Make me over

If you could change things about your body with zero risks, would you? If so, what would you get done? Here’s my list: lipo, teeth and boobs. Oh, and hair. Iin that order.

1. Liposuction: tummy, thighs and upper arms
Yea, I know.. What a cop out, right? But hear me out. Having a baby does awful things to your body. Places that I used to be able to get fairly flat now refuse to de bloat. When weight is gained, it’s goes straight the pouch and holds on for dear life. It’s much bigger and wider than I’ve ever experienced, I guess because at one time it was Dom’s mud hut, so it had to get huge. My belly was stretched in a big way to give Cubbers a rad pad to kick back in before he made his entrance into this world. After he was done using it, it may have shrunk back, but the “stretch” is still there, just waiting for anything to set it off. I would love for it to be gone. I understand that of course even if I do that, I still have to diet and exercise to keep the weight off, and I think that’s fair. Just give me the body I want and I’ll promise to maintain it.

2. Teeth fixed
I have never liked my teeth. They are like little chicklets in my mouth. They look like baby teeth, all small and wonky. Except for my two front teeth, which are giant. I look kind of like a rabbit ha ha. Ok, maybe not that bad. I don’t have buck teeth or anything, but my two front teeth are longer than all my other teeth. And my bottom jaw sits back from my top one. And I think I t’s getting worse. I think I’m slowly developing a lisp because of it, Also, my teeth are set back, so when I smile, they look like they have been pushed to the back of my mouth. And lastly, they aren’t very white. Years of being a smoker has taken they’re toll. They aren’t yellow by any means, but they sure could use some brightening up.

Dimitri, Alexia and Marcus all have great smiles. So does my Mom. And Courtney. And Luciano. Perfectly straight, white teeth, front and center where they are supposed to be. I would LOVE to have veneers in the front. They are crazy expensive and I think you have to eat liquids only for about 3 weeks, but it would be worth it just to have a great smile.

3. Boob reduction
I have a lot of boob. It’s just who I am. They have been in my way for most of my life, and I back in junior high and high school, I wished they would leave me alone. There were many times I had to pass on dresses and tops because the girls just wouldn’t fit up top. Boys had a one track mind. It was a challenge to play sports and run during P.E.

I almost got a boob reduction in high school but the dr. told me there would be a risk that I wouldn’t be able to breast feed one day, and that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. Ha! A lot of good that did me. Those damn things didn’t produce one singe drop anyway!

But over time, I have come to accept them and love them . My reason for wanting a reduction is that they are just a tad too big, especially if my tummy is reduced. Let’s bring it down a notch. A full “C” cup would be great. Oh, and while we’re at it, raise them up a bit, would ya?

4. Hair Re-Do
My hair and I have a love/hate relationship. I have brief moments in time where it does something amazing and I fall in love, but then it just stops being amazing and we break up.

Back in 2008 we had a great run and I thought maybe we’d live happily ever after. I got a great cut, added some bangs and some blonde highlights, and suddenly every blow out I gave myself was perfect. (Thank you Erica from Vogue Salon!) It took me much longer to do my hair, but I had the time. This was pre baby! I would blowdry it, then flat iron it to perfection. I couldn’t have a bad hair day if I tried. This went on for about 8 months and then it just decided to stop being awesome and hate me again.

Then we went through this fantastic phase where I hardly had to do anything to it and it would look fab. I’d wash it, spray in some sea spray and a little leave in conditioner, go to bed and BAM! In the morning I’d have perfect waves, perfect bangs, perfect everything. Curly hair never looked so good.

My current relationship with my hair is that we are on a break. I’m kind of giving it the silent treatment. It used to be so super dooper thick and but it’s hella thin these days. Never thought that would be an issue. I don’t know if it’s from years of coloring or post baby hair syndrome, but me no likey. I miss thick, lustrous hair. When I put it in a ponytail, it just looks sad. Thank goodness I’m kind of known for my bun, it’s an easy go to and doesn’t show how skinny my locks are. I would love to get some hair extensions to add fullness, not length. I want to have J Lo hair. Please?

If it was possible to make me taller, I’d want that too. I’m not going to be greedy, just get me up to 5’5 and I’d be over the moon!

It sounds like a lot and seems like I wouldn’t look like me at the end of it, but I think it would. It’s all pretty subtle stuff. I want to say that I would never do any of it because of the risks involved. But if I’m being honest, and since this is my blog and I don’t think anyone really reads it, why wouldn’t I be?..... I would do any/all of the above if I had the money. Ok, maybe that’s not totally true. It’s not just the money holding me back. The other thing that would make me think twice is what others would think. By others, I mean my family. And Rob. I wouldn’t want them to feel like I took the easy way out, or that I was messing with what “God gave me.” Although they’d probably get over it, especially when they saw how good I looked after all the bruising, bleeding and swelling stopped;)

Wrap it up, I’ll take it! Ok, time to start saving. I’m guessing probably about $50,000 worth of procedures. Now taking donations.