Flush, Plop, Noooo!

Who thought putting cabinets above the toilet was a good idea? I did the dumbest thing today. I went pee, flushed the toilet and then opened the cupboard that sits above it. I reached for my bottle of dry shampoo that I splurged on over a year ago (costs $19!) and decided to finally give it a try. As I went to grab it, it knocked over and whooosh..disappeared into the toilet and got flushed away! Noooooo!!!! Not only did I just totally waste an entire bottle of Oscar Blandi dry shampoo....I just clogged the toilet! Did I mention it's the ONLY toilet in our house? Did I also mention that I pee once every 15 minutes? Ugh! Rob came home from work and I had to tell him what happened. This wasn't an easy fix. Ugggh! We had to run some errands so I took that opportunity to pee at every stop we made. I went to meet Lanie for dinner (and made sure I peed a few times while I was there) and made my way home. Unfortunately, a toilet solution was still out of our grasp. Rob and I made a trip to home depot where he picked up some tools and I went pee, again. After some tinkering around, it seems he was able to get it to where we're able to flush the toilet again (yay! thanks babe!) but the bottle of dry shampoo is still in there...somewhere. The good news is, I can go pee again, the bad news is....well, we'll just keep our fingers crossed that there is only good news.

Pulling an all nighter

Last night was rough. It was by far the most uncomfortable night I have experienced since the beginning of my pregnancy. I was feeling so much heavy pressure "down there" that it felt like Cub was just going to fall out! I got some weird kink in my back and it was pinching every time I moved. And that pesky "restless leg syndrome" has come back full force. I tossed and turned but just couldn't get comfortable. I think this is the part of the pregnancy that moms-to-be feels like goes on for ever. I've got 17 days left officially, so hopefully it will go by quickly.

The nursery is coming along nicely. The crib we ordered is back ordered which is kind of a bummer, but it's not like he'll be sleeping in it for a a while. For now he'll be sleeping in our room in his bassinet, and I'm super excited because we're going to go buy it tomorrow. The curtains I ordered arrived finally. $36 dollars total for the pair including shipping, not bad! My Mom had the sheers hemmed and cleaned and they are hanging up now. It looks so nice! The hospital bag is packed and ready to go and Rob is putting the car seat into his truck as we speak..wow!

How crazy is this right now? Our little Cub is almost here. I know it sounds weird, but I still can't fathom the idea of it all. I've been carrying around this little baby for nine months, taking care of myself to take care of him, doing whatever it took to make sure he was ok. Protect the Cub...from the day we found out we were pregnant Rob told me that was my number one job. I have done it to the best of my ability, and now that part of the journey is almost over. Next comes the real fun. Holy shit, there's going to be a baby! I'm going to be a Mom....my most important job yet. I wonder what it will feel like, going into labor, having the baby, seeing him for the first time. What will he look like? Will he recognize our voices? Will he be a baby that cries a lot? Sleeps a lot? Drools a lot? So many questions, but none can be answered until he's ready to make his grand entrance. I can't wait:)

Just Sayin'

Taking a risk is a scary thing. It's much more comforting to play the safe bet, to not go out on a limb. But I guess that's why they call it a risk. You just don't know how it's going to work out, It could be good, it could be awful. But isn't life all about learning more about yourself? Taking those risks in hopes that you can improve your current situation and environment? I'm the first to admit, it's a blind gamble. But you just have to ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? Is it better to know and be disappointed or to always wonder your whole life? If you're even contemplating taking a risk, you must be feeling some kind of unhappiness or maybe just feeling like there's more. I think it's safe to say most will stay in their comfort zone of living a mediocre life because stepping outside the box is much too frightening. And there is nothing wrong with that, nothing at all. But for the few that take the chance on change, because they can't ignore the little voice in the back of their mind.....they should be applauded, not condemned. They should be celebrated, not whispered about behind their backs. Are people so afraid of change that they are willing to throw rocks at glass houses? Where's the love? Where's the support? Don't be a hater. Love thy neighbor and feel inspired, not threatened.

No one said it was easy

37 weeks bitches!

We made it! 37 weeks yesterday and now Cub is now officially full term! No preemie status for him! Dr. Diaz said that there is still a chance he could have to go into the NICU (neonatel intensive care unit) if he arrives before 40 weeks, but the chances are super slim and even if he did, it wouldn't be for very long. The point is, we have hit a major milestone. One that I wasn't totally sure we would get to but here we are!

Life has been much better since I have been off bed rest. I get to do laundry, clean my house, go to Target:) I'm still taking things slow because I want to keep Cubby in there as long as possible. To be honest, I don't really have a choice but to slow my roll....I'm so tired! The smallest thing wears me out and makes me feel exhausted. New and improved symptoms of being 37 weeks pregnant include getting even less sleep at night due to constant peeing and restless leg syndrome, feeling like the baby is just going to fall out, wanting to chop my feet off because they hurt so bad. I thought I'd actually get away with no swelling but I think it's starting to happen a little bit. My shoes are feeling a bit snug and my ring feels a little tight. It's much harder to get around now, the waddle is slowing me down. Also, he doesn't have a whole lot of room to move around in there anymore, so when he does, they are much more like sharp kicks and jabs then just happily floating around. He means serious business:) My legs and hips are so incredibly sore that I'm kind of taken aback! I had no idea but I guess it makes sense. My body is getting ready and needs to make the necessary room for Cubbers. The craziest new thing are Braxton Hicks. They are basically false labor but feels like the real thing. My stomach gets all tight and kind of spasms. It can be a little painful but mostly just uncomfortable. It's just another reminder that its so close to go time! But with all the new aches and pains comes the joy and happiness of knowing he's growing even bigger and stronger then ever before!

It suddenly occurred to me the other day that this baby is a few weeks away at the very most! What happened? I think I was just thinking that he would be born early and have to spend some time in the NICU so I would have plenty of time to get things ready for him then. But now here we are, expecting his arrival any day now. I need to get cracking on the stuff he will need. He got a lot of great stuff at his baby shower so we have a good start. Oh, the baby shower was awesome by the way. My Mom and two sisters did an amazing job!!! The decor and food was incredible and the attention to detail was exceptional! It was great to spend the afternoon with friends and family and get a little ga ga over the Cub. How lucky are we?!!!!

My short cerix can suck it!

Well, we did it. They said we couldn't do it, and we proved them wrong. Rob, Cubby and I are celebrating 36 weeks! Woo hoo! I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to be at this milestone. Cub is growing big and strong and we are officially out of the "danger" zone. It took a little over two months of bed rest and lots of help and support from friends and family, but we did it. One more week and he will be full term, and I will be 100% happy.

We went to the doctor yesterday for my 36 week check up and everything looks good. I'm 2cm dilated and Dr. Diaz felt little Cubby's head! He's in the right position, so that's a relief. As long as he stays that way, there will be no concern of having a breech delivery.

I can't believe we are at this point. It's been such a long and emotional journey and it's about to pay off. He could come any day now, but I'm hoping he waits as long as possible. My due date is 28 days away and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he just chills until then.

I'm officially off bed rest! Yay! That has been so amazing and wonderful, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. First thing I did yesterday was go to the office. The way I had left was totally unprepared. One day I left for the day and just didn't come back. It felt great to get in my car and drive, and thankfully, it all came right back to me. Yes, I was actually worried I would forget how to drive. I had fun surprising Tina and catching up a bit. I got some work done and had lunch before heading out. I get tired pretty quickly and really need to build my tolerance back up before the baby comes. If he's anything outside of the womb as he is inside, we're in for quite a ride.

My body is preparing for the big day. Most mornings I wake up and feel like I got hit by a truck. My hips and legs are so sore and I've been told that's because they are slowly widening. Scaaaary! My belly feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. I've gained a total of 26 lbs so far, which is kind of funny because right before I got pregnant, I lost 25 lbs. It took me a whole year (yea, it's always been a struggle for me) and over the course of nine months, I have gained it all back, mostly in the last three months. I can't wait to get back in shape, but am a little nervous about starting the whole diet and exercise train again. It was tough enough for me when it was just me. Now I will have a baby in my life which of course means much less time to concentrate on working out, writing down what I'm eating, making good meal choices etc. But I will just have to find a way to make it work because I have never felt as good as I did last summer.

Wow, I can't believe I'm about to become a Mom. Wow. I'm so excited to meet my son and love him unconditionally for the rest of my life. I'm excited to see his little face, hold him in my arms, look into his eyes, see a part of me and Rob....see what we created.....thats the most mind blowing part. Two people fell in love and together created this little life that is about to burst onto the scene. Our love story is unconventional to say the least, but it's real. It's pure. It's based on love, passion, honesty, true connection. Some people will never understand it, some people will never be ok with it. But we fought hard to get here. We beat the odds, went through hell and didn't let the haters stop us from being true to ourselves. I'm proud of us and of how far we have come in such a short time. And we did it sober too! Most people couldn't have gotten through it with a carton of cigarettes and an open bar. But we did. And THAT is quite an accomplishment!

My baby shower is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to hanging out with my family and some friends. Lexi has been working hard on everything and I appreciate it so much. She is so amazing and wonderful and I love her so much!

So now it's a day by day situation. Weekly check ups at the doctor instead of bi-weekly and just enjoying these last couple of weeks of feeling Cub kick all day and night long. Soon he will be here and I'll be able to tell him every day that he's my pride and joy.

A whole lot of random

Yesterday was our 35 week milestone. I can hardly believe it. Bed rest has been a bitch, but totally worth it for Cub to stay in his mud hut and continue to get big and strong. One more week and I'm officially unchained from the mattress and have a direct path to Target! I also CAN'T WAIT to get a mani/pedi. It's been two months and guuuuurl.....I need it. Bad. Another thing I'm super excited about is being able to clean and cook again. No, that wasn't a typo....you read that right. I have honestly missed it....no really! Once the baby comes, I may be singing a different tune, but as of right now, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Have I mentioned how huge my belly is these days? It's pretty incredible. When I run my hand over it, I can feel Cubby's tiny foot pushed up against the inside and then feel him trying to flip around in there. He doesn't have much room anymore, so it's more like a 15 point turn. Do you remember that scene in Austin Powers with the cart and really really narrow hallway? Yea, it's kind of like that. He is sitting so low, sometimes its uncomfortable to walk to the bathroom.

Ah the bathroom...I spend A LOT of time there. Here is your disclaimer to skip this paragraph if you are uncomfortable reading about pee behavior. (and for the record, if you skip this paragraph, you really need to get more in touch with bodily functions. It's just pee people.) I'm peeing in record numbers, it's insane. My Mom said I should get stock in toilet paper it's so much. I have already peed three and a half times since I started this blog entry. What's the half you ask? Well, I got up and made the trip into the bathroom, but it was a false alarm. It was just Cubby sitting on my bladder making me feel like I had to go. He's a real prankster. The weird thing about my pee schedule these days is I could just be sitting here and then all of a sudden, I have to pee so bad, like my bladder is about to burst! The urgency to pee is overwhelming and like I have never known before. Just one of the many gems of being almost nine months pregnant.

Tomorrow little Baby Cub's room is getting painted! I can't wait. I think it will really start feeling like his room after that. I mean, it does already, but this will just really bring it home. Now we just need to pick a crib and get it ordered!

Do you tweet? Do you go on twitter and tweet? I tried it out, for about three seconds. I just couldn't get into to. Between Facebook and this blog, my friends pretty much know what's going on in my life. Trying to twittter on top of that is too much, even for me. I'm not that interesting. I can hardly believe anyone even reads this blog because it's it can kind of be a snooze fest.

I'm usually not a slipper person. I'm much more of a "go bare foot around the house and flip flops when I go out" kind of girl. Slippers have never served me much purchase. I buy them, wear them a couple of times and then they live under my bed until one goes missing and the other serves no purpose. But I have to say, I really do love these slippers. They're so comfy and feel like I'm walking on pillows or clouds. Lexi got them for my while I was in the hospital and I have worn them pretty much every day since then. Thanks Lex!


Romey is doing better. He's gained weight and is starting to slowly show signs of getting his strength back. He started attempting to clean himself, which is difficult because he still has the plastic cone on his head. Check him out above, he's exhausted! Kind of creepy with his eyes open but that's only because he sensed I was there and gave me a look like "really Mom? I'm not really feeling so hot right now." I'm still feeding him through the tube and can usually get three to four syringes of food in him in the morning and then again at night, but yesterday was a tough day. I was only able to get two in the morning and one in the evening. Poor kitty is frustrated but he's being a trooper. Hopefully he'll continue to gain weight and will be able to get the tube out soon. The vet said once he starts eating by himself, they can remove it. Right now he just kind of looks at the food but doesn't really have interest in eating it.

This blog entry is kind of all over the place! I guess that's sort of how my mind is right now. I'm almost nine months pregnant and I'm kind of in shock about that. Nine months is the end of the road. That's how many months a pregnant woman carries a baby for. Not ten. Not eleven. Nine. And I'm close to nine months. The thing that blew my mind was looking at my iPhone app that tells me how much firther I have to go. It's always been a pretty high number....201 days to go, 114 days to go, 94 days to go. I looked at it today and it said 34 more days to go! OMG! And that's if I carry the baby to term. 34 days at the MOST! Nuts! I'm so so so ready, but I'm also a little anxious about the whole thing. I find myself getting slightly paranoid about certain things, which is usually so not me. Like last night, I hadn't felt Cub kick in the evening after dinner. He had been kicking all day but he was being very non active. I got worried and tried to wake him up by moving my belly around and shaking it a little bit. I eventually talked myself down, realizing that the poor baby is probably just sleeping.

Another example is the peeing I have been doing. I get worried that maybe it's the amniotic fluid and it's leaking. It happens, so it's not so off the wall. Sometimes a woman's water breaks like you see in the movies, but sometimes it's just kind of a slow leak. My thought process was, if I'm leaking the amniotic fluid, soon it will be all gone, and then Cub has none in there and that is bad news! But then I realize I'm over thinking it. I guess it's the anticipation of going into labor and not knowing what to expect. Being so close to the end, I know it could come at any time. How will I know? I'm sure there will be contractions and from what I've been told, there is no mistaking those. But I have also talked to people and read about others that didn't even realize they were in labor. I'm sure it will all happen naturally, but with everything we have been through, I just want to make sure Cub makes his entrance into this world the way he's supposed to.

Woah, I'm having total deja vu right now. WOAH! That was part of my deja vu! Weird...

A peek inside

Here is what little Cubby is looking like right about now at 34 weeks.

According to babycenter.com: "Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he's born — are filling her out, making him rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies."

I'm so relieved to have gotten this far and that Baby Cub is, for the most part, out of the danger zone. Now it's just a matter of time!

Getting closer

Today marks TWO MONTHS that I have been on bed rest. I never thought for one moment that I would have to be on it for this long.....but here I am. It hasn't been easy, but it has definitely been for the best. Cubby is still in his mud hut and he continues to grow big and strong. He is amazingly active and loves nothing more than to kick and do somersaults all day long, especially at night. I think we get another ultrasound at 36 weeks, if we make it that far. I'm really curious to know how big he his and how much he weighs. I feel confident about making it that far and the good news is that at 36 weeks I am officially off bed rest! Ye Haw! The first place I am going is Target, don't even get it twisted. I have missed it terribly and plan on spending some good quality time there.

I'm feeling pretty good for the most part. I'm tired a lot more, and my trips to the bathroom are at an all time high. Here's what whattoexpect.com has to say about that: Something else that'll remind you just how far along you are in your pregnancy: the frequent urination. Yep, it's first trimester deja vu all over again, but this time, instead of pregnancy hormones to blame, it's the position of your baby's head that's causing the need to pee. Now that your baby is (most likely) head down and (almost) engaged in preparation for childbirth, his or her head is pressing squarely on your bladder. The result? As before, you go, girl — to the bathroom, that is. And you go again and again. I have to say, its not the most comfortable feeling. Now that I'm close this far into my pregnancy, I constatly feel like....hmm.....how can I explain it? Ok, ok, imagine you REALLY have to pee, but instead of going to the bathroom, you hold it. You keep holding it until your tummy kind of hurts and your bladder feels like it's about to burst. That's pretty much what I feel like all day long. Even when I don't have to pee. Yea, it's good times, lemme tell you.

I got a little break from bed rest on Saturday because Rob and I had to go register for my baby shower. Mom hooked us up with a wheelchair and off we went. It was so great to get out of the house and do something together. I had no idea registering could be so overwhelming! There is a lot of stuff you need for your first kid, A LOT of stuff! I think we might need a bigger house! It would have been much more fun if I wasn't confined to the wheelchair, but Rob was awesome, pushing me around, scanning the merchandise and being a really good sport about the whole thing.

My belly is getting bigger and bigger..it almost seems like it grows overnight. I'm uncomfortable some of time, but nothing too bad. I can hardly believe I'm in my eighth month of pregnancy...wow! I'm so glad we made it this far, and the end is in sight. If Cub can stay in for a couple more weeks, we're golden! And I know it's kind of ridiculous at this point, but I can still hardly believe that at the end of this whole experience, there will be a baby! Crazy!!! We're almost ready. Hopefully this weekend the baby's room will get some more work done to it...perhaps some paint and little tiny baby clothes hung up.

Another big thing on the to-do list? Buy a Mommy-Mobile car for me. We both agree we're not putting our Cubster in the silver bullet (my current car-a 1999 Nissan Altima) because it has seen better days. I need something that drives like a dream but is a strong as a tank. We've got some ideas on what we like, so we'll see how that goes...I'm super excited!

Next stop? 35 weeks!!!

Romeo update

Poor Romeo. He is having a hard time keeping his food down with that tube in his neck. It runs directly into his stomach so that he can eat. He has special food that he has to eat plus two medications and they are injected into the tube with a syringe. The cat food has to be brought to a soupy consistency by adding water and it smells..well....not delicious. Here's how it works. First he gets a full syringe of water, then he's supposed to have 5-6 syringes of food followed by another one of water to wash it down. This has to be repeated a few times through out the day so he basically has one can of cat food a day. So far, since Saturday, he has only gotten one can of cat food down. The first night he threw most of it up..that night was mostly throwing the sheets in the washer, cleaning up the puke, figuring out what went wrong. The next day we cut back to only three syringes of food. He still threw it up and by this point was on to us. He knew it was coming and didn't want to sit still, which made getting the tip of the syringe into the top problematic.

By last night we had cut him down to just two syringes of water and one of food. It seemed to do the trick. He was able to keep it down. Today I was able to give two syringes of water and two of food in the morning and evening, so he's doing better. I just feel so bad for the little guy. He's clearly not comfortable with that plastic thing around his head and the tube in the neck.

Thank goodness Rob is an animal lover! He has had to clean up his share fair of kitty throw up this week and it's been some what exhausting for the both of us. I can't help but feel like this is just a taste of whats to come with Cubby. I am usually extremely squeamish and knew there was no way I was going to be able to feel Romeo through the tube. It was all too much...the tube, it going into his neck, the bandages around his neck, the sad look on his face. When I first saw him at the vet, I had to look away at first. But something just kind of took over and when he had a hard time with the feedings, I just kind of sucked it up and did it. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me, it was a big moment. It breaks my heart to have to feel my sweet kitty through a plastic tube and see him being sick, but it was mind over matter time and with Rob's couching, I was able to get it done. Now when its time to feed him, we have our routine. I get the food, water and syringe ready in the bathroom, lay down the towel, bring Romes in there and we just make it happen. There is still some squirming and resistance, but for the most part, he's doing good.

He's going back to the vet tomorrow to make sure he's gaining weight. The tube can't come out until he has gained a sufficient amount and with his slow progress, it's taking a little longer than we had hoped. But what's important is that he gets better and I hopefully he's on the road to recovery.

34 weeks! Hell Yea!!!

Well, here we are. Me and Cubby at 34 weeks. They said we wouldn't make it and look at us now. I had a doctors appointment yesterday for a check up and everything looks good. Cub's heartbeat is strong, my blood pressure and weight is great so I'm very happy. The only bummer is I have to stay on bed rest for another two weeks. Boo!!! I'm going to make a couple slight tweaks to that prescription because there are just things that HAVE to be done. For instance, Rob and I are going to register for the baby shower this weekend. Sure, I could do it online, but I just want to experience some of the fun of being pregnant. I am borrowing a friends wheelchair so don't start sending me your hate mail just yet.

We have our hospital bag packed ready to go, just in case. It's so crazy to think this is the home stretch now. All this time, care, ups and downs....they are about to come to fruition..and the end result will be a beautiful baby boy. I'm 8 months pregnant, feel as big as a house and am ready to do this. I'm hoping Cub stays in there another month, but who knows. Once I reach 36 weeks, I no longer have to be on bed rest and can do whatever I want...YAY!It's definitely a big difference being 34 weeks pregnant to being 30 weeks pregnant. I'm finding it harder to sleep at night with having to get up every couple of hours to pee. My body aches from all the changes happening, getting ready to give birth. The activity going on inside is crazy! I sit back on the bed and see his little tiny feet push up against my belly, kicking his little heart out. I got the gnarliest heartburn last night...ugh...I thought I was going to die. It's harder to sit up in bed, to get work done, to get comfortable. But all that being said, it's a very small price to pay to keep Cubster happy and healthy.

I'm trying to mentally trying to wrap my head around the idea that our son is so close to making his entrance into this world....that it's almost show time. Wow. Are we ready? I think that's subjective but I feel like we are. We don't expect things to go a certain way, we don't expect it to be a walk in the park. But whatever it takes, wherever this journey take us....we're going to be doing it together. And that's all I really need to know. I know we make a great team and I can't wait to start this next chapter of our lives together.

Beach Day

Memorial Day was great. Rob and I, my family and his brothers family cruised down to the beach and had a BBQ, enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. It felt so good to be outside and to socialize and be not have to miss out on the event. It was awesome to spend time with everyone and have our two families hang out together.
p.s. Steve isn't really peeing in the outside shower, he's just being Steve lol

Sick Romey

I'm really worried about Romeo, my sweet kitty. He's not well. Last week he tried to cough up a hair ball, which isn't that unusual. He's got long hair and is constantly cleaning himself..this involves a lot of licking his fur. Eventually that fur has gotta come out so he coughs a few times and bam, it come out. I thought that was what was happening last week, but after a couple of days he still hadn't got it out. Then he started to make this little kitty whining noise, dry heave, trying to cough it out but just white bile would come out. He started to look a little on the thin side and we noticed he wasn't eating or drinking much. We thought maybe he just had a really stubborn hair ball and we'd try some stuff that helps loosen in up so he could cough it out. But then on Sunday Rob noticed that Romeo's pee was almost neon yellow. This is a sign of dehydration and not good. I tried to get Romes to drink some water, which he did, but then he promptly threw it up. We tried one more day of getting him to eat or drink something, but he had no interest. He's just lying next to me, weak and sad and it breaks my heart. Rob is going to take him to the vet today so we can see what's going on with the little buddy. I'm really worried about him and can't help but cry to see him like this. It's a hard thing to understand if you're not a cat person, but Romeo is my baby in a way. I've had him since he was 4 weeks old and he's now 6 years old. He's been with me through all my good and hard times, moved houses with me, has always loved me unconditionally...I just want him to be ok. Please let him be ok.

Feelin it

Tuesday will mark seven weeks on bed rest and I'm trying my best to stay up beat and postive about it all... I have a Dr's appointment on Thursday to see where my cervix is measuring in at and I'm hoping it's not too different from two weeks ago (.9cm) If all is good, I will be promoted to moderated bed rest. This means I won't be bound to the bed at all times. It's definitely been more difficult to remain in bed at all times but I think I have been good regardless.

That being said, tomorrow is memorial day and I NEED to get out of this house, even if it's only for a couple of hours. We're going to join my family for a little BBQ on the beach and I'm really looking forward to it. Don't worry, I'm not going to be doing cartwheels on the sand or diving into the ocean. I'll be parked on a lounger while I watch everyone else get to frolic in the sunshine. But hey, it's better then being stuck in my house for yet another day. I will welcome the ocean air, the cool breeze and taking in fresh air. The ocean is something that can always make me happy. The sound of the waves, the salty scent, the endless view of the deep blue water. It instantly makes me calm and happy.

Things have been going pretty good. I feel closer and closer to having the baby, and not just because the weeks are getting checked off one at a time. I feel worn out more. I'm sleeping A LOT less due to constant kicking all night long and having to get up to pee every hour. My back has started to ache here and there and it is harder to breath because the baby is taking up all the room. The kicking is crazy to me. He loves to stick his little feet in between my ribs and just kind of hang out there. Instead of the usual soft kicks they are much harder and more constant. I can actually see my belly jut out when pushes his feet against it. So weird but so cool. It's much harder to move around these days. The belly is big and is taking on a life of it's own. I've gained a total of 20 lbs and I still have just over a month to go.

Wow. That sounds pretty crazy to say......that's no time at all. Thank goodness the baby's room is starting to take shape. Mom, Lexi and Boss came over on Saturday and helped get things sorted out, organized and hung up. The room is ready for some paint and a crib, some art hung up on the wall, all his little tiny clothes hung in his closet. Yup, it's definitely taking shape and I can't wait to see the end result.

What a difference a year makes. Last Memorial day we were all over at Lanie's for a BBQ, we started drinking at noon and went through the night. It was an awesome day of hanging out with friends, playing chicken foot and having the time of our lives. Not a care in the world. Fast forward a year and life couldn't be more different. Not bad, just different. Now instead of partying my ass off I'm waddling to the rest room every 45 mins and feeling my son kick like it's going out of style. Yes, it's completely different from last Memorial day but I can honestly say I am happier overall now. More content, more at peace. I'm in a great relationship, about to start a new chapter in my life and excited to do so. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss being able to let loose, have some drinks and party it up. Thankfully I have a great family who is very supportive and loving, so I'm sure Rob and I will still be able to have the occasional night out. But now it's time to experience something else. Being a Mom. Having a family with the man I love. Now is our time and I can't wait for it to begin.

Ready or Not

I wasn't entirely sure I would be able to have a baby. I had tried in the past for over a year and nothing. I tried going to a specialist, getting on all kinds of medication including fertility drugs...but still nothing. I was sort of resigning myself to the idea that maybe it just wasn't in the cards for me. I tried to tell myself that I was ok with that, and a part of me was. But there was a big part of me that felt like, wait a second, this isn't my destiny. I'm supposed to have a kid, I've been training for it my whole life with my own younger brother and sister, cousins, friends babies etc. But it just wasn't happening for me.

Eventually I stopped the fertility drugs and in time, ended my relationship The two aren't connected, it's just the way things worked out in the end. Neither were easy to do and I don't mean to make it sound so blase here, but there's really no need to go into the details. If you know me, you know them and they speak for themselves. All I could do was pick myself up off the floor and push myself to move forward.

Now here I am, in a great relationship with someone I feel truly connected to, and we're expecting a baby any day now. This pregnancy wasn't planned....in fact it was whatever the complete opposite of planned is. The timing was completely terrible, the fall out was devastating brutal and the emotional roller coaster was enough to make most people just want to give up. But that was never an option. Not because I couldn't give up, but because I didn't want to. The situation was by far the most difficult one I have ever faced but it was all worth it for love. No matter how bad it got, and it got BAD, at the end of the day, it was always still him and I. He made everything worth it. And he still does. Loving him and being loved by him.....it was the light at the end of the tunnel. And it still is.

Having a baby was the last thing on our mind, but for whatever reason, it was our time. The timing was decided by the big man upstairs, I truly believe that. For whatever reason, this gift was given to us and now here we are, almost at the end of the pregnancy, but the journey is just beginning.

You can spend your whole life trying to control your destiny, but at the end of the day, it's out of your hands. When it hits you, you'll be ready, even if you think you're not. You'll surprise yourself. Everything happens for reason. If it's not happening for you right now, maybe it's just not your time. But your time will come. And when it does, it will all have been worth it.

Bases covered

Just incase I go into labor, I got myself all set up to blog from my
iPhone. I know what you're thinking...that if I go into labor,
blogging will be the last thing on my mind. But you never know...I
just want to be prepared in case I feel like doing a little post or two.

This post was brought to you by my iPhone. Thank you technology!

Sent from my iPhone

32 week victory

Sorry for the lapse in writing, but it's for a great reason. I got paroled from Hoag! Yay! I got measured on Wednesday and I was still at .9cm so on Thursday I got released!!! It was a great feeling! Rob got there about 4pm, the nurse brought in the wheelchair, I settled in and off we went. I can't even begin to describe the ecstasy that was fresh air on my face. Oh wow. Amazing. I couldn't stop smiling...it felt like seeing everything again for the first time. Yea, I know thats a smidge dramatic, but I don't care.

More big news, I hit the 32 week mark! Yay!!! I'm so happy that we made it this far, and that Cub is hanging in there like a good boy. I have an appointment with Dr. Diaz next week for a check up and then the following week to get remeasured. I feel like it's getting close to go time because the baby is so low and I'm feeling all kinds of aches and pains that I wasn't before. He's kicking a whole lot more, my hips and joints are super sore and I'm getting the lovely back ache that I haven't had this whole time. My goal is to make it to 37 weeks. Yes, I know it's a lofty aspiration, but I figure go big or go home. I think if I make it to 34 weeks I will be on modified bed rest instead of strict bed rest. The difference is being able to get up and move around here and there. Of course that raises the chances of Cub coming sooner, but I figured, when it's time, he'll make his appearance.

Now that I'm home, I have to admit it's much tougher to be on bed rest. I just want to get out of bed and organize things, do laundry etc. Don't worry, I'm not doing that, I'm just saying that the urge is very strong. In the hospital, it's sort of out of sight, out of mind. There was nothing to do but sit in my hospital bed and pass the time by working or watching tv. Now that I'm out, the things I want to do are all around me. It's somewhat more upsetting because I can hear people outside with their music blasting getting ready to go somewhere. Anywhere. In the hospital I'm pretty much isolated so there aren't as many reminders of all the things I can't do.

That being said, I'm MUCH rather be home then at Hoag. Being able to sleep in my own bed, next to Rob, is the best feeling ever. Being home with the puppies and kitties makes me happy. I think I'm just overwhelmed with everything that still needs to be done before the baby gets here. I thought for a while that it wasn't all that important if we waited to put the nursery together until after Cubby was born, but I have realized that's not entirely true. There have been so many ups and downs with this pregnancy, it would be really nice to have something fun to focus on. The catch is, of course, that I can't do anything to get the nursery ready...ugh! I kind of felt like that's part of being a soon to be mom. A right of passage if you will. You're carrying this baby for nine months, one of the perks is getting to be hands on in getting the nursery ready.

But ok, I can't, wah wah, I need to get over it. This is me getting over it..........*deep breath*.....ok, I'm over it. Instead I'm going to enlist the help of my Mom, Lexi and Rob to transform the "spare room full of boxes" into "Cubby's Kick Ass Nursery." Yes, that's the official name. I think it will be awesome to be able to peek into the room and see it all ready for our son to be here. Not that I dont believe it already, but it will really make everything real. A crib, little tiny clothes hung up, diapers stacked up....yea, I think it's time.

Hoping for parole

Today marks one month that I have been at Hoag on bedrest. It's crazy to think about...4 weeks of sitting in the same bed, only getting up to pee and shower. Looking at the same four walls, looking out the window at the same view. Not hearing a bird chirp or feel fresh air on my face. I don't even have any idea what's outside my door. But I'm proud of myself for getting through it without going totally insane. I could never have done it without my family and friends and definitly Rob. He has been amazing and has taken the time every day, twice a day to be here with me. I couldn't ask for a more supportive partner through this journey.

Tomorrow is the big day. My cervix will be re-measured and fingers crossed that I'm still at .9cm. If I am, then I will get to go home and finish my bed rest there. I have been a model patient, doing everything they ask of me, so I'm hoping it's paid off. I really can't think about spending another week in this hospital room. I will keep thinking positive and visualize my cervix being .9cm and getting released to the outside world.

I'm excited about getting measured because I think they might also do an ultrasound so I can see Cubby. I'm dying to see how he's doing in there. On average, he should be about 4lbs and 17" by now. He is so super active all day long, kicking and punching and flipping. The nurse said babies at his stage take 20 min naps throughout the day, but it usually feels like he goes all day long without getting any shut eye.

Sunday was my first Mothers Day:) For a gift, Cubby gave me my first contraction! I was asleep when it happened, but my nurse told me about it and said it's nothing to worry about. I guess he just wanted to say "Hi Mom! I love you!"

It's surreal to celebrate that day as a mother not just as a daughter. Some might say that I'm not a Mom yet because he hasn't been born yet. But the way I look at it is, if I wasn't a mother, I wouldn't have been on bed rest for 5 weeks. I wouldn't have made the sacrifices that I have over the past 7 months. I wouldn't be waddling around and peeing every 20 minutes. So no, maybe Cub hasn't been brought into the world yet, but he's in my world and I'm in his. My life is different because of him, so I consider myself a Mom. I know I have tons to learn and I will make mistakes along the way, but that's all part of the ride and I can't wait for every bump and twist and turn.

31 week belly

We're at 31 weeks and here's the belly shot to prove it. I can hardly believe how biiiig I've gotten since I've been in the hospital! But bring it on...bigger belly means Cub is getting bigger too and that's all I could ask for. He's been getting the hiccups a lot lately and it's so cute (and totally weird) to feel him there jumping around from them. I still don't know if I have totally wrapped my head around the fact that he's an actual baby in there! I look at the picture from my "31 weeek" entry and think "woah...does he really look like that?" It's beyond anything I have experienced before, to feel him kicking and squirming all day long. He's always moving and the nurses have told me he'll be the same once he's here too. I anticipate an active baby that doesn't want a lot of sleep lol. He's going to be so loved, not only by Rob and I but by his aunties, uncles, cousins, yia yia, bapou, everyone! He'll grown up knowing the meaning of a close family and always having love and support and unconditional love. What greater gift is there?

Believe it because it's true

To my Skillet:
I feel good about this:)