now you're talking
ok im hungry.com
do they have chips?

tina says
me toooooo
yes
the usual

Gina Cretikos says
salt and vinegar?

tina says
i think so

Gina Cretikos says
lays

tina says
second choice if they don't have it?

Gina Cretikos says
i dont want the fancy salt and vinegar. just the plain lays kind. BBQ is second choice

tina says
just the reg BBQ not baked right?

Gina Cretikos says
can u imagine if you make a believer out of me and i want subway every day? that would be rad
yes reg please

tina says
dude I would loooovvveee it!

Gina Cretikos says
D wants in on our subway party
regular veggie.

tina says
ok
veggie?

Gina Cretikos says
wait what? veggie? whaaa

tina says
ask him if there isn't any veg he doesn't want

Gina Cretikos says
ooh can i get a slice of cheese on mine please

tina says
provolone?
swiss, american?

Gina Cretikos says
YES! i love you for knowing that

tina says
cheddar?

Gina Cretikos says
no no provolone woman

tina says
i was just listing your options

Gina Cretikos says
D said he no. i guess he doesn't discriminate on veggies. thats nice.

tina says
yea, he's easy at subway

Gina Cretikos says
make sure my sandwich looks like the photo

tina says
yea...ok

Gina Cretikos says
easy at subway? like you? whore?

tina says
easy now!

Gina Cretikos says
it always comes back to that, just accept it

tina says
just wait....i will turn you into a subway whore and we can be whores together

Gina Cretikos says
you'd like that wouldnt you. whore.

tina says
you know you would too! i know you have the hots for jared...admit it!

Gina Cretikos says
*speechless*

tina says
cause i just outed you sucka!

Gina Cretikos says
ok go ...hungry hungry

tina says
you wanted the 6" for foot long?
same question for D

Gina Cretikos says
D wants 6"
omg, that should never be put in the same sentence

Power

I hate how one person can ruin my whole day.

Ass Kicking

My trainer is kicking my ass. Last week we worked on legs and I couldn’t sit down for three days. But I love it. I know that sounds weird, but I like to sweat my ass off and feel the burn after. It means I’m really working hard. Hopefully it will get a bit easier as time goes on though.

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m really enjoying the gym right now. I love playing racquetball with Rob and then jumping on to the treadmill for 45 mins. I have some really kick ass songs on my new playlist and I just rock out the whole time. Sometimes I just want to sing out loud or bust a move, but I try to contain myself as to not make a scene. It’s amazing how much music can lift your mood and get you moving.

Sick Cub

Dom got sick last week and when we took him the doctor, it turned out he had a virus infection that then caused another ear infection. Poor baby. He just got over an ear infection last month. Dr. Christenson said that if he gets one more within the next six months, we will need to go see a specialist and he may need tubes. I hope that doesn’t happen, it would break my heart.

It was a very tough week with little to no sleep. Dom was extremely temperamental and had zero patience. He had a fever for four days and even had a night of projectile vomiting. It’s just the worst when your baby is sick because you want to take the pain away from them, but you can’t. You just have to make them feel as comfortable as possible and hope it’s over soon.

I’m happy to report that Dom is feeling much better and is back to his old self. Well, almost. I have noticed some of the “terrible two’s” coming out. He is very headstrong (where ever does he get that?) and has no problem showing me when he’s not happy about something. He’ll furrow his brow, clap his little hands together angrily and say “no Mommy!” I generally try not to react too much and tell him it’s ok to be mad. Hopefully he doesn’t go into the scary world of screaming, kicking tantrum-ville.

Just do it

Sunday was Mother’s day and also Nicolas’ 5th birthday. We all went up to Temecula to meet up with Mom and Dad and spend the day together. Dad had reserved a winery just for us and it was so much fun to try the different wines and just relax. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much of that for me. Dom hasn’t been feeling well and has been rocking fever for a few days now. When he’s sick, he wants his mama. So I basically had to be holding him or right next to him the whole time. It would have been nice to be able to chill a bit with my family and drink some wine, but it just wasn’t in the cards for me that day. After the wine tasting we went back to the bed and breakfast my parents were staying at and had a delicious lunch spread. Even though Dom wasn’t feeling great, we still had a fun day and even got to sing happy birthday to Nicolas.

For my gift, Rob and Dom got me the new Nike tennis shoes that I wanted. They’re black with teal and are pretty much awesome. I feel pretty legit in those things and can’t wait to try them out at the gym!

What I Need

Perfection in a relationship is not only impossible, but unhealthy. It’s the times you disagree that in a way, bring you closer. It teaches you both how to work together to come to a resolution, and that always feels so fantastic. You are both different people with your own opinions and it would be unbelievable if you agreed on absolutely everything.

I think the key to having different opinions and still loving each other is to be supportive, calm and open during a disagreement. Never make the other person feel like they are wrong, just because they think differently than you. And never have an “it’s my way or nothing” type of attitude. Nothing rubs a person wrong faster than that.

For me, it’s all about tone. Tone, tone, tone. You can say something with a forceful tone, tinges of anger and frustration leaking out and you might as well lock me in a box and throw away the key. My defenses are instantly up. I start the complicated and exhausting dance of putting my “fists” up and letting you know you can’t take me down, while at the same time feeling crushed and hurt and trying to pick myself up off the floor. I won’t take shit from anyone but I’m also sensitive and have a hard time not taking things personally. Those are not the best combination.

Now say the exact same thing in a gentle, loving manner and you have me in the palm of your hand. It’s really that simple.

Compassion is a very important thing to me. If you don’t have compassion, there is an element that will be missing when you argue or disagree. It becomes a dog fight. You will crush your partner’s heart like a tin can. You don’t care how the other person feels, you’re fighting to win. It may not feel that intense to you, in fact you may feel calm and in control. This is the moment when you need to realize it’s not all about you. There is another person in the room. Look at them and ask yourself what you’re doing to their spirit. Ask yourself how your words and actions are affecting them.

But if you don’t have any compassion, those questions never enter your mind. You’re blinded by your own beliefs and conviction, even if the other person isn’t questioning them. You don’t take a breath to say “I’m hurting someone I love, that’s not right.” You just keep verbally swinging until you have knocked the other person out. But what have you accomplished? Do you feel victorious that you “won?” What about the person you “care” about that feels destroyed? This is why compassion is so very important. It shows that you care about more than just yourself. It shows that you can put other people before you. It shows you have a heart and that you feel something.

I’m pretty easy to win over in an argument. Talk to me, don’t lecture me. Be open, not closed off in your own world with your own rules. Be my equal, you’re not better than me. If you know I'm having a hard time with something, help me. Offer what you can. Don't sit there and let me squirm. When all else fails, put your arms around me and pull me close. I’m a sucker for a snuggle.

Working on my Fitness

I’m so excited because Rob got me a trainer! Woo hoo! We go to the gym twice a week and now I will have someone specifically kicking my ass into gear, and I’m super excited about it. We are actually sharing a trainer package that he got. I’ll use him twice a week and Rob will use him once a week. We have different goals, mine is to lose weight and Rob’s is to tone up. I’m excited because I think having my ass kicked will help me make better food choices. I’m also excited to see some weight loss. We have been going to the gym for a couple of months now and I have maintained my weight but not really lost anything. I have a feeling that has something to do with always being on the treadmill. I think my body needs to be shocked, so hopefully the trainer will do that.

I’m not looking for ultra-dramatic changes, I would be happy with being back to the size I was pre-baby. That’s only about 10lbs away. Once I reach that goal, I’d like to keep going and see how I do. But honestly, it’s not about the weight number or size that care about. I’m not striving to be a size 4 or anything silly like that. I have never been a 4. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin again. I’d say the ultimate “queen for a day” wish would be a size 8. But I’d be super happy with a size 12.

I’m a little nervous because I am an epic yo-yo-er. My weight goes up and down and has my whole life. I gain the weight, I lose it, I gain it back. But I really want to try and find a place that makes me happy but is still attainable in my daily life.

Tuesday is my first day with the trainer, I’ll keep you posted!

Nightmares

I hate when bad dreams can affect your whole day. I had some terrible dreams last night and it has put me in such a foul mood. One dream was that Dom was kidnapped from his crib. Yea. Really. I mean, could there be anything worse than that? I don’t know that I would survive something that awful. The second dream was that Rob left me for his ex-wife. Another doozy.

So you can understand why I have had a perma-scowl on my face all day. I know it’s not real life, but it really affected me. I looked up the kidnapping dream and it says “The main theme in abduction dreams is fear. The dreamer may be afraid of losing a very important part of himself or of losing his safest and most familiar surroundings. Also, the dreamer may be afraid of leaving his home, childhood, familiar support group, or long-standing ideas. These types of dreams may be most prevalent during times of psychological or physical transition and during stressful times of life when the future is somewhat uncertain. Consider the details of your dream and try to isolate or identify the fear that created the dream. Superstition based dream interpretation books say that dreaming about being kidnapped is really an omen and that you will receive unexpected news and be successful against your opposition.” Hmm, ok.

Dominic is my whole world. He’s the most important person to me in my whole life. Every day I thank God for such an amazing gift that has changed me in so many ways. There are no words to describe the love I have for my baby boy, it’s a love that you could never imagine until it happens to you. Maybe loving someone that much puts you in a place of fear, because without them, your life would be destroyed. Who knows. I really try not to read too much into dreams. I have always had a fear of home invasion, so it’s probably related to that. What I DO know is that if anyone even touched one hair on my baby’s head, I would kill them with my bare hands and not feel an ounce of guilt.

I used to have bad dreams from time to time, and had a dream catcher above my bed. They went away and this I never had them as much. Maybe I should get another dream catcher?

Make me over

If you could change things about your body with zero risks, would you? If so, what would you get done? Here’s my list: lipo, teeth and boobs. Oh, and hair. Iin that order.

1. Liposuction: tummy, thighs and upper arms
Yea, I know.. What a cop out, right? But hear me out. Having a baby does awful things to your body. Places that I used to be able to get fairly flat now refuse to de bloat. When weight is gained, it’s goes straight the pouch and holds on for dear life. It’s much bigger and wider than I’ve ever experienced, I guess because at one time it was Dom’s mud hut, so it had to get huge. My belly was stretched in a big way to give Cubbers a rad pad to kick back in before he made his entrance into this world. After he was done using it, it may have shrunk back, but the “stretch” is still there, just waiting for anything to set it off. I would love for it to be gone. I understand that of course even if I do that, I still have to diet and exercise to keep the weight off, and I think that’s fair. Just give me the body I want and I’ll promise to maintain it.

2. Teeth fixed
I have never liked my teeth. They are like little chicklets in my mouth. They look like baby teeth, all small and wonky. Except for my two front teeth, which are giant. I look kind of like a rabbit ha ha. Ok, maybe not that bad. I don’t have buck teeth or anything, but my two front teeth are longer than all my other teeth. And my bottom jaw sits back from my top one. And I think I t’s getting worse. I think I’m slowly developing a lisp because of it, Also, my teeth are set back, so when I smile, they look like they have been pushed to the back of my mouth. And lastly, they aren’t very white. Years of being a smoker has taken they’re toll. They aren’t yellow by any means, but they sure could use some brightening up.

Dimitri, Alexia and Marcus all have great smiles. So does my Mom. And Courtney. And Luciano. Perfectly straight, white teeth, front and center where they are supposed to be. I would LOVE to have veneers in the front. They are crazy expensive and I think you have to eat liquids only for about 3 weeks, but it would be worth it just to have a great smile.

3. Boob reduction
I have a lot of boob. It’s just who I am. They have been in my way for most of my life, and I back in junior high and high school, I wished they would leave me alone. There were many times I had to pass on dresses and tops because the girls just wouldn’t fit up top. Boys had a one track mind. It was a challenge to play sports and run during P.E.

I almost got a boob reduction in high school but the dr. told me there would be a risk that I wouldn’t be able to breast feed one day, and that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. Ha! A lot of good that did me. Those damn things didn’t produce one singe drop anyway!

But over time, I have come to accept them and love them . My reason for wanting a reduction is that they are just a tad too big, especially if my tummy is reduced. Let’s bring it down a notch. A full “C” cup would be great. Oh, and while we’re at it, raise them up a bit, would ya?

4. Hair Re-Do
My hair and I have a love/hate relationship. I have brief moments in time where it does something amazing and I fall in love, but then it just stops being amazing and we break up.

Back in 2008 we had a great run and I thought maybe we’d live happily ever after. I got a great cut, added some bangs and some blonde highlights, and suddenly every blow out I gave myself was perfect. (Thank you Erica from Vogue Salon!) It took me much longer to do my hair, but I had the time. This was pre baby! I would blowdry it, then flat iron it to perfection. I couldn’t have a bad hair day if I tried. This went on for about 8 months and then it just decided to stop being awesome and hate me again.

Then we went through this fantastic phase where I hardly had to do anything to it and it would look fab. I’d wash it, spray in some sea spray and a little leave in conditioner, go to bed and BAM! In the morning I’d have perfect waves, perfect bangs, perfect everything. Curly hair never looked so good.

My current relationship with my hair is that we are on a break. I’m kind of giving it the silent treatment. It used to be so super dooper thick and but it’s hella thin these days. Never thought that would be an issue. I don’t know if it’s from years of coloring or post baby hair syndrome, but me no likey. I miss thick, lustrous hair. When I put it in a ponytail, it just looks sad. Thank goodness I’m kind of known for my bun, it’s an easy go to and doesn’t show how skinny my locks are. I would love to get some hair extensions to add fullness, not length. I want to have J Lo hair. Please?

If it was possible to make me taller, I’d want that too. I’m not going to be greedy, just get me up to 5’5 and I’d be over the moon!

It sounds like a lot and seems like I wouldn’t look like me at the end of it, but I think it would. It’s all pretty subtle stuff. I want to say that I would never do any of it because of the risks involved. But if I’m being honest, and since this is my blog and I don’t think anyone really reads it, why wouldn’t I be?..... I would do any/all of the above if I had the money. Ok, maybe that’s not totally true. It’s not just the money holding me back. The other thing that would make me think twice is what others would think. By others, I mean my family. And Rob. I wouldn’t want them to feel like I took the easy way out, or that I was messing with what “God gave me.” Although they’d probably get over it, especially when they saw how good I looked after all the bruising, bleeding and swelling stopped;)

Wrap it up, I’ll take it! Ok, time to start saving. I’m guessing probably about $50,000 worth of procedures. Now taking donations.