Ready or Not

I wasn't entirely sure I would be able to have a baby. I had tried in the past for over a year and nothing. I tried going to a specialist, getting on all kinds of medication including fertility drugs...but still nothing. I was sort of resigning myself to the idea that maybe it just wasn't in the cards for me. I tried to tell myself that I was ok with that, and a part of me was. But there was a big part of me that felt like, wait a second, this isn't my destiny. I'm supposed to have a kid, I've been training for it my whole life with my own younger brother and sister, cousins, friends babies etc. But it just wasn't happening for me.

Eventually I stopped the fertility drugs and in time, ended my relationship The two aren't connected, it's just the way things worked out in the end. Neither were easy to do and I don't mean to make it sound so blase here, but there's really no need to go into the details. If you know me, you know them and they speak for themselves. All I could do was pick myself up off the floor and push myself to move forward.

Now here I am, in a great relationship with someone I feel truly connected to, and we're expecting a baby any day now. This pregnancy wasn't planned....in fact it was whatever the complete opposite of planned is. The timing was completely terrible, the fall out was devastating brutal and the emotional roller coaster was enough to make most people just want to give up. But that was never an option. Not because I couldn't give up, but because I didn't want to. The situation was by far the most difficult one I have ever faced but it was all worth it for love. No matter how bad it got, and it got BAD, at the end of the day, it was always still him and I. He made everything worth it. And he still does. Loving him and being loved by him.....it was the light at the end of the tunnel. And it still is.

Having a baby was the last thing on our mind, but for whatever reason, it was our time. The timing was decided by the big man upstairs, I truly believe that. For whatever reason, this gift was given to us and now here we are, almost at the end of the pregnancy, but the journey is just beginning.

You can spend your whole life trying to control your destiny, but at the end of the day, it's out of your hands. When it hits you, you'll be ready, even if you think you're not. You'll surprise yourself. Everything happens for reason. If it's not happening for you right now, maybe it's just not your time. But your time will come. And when it does, it will all have been worth it.