Sick Cub

Dom got sick last week and when we took him the doctor, it turned out he had a virus infection that then caused another ear infection. Poor baby. He just got over an ear infection last month. Dr. Christenson said that if he gets one more within the next six months, we will need to go see a specialist and he may need tubes. I hope that doesn’t happen, it would break my heart.

It was a very tough week with little to no sleep. Dom was extremely temperamental and had zero patience. He had a fever for four days and even had a night of projectile vomiting. It’s just the worst when your baby is sick because you want to take the pain away from them, but you can’t. You just have to make them feel as comfortable as possible and hope it’s over soon.

I’m happy to report that Dom is feeling much better and is back to his old self. Well, almost. I have noticed some of the “terrible two’s” coming out. He is very headstrong (where ever does he get that?) and has no problem showing me when he’s not happy about something. He’ll furrow his brow, clap his little hands together angrily and say “no Mommy!” I generally try not to react too much and tell him it’s ok to be mad. Hopefully he doesn’t go into the scary world of screaming, kicking tantrum-ville.

Just do it

Sunday was Mother’s day and also Nicolas’ 5th birthday. We all went up to Temecula to meet up with Mom and Dad and spend the day together. Dad had reserved a winery just for us and it was so much fun to try the different wines and just relax. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much of that for me. Dom hasn’t been feeling well and has been rocking fever for a few days now. When he’s sick, he wants his mama. So I basically had to be holding him or right next to him the whole time. It would have been nice to be able to chill a bit with my family and drink some wine, but it just wasn’t in the cards for me that day. After the wine tasting we went back to the bed and breakfast my parents were staying at and had a delicious lunch spread. Even though Dom wasn’t feeling great, we still had a fun day and even got to sing happy birthday to Nicolas.

For my gift, Rob and Dom got me the new Nike tennis shoes that I wanted. They’re black with teal and are pretty much awesome. I feel pretty legit in those things and can’t wait to try them out at the gym!

What I Need

Perfection in a relationship is not only impossible, but unhealthy. It’s the times you disagree that in a way, bring you closer. It teaches you both how to work together to come to a resolution, and that always feels so fantastic. You are both different people with your own opinions and it would be unbelievable if you agreed on absolutely everything.

I think the key to having different opinions and still loving each other is to be supportive, calm and open during a disagreement. Never make the other person feel like they are wrong, just because they think differently than you. And never have an “it’s my way or nothing” type of attitude. Nothing rubs a person wrong faster than that.

For me, it’s all about tone. Tone, tone, tone. You can say something with a forceful tone, tinges of anger and frustration leaking out and you might as well lock me in a box and throw away the key. My defenses are instantly up. I start the complicated and exhausting dance of putting my “fists” up and letting you know you can’t take me down, while at the same time feeling crushed and hurt and trying to pick myself up off the floor. I won’t take shit from anyone but I’m also sensitive and have a hard time not taking things personally. Those are not the best combination.

Now say the exact same thing in a gentle, loving manner and you have me in the palm of your hand. It’s really that simple.

Compassion is a very important thing to me. If you don’t have compassion, there is an element that will be missing when you argue or disagree. It becomes a dog fight. You will crush your partner’s heart like a tin can. You don’t care how the other person feels, you’re fighting to win. It may not feel that intense to you, in fact you may feel calm and in control. This is the moment when you need to realize it’s not all about you. There is another person in the room. Look at them and ask yourself what you’re doing to their spirit. Ask yourself how your words and actions are affecting them.

But if you don’t have any compassion, those questions never enter your mind. You’re blinded by your own beliefs and conviction, even if the other person isn’t questioning them. You don’t take a breath to say “I’m hurting someone I love, that’s not right.” You just keep verbally swinging until you have knocked the other person out. But what have you accomplished? Do you feel victorious that you “won?” What about the person you “care” about that feels destroyed? This is why compassion is so very important. It shows that you care about more than just yourself. It shows that you can put other people before you. It shows you have a heart and that you feel something.

I’m pretty easy to win over in an argument. Talk to me, don’t lecture me. Be open, not closed off in your own world with your own rules. Be my equal, you’re not better than me. If you know I'm having a hard time with something, help me. Offer what you can. Don't sit there and let me squirm. When all else fails, put your arms around me and pull me close. I’m a sucker for a snuggle.

Working on my Fitness

I’m so excited because Rob got me a trainer! Woo hoo! We go to the gym twice a week and now I will have someone specifically kicking my ass into gear, and I’m super excited about it. We are actually sharing a trainer package that he got. I’ll use him twice a week and Rob will use him once a week. We have different goals, mine is to lose weight and Rob’s is to tone up. I’m excited because I think having my ass kicked will help me make better food choices. I’m also excited to see some weight loss. We have been going to the gym for a couple of months now and I have maintained my weight but not really lost anything. I have a feeling that has something to do with always being on the treadmill. I think my body needs to be shocked, so hopefully the trainer will do that.

I’m not looking for ultra-dramatic changes, I would be happy with being back to the size I was pre-baby. That’s only about 10lbs away. Once I reach that goal, I’d like to keep going and see how I do. But honestly, it’s not about the weight number or size that care about. I’m not striving to be a size 4 or anything silly like that. I have never been a 4. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin again. I’d say the ultimate “queen for a day” wish would be a size 8. But I’d be super happy with a size 12.

I’m a little nervous because I am an epic yo-yo-er. My weight goes up and down and has my whole life. I gain the weight, I lose it, I gain it back. But I really want to try and find a place that makes me happy but is still attainable in my daily life.

Tuesday is my first day with the trainer, I’ll keep you posted!

Nightmares

I hate when bad dreams can affect your whole day. I had some terrible dreams last night and it has put me in such a foul mood. One dream was that Dom was kidnapped from his crib. Yea. Really. I mean, could there be anything worse than that? I don’t know that I would survive something that awful. The second dream was that Rob left me for his ex-wife. Another doozy.

So you can understand why I have had a perma-scowl on my face all day. I know it’s not real life, but it really affected me. I looked up the kidnapping dream and it says “The main theme in abduction dreams is fear. The dreamer may be afraid of losing a very important part of himself or of losing his safest and most familiar surroundings. Also, the dreamer may be afraid of leaving his home, childhood, familiar support group, or long-standing ideas. These types of dreams may be most prevalent during times of psychological or physical transition and during stressful times of life when the future is somewhat uncertain. Consider the details of your dream and try to isolate or identify the fear that created the dream. Superstition based dream interpretation books say that dreaming about being kidnapped is really an omen and that you will receive unexpected news and be successful against your opposition.” Hmm, ok.

Dominic is my whole world. He’s the most important person to me in my whole life. Every day I thank God for such an amazing gift that has changed me in so many ways. There are no words to describe the love I have for my baby boy, it’s a love that you could never imagine until it happens to you. Maybe loving someone that much puts you in a place of fear, because without them, your life would be destroyed. Who knows. I really try not to read too much into dreams. I have always had a fear of home invasion, so it’s probably related to that. What I DO know is that if anyone even touched one hair on my baby’s head, I would kill them with my bare hands and not feel an ounce of guilt.

I used to have bad dreams from time to time, and had a dream catcher above my bed. They went away and this I never had them as much. Maybe I should get another dream catcher?

Make me over

If you could change things about your body with zero risks, would you? If so, what would you get done? Here’s my list: lipo, teeth and boobs. Oh, and hair. Iin that order.

1. Liposuction: tummy, thighs and upper arms
Yea, I know.. What a cop out, right? But hear me out. Having a baby does awful things to your body. Places that I used to be able to get fairly flat now refuse to de bloat. When weight is gained, it’s goes straight the pouch and holds on for dear life. It’s much bigger and wider than I’ve ever experienced, I guess because at one time it was Dom’s mud hut, so it had to get huge. My belly was stretched in a big way to give Cubbers a rad pad to kick back in before he made his entrance into this world. After he was done using it, it may have shrunk back, but the “stretch” is still there, just waiting for anything to set it off. I would love for it to be gone. I understand that of course even if I do that, I still have to diet and exercise to keep the weight off, and I think that’s fair. Just give me the body I want and I’ll promise to maintain it.

2. Teeth fixed
I have never liked my teeth. They are like little chicklets in my mouth. They look like baby teeth, all small and wonky. Except for my two front teeth, which are giant. I look kind of like a rabbit ha ha. Ok, maybe not that bad. I don’t have buck teeth or anything, but my two front teeth are longer than all my other teeth. And my bottom jaw sits back from my top one. And I think I t’s getting worse. I think I’m slowly developing a lisp because of it, Also, my teeth are set back, so when I smile, they look like they have been pushed to the back of my mouth. And lastly, they aren’t very white. Years of being a smoker has taken they’re toll. They aren’t yellow by any means, but they sure could use some brightening up.

Dimitri, Alexia and Marcus all have great smiles. So does my Mom. And Courtney. And Luciano. Perfectly straight, white teeth, front and center where they are supposed to be. I would LOVE to have veneers in the front. They are crazy expensive and I think you have to eat liquids only for about 3 weeks, but it would be worth it just to have a great smile.

3. Boob reduction
I have a lot of boob. It’s just who I am. They have been in my way for most of my life, and I back in junior high and high school, I wished they would leave me alone. There were many times I had to pass on dresses and tops because the girls just wouldn’t fit up top. Boys had a one track mind. It was a challenge to play sports and run during P.E.

I almost got a boob reduction in high school but the dr. told me there would be a risk that I wouldn’t be able to breast feed one day, and that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. Ha! A lot of good that did me. Those damn things didn’t produce one singe drop anyway!

But over time, I have come to accept them and love them . My reason for wanting a reduction is that they are just a tad too big, especially if my tummy is reduced. Let’s bring it down a notch. A full “C” cup would be great. Oh, and while we’re at it, raise them up a bit, would ya?

4. Hair Re-Do
My hair and I have a love/hate relationship. I have brief moments in time where it does something amazing and I fall in love, but then it just stops being amazing and we break up.

Back in 2008 we had a great run and I thought maybe we’d live happily ever after. I got a great cut, added some bangs and some blonde highlights, and suddenly every blow out I gave myself was perfect. (Thank you Erica from Vogue Salon!) It took me much longer to do my hair, but I had the time. This was pre baby! I would blowdry it, then flat iron it to perfection. I couldn’t have a bad hair day if I tried. This went on for about 8 months and then it just decided to stop being awesome and hate me again.

Then we went through this fantastic phase where I hardly had to do anything to it and it would look fab. I’d wash it, spray in some sea spray and a little leave in conditioner, go to bed and BAM! In the morning I’d have perfect waves, perfect bangs, perfect everything. Curly hair never looked so good.

My current relationship with my hair is that we are on a break. I’m kind of giving it the silent treatment. It used to be so super dooper thick and but it’s hella thin these days. Never thought that would be an issue. I don’t know if it’s from years of coloring or post baby hair syndrome, but me no likey. I miss thick, lustrous hair. When I put it in a ponytail, it just looks sad. Thank goodness I’m kind of known for my bun, it’s an easy go to and doesn’t show how skinny my locks are. I would love to get some hair extensions to add fullness, not length. I want to have J Lo hair. Please?

If it was possible to make me taller, I’d want that too. I’m not going to be greedy, just get me up to 5’5 and I’d be over the moon!

It sounds like a lot and seems like I wouldn’t look like me at the end of it, but I think it would. It’s all pretty subtle stuff. I want to say that I would never do any of it because of the risks involved. But if I’m being honest, and since this is my blog and I don’t think anyone really reads it, why wouldn’t I be?..... I would do any/all of the above if I had the money. Ok, maybe that’s not totally true. It’s not just the money holding me back. The other thing that would make me think twice is what others would think. By others, I mean my family. And Rob. I wouldn’t want them to feel like I took the easy way out, or that I was messing with what “God gave me.” Although they’d probably get over it, especially when they saw how good I looked after all the bruising, bleeding and swelling stopped;)

Wrap it up, I’ll take it! Ok, time to start saving. I’m guessing probably about $50,000 worth of procedures. Now taking donations.

Diagnosis

I took Dom to the doctor today and he has an ear infection! Poor baby:( He’s on meds now so hopefully he’ll be back to feeling like his old self again soon.

Cubbers under the weather

Poor Cubbers wasn’t feeling well most of the weekend. His fever started on Friday night and although he wasn’t his usual cheery self, he still had an appetite. He put away a couple of bowls of mac n cheese at soup plantation, along with cucumbers, tomatoes, pickles, olives, raisins, cheese, baked potato and vanilla yogurt. That night he woke up a couple of times with a little cough but nothing major.

At 4:30am, he woke up crying and when I went into his room, he was sitting in his crib, clutching bunny looking very sad with tears rolling down his face. This instantly breaks my heart so I scooped him up and held him in my arms. Poor baby was burning up. I brought him into our bed and started getting his pajamas off while Rob took his temperature (99.6 degrees.) Our goal was to cool him down and help him feel more comfortable.

He took some infant ibuprofen to reduce the fever and got some water down to help with his dehydration. We laid in bed and I did my best to soothe him. He was wide awake and even though he wasn’t feeling well, he still had plenty of things to say. I told him that it was still night-night time and that we should go back to sleep. He responded by grabbing snuggles and saying “Mama! Dada’s bear!” “yes baby, that’s Dada’s bear, good job!” Then he cradled the bears head in his hand and shared his sippy cup with him. So cute.

Rob fell asleep and I was so relieved because it seemed his slight snoring was helping Dom fall asleep. They both got into a rhythm and finally I felt Dom give in and fall asleep. I realized I was almost falling off the bed (California King, mind you!) but there was no way I was going to scoot Dom over so I could have some more room. I managed to balance on the side of the mattress and closed my eyes, falling back asleep with my baby in my arms.

By morning, Dom’s fever had gone down but he was still not himself. We laid in bed chatting when all of a sudden he reminded me that it was Rob’s birthday! “Mammy, Dada’s bday!” We had been practicing “happy birthday to you” for several weeks, and now was our big moment. We sang to Rob and Dom did a great job of singing along too. He looked very proud of himself and of course clapped at the end.

His fever was up and down all day and he had zero appetite. Rob and I were thinking about cancelling going out that night, but Dom was SO EXCITED about going to Yia YIa and Bapou's house, we just crossed out fingers and hoped he would stay fever free.

Dom kept asking me ALL DAY about going to Yia Yia and Bapous house. Finally, after his nap I asked him if he wanted to help me pack his suitcase. Of course he said “YEA!” and proceeded to grab his Diego backpack and fill it with various books and toys. Then he grabbed his wheely suitcase and headed for the hallway. “Garage! Garage!” Ok, when did he learn that word? He was knocking on the door trying to turn the handle to get out. He wasn’t very happy when I him we still had another 2 hours before we were going over there.

Finally the time came and I dropped him off at my Mom and Dad’s. He was so happy to be there, and the great news is that his fever didn’t come back and he slept through the night. The bad news is that he threw up in the morning and still wasn’t feeling great.

We brought him home on Sunday and the whole day was a very emotionally exhausting one. His fever went up and down in waves and there were moments throughout the day where he was in a lot of pain. He’d be ok one minute, and then crying out the next. It was horrible to watch, especially when he was crying “Mama, nooooo!!!” while big fat tears rolled down his cheeks. It was the absolute worst feeling in the world, to see him in pain like that. It was breaking my heart that I couldn’t take the pain away and make him happy again. I tried to comfort him but he didn’t want anyone to touch him at that moment. Then it would be over and he’d be ok. It was a long and tiring day for all of us. Thankfully he slept through the night, waking up at 5:30am. Again, he didn’t want to eat breakfast.

This is day 3 of him not eating much. I think he’s had about one banana, some strawberries and grapes the entire time. Hopefully he feels better soon and can get a whole meal into his tummy.

Fact

It’s amazing what an eyebrow wax can do to lift a girl’s spirits.

Drop the A, add an EEEE

When Dominic was first born, I would always dream of the day he’d say his first word and hear him say “Mama.” Well, his first word was “Dada” and it was so awesome! I remember Rob and I sitting on the couch and when he said it, we whipped our heads around to look each other, “did you hear that?!” It’s like a miracle has just happened. This little blob of a baby communicated with you! AND they know you’re their parent!

Ok, so I didn’t get first-word props, but when it did finally happen, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. As Dom got older, every other word was “Mama” or “Maaaammmaaaaa!!!!” and no matter how many times he said it (which was about a million,) it still felt amazing every single time.

Over the past week, something has changed. He dropped the A and added a Y. Instead of him saying “Mama” he now says “Mommy!” I can hardly believe it! What happened to my baby boy? I don’t know why, but it just feels so grown up to me. To hear him calling for my attention by saying “Mommy! Mommy!” is so crazy. A tiny part of me is sad because I loved when he called me “Mama,” but the way he says “Mommy” is so fricken cute, I can’t help but smile. He has a slight accent, as he does with a lot of his words. Phonetically he says “moMEEE!” It’s so cute, really.

Sleep it off

I felt like crap yesterday. My back was on fire, my joints ached. It was almost impossible to make it through the work day. I picked up Dominic from day care at 4:30pm, gave him dinner and had some play time, made Rob’s dinner, gave Dom a bath, read him a couple of stories, put him to bed and then….i was dunzo. I took a quick shower and crawled into bed. I watched a little TV before passing out, bundled up in the covers. Did I mention it was about 8:00pm? I was so cold and it felt so good to be enveloped in the warm comforter, pulled all the way up to my eyes. I woke up at 9:30pm, sweating and realized I didn’t eat dinner. Rob asked if he could get me anything but I wasn’t done trying to get rid of the illness so I scooted back under the covers and resumed hibernation mode. It must have worked because I woke up this morning feeling so much better. Maybe it was my body’s way of forcing sleep on me. Whatever it was, I’m just glad it seems to be over.

Pillow and a blanket please

Why am I so tired today? I am sitting at my desk and am trying as hard as I can to not fall asleep. I can feel my eyes closing and my head doing the nodding off thing. I would give anything to lie down, close my eyes and take a nap. My back is killing me too….I hope I’m not getting sick. No time for that nonsense. If I could just go to sleep, everything would be ok….

Flip side

Relationships are hard. It takes a lot from both parties to make it not only work, but make it good. Sometimes it feels like you’re on top of the world and everything is going to be ok. But sometimes, it can be frustrating and you feel like nothing is going right.

Little Fishy

Dom had his first swim lesson today! He's taking classes at the YMCA right next to our house. It's a brand new facility and the outdoor pool is heated to 82 degrees. I got him suited up in his cool Quicksilver shorts (from Marcus and Megs!) and his rash guard shirt, sprayed on the sunblock and he was ready to go. He had so much in the water with Rob. He was splashing and kicking his feet, shrieking with the laughter the whole time. I've been practiscing in the bath tub with him and he was very comfortable with the pool. He walked right in, holding Daddy's hand of course. Lexi came by to watch, and that meant a lot to me. I don't ever make a big deal about these types of events to people because everyone is busy and has a lot going on. Lex saw my post on Face Book that his lesson was on Saturday and she wanted to come. Dom loved having her there and calling out to her from the pool. He can't wait until next Saturday to get back in the pool and splash around!

Word Mix Up

Dom woke up this morning at 5am so I brought him into bed with us, hoping he’d go back to sleep and I could get one more hour of sleep. We snuggled under the blankets and for a second there, I thought it was going to work. But then he was all wide eyed and bushy tailed. Ok, I guess we’re getting up early today. He was getting all loud saying “Mama! Baba!” which is him saying he wants to watch Yo Gabba Gabba. It was a rare morning that Rob hadn’t gotten up early and gone to work already so I was trying to keep things quiet to let him sleep longer. I told Dom that we had to whisper so that we didn’t wake Daddy. He looked at me said “shhtthhhh, Dada” with one finger covering his lips. I asked him if he could whisper and he said yes. Then I said “Show Mama how you whisper.” And he proceeded to try and whistle. Haa haa! I was dying laughing, he’s so cute!

Bunny Love

We are a family of 6. Daddy, Mommy, Dominic, Sophie, Cuddles and Bunny. Dom got Bunny (or Baba, which is what he called him) as a gift from one of my sisters friends, Kandice. We thought it was cute and put it on his shelf, not thinking too much about it. When we started trying to get Dom to sleep through the night, I gave him Bunny to comfort him. I had slept with it the night before so he had my sent on it, hoping that would help. After that, Dom always slept with him, tucked under his chin with one of the ears in his mouth. Come morning, Bunny would soon be forgotten about and we’d go about our day.

Over the past couple of months, I have noticed that Dom is really attached to him, more than ever. And he now calls him by his name, Bunny. When he sits on my lap as I read him a bedtime story, Bunny is right there too, one ear in his mouth. When it’s time to get up in the morning, Bunny stays firmly planted in Dom’s hand as I lift him out of his crib. Changing his diaper, brushing his teeth, getting dressed…Bunny is a part of it all. Even breakfast time. Dom runs down the hallway, clutching Bunny in his little hands and sits him on his lap when he’s in the high chair. He shares his sippy cup and sometimes his cereal with him. They read books together, watch Yo Gabba Gabba, sing in the car and the new thing is when Dom says “Mama!” and I turn around to look and Bunny is dancing along to the music. Dom giggles with excitement.

Needless to say, Bunny gets washed. A lot. A little dip in the washing machine paired with an air dry and he’s good as new. Now, the ears…well….I’m afraid those will never be the same again. They have been sucked and chewed on over a year and are permanently discolored. I have even tried scrubbing them with a toothbrush and soap, but no go.

What would happen if we lost bunny? I don’t even want to think about it. I have scoured the internet looking for a backup Bunny, but haven’t found one. I think it’s pretty cute to see him so drag him all over the house and always wanting him to be right there. I wonder how long Dom will be so attached to him? When the day comes that he doesn’t need Bunny anymore, I will wash him one last time, put him in an acrylic display box and hang him on Dominic’s bedroom wall. And one day, I will tell him about all the adventures he had with his first best friend.

A glimmer of hope!

Guess what?? I stepped on the scale this morning and my weight was DOWN! Yes, finally!!! Oh man, please don’t let the scale be broken, because I need this. I was so happy to see a lower number that I decided to celebrate with a cute outfit. I got this H&M top on eBay last year for $5.00 and it turned out to be a form fitting sweater instead of a loose, baggy one that I had anticipated. So it went into my closet and while pretty to look at, it has never been worn. Well, today was the day to say “yea I’m chubby, but I’m working on it so back off!” Do I have some rolls showing? Yes. Do I look a little on the wide side? Well, the stripes aren’t helping. But you know what? I feel pretty good in this outfit. I’m not hiding behind a baggy shirt. I’m putting it out there and I am trying to be proud of my body. It’s a work in progress and I’m doing my best to be ok with that.

It's Simple

Sometimes the easiest things are actually the hardest.

Shady

Dom has a little obsession with sunglasses. He loves all kinds and always rocks every single pair. He asks me “Mama, glass?” so I hand a pair over and he happily slips them on his head and grins from ear to ear. Man, my kid is so cool:)

Weight War

The scale has not been kind to me. It’s beyond frustrating when I’ve been watching what I eat, working out three times a week, and the only place my weight goes is up. And up. And up.

I stopped doing Weight Watchers about a month ago because I just needed a break. I was burnt out on counting points, food journaling and not being able to eat whatever I wanted. The day I started my “hiatus” I felt like I had just gotten out of prison. I could eat whatever I wanted and I wasn’t going to get weighed! Waahooo! Let’s go crazy! That box of Tim Tam cookies? Yes, I can eat them all if I want! Cookie and Cream ice-cream? Sure, why not?! McDonalds, Del Taco and In n Out? Let’s do it. That lasted about 2 two weeks before I knew I had to stop. I got it out of my system and enjoyed every second. But I couldn’t let all my hard work of losing weight go out the window. Plus, I was beginning to feel sluggish and my skin broke out. I felt a little out of control. I didn’t go back to weight watchers, but I decided to take it into my own hands. I have done WW enough that I know what to eat and what not to eat. Rob joined us up at a gym and we committed to going twice a week, which we do. I also take the jazzercise class with Lanie on Thursday nights. I’m not counting points, but I am eating cautiously and not going crazy every day.

For the past 3-4 weeks, it has crept up on the scale and I can’t understand why. I even took TWO pregnancy tests because I couldn’t understand how I was gaining so much weight so fast. I thought for sure I was “with child.” My stomach looks like I’m about 5 months along…but seeing as both tests came out negative and there is no baby, I just look bloated and fat. Ugh. This is a huge knock to my self-confidence. I was doing so well and now I feel like I screwed it all up. But I haven’t been eating out of control. Is it because I’m not doing Weight Watchers? No, because I’m eating the same way AND I’m working out, which means I should be losing weight, not gaining it. I don’t know why my stomach has expanded so much; I just know that I don’t like it. I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes right now. I just want to cover up and wear baggy shirts. This is extremely frustrating as I worked so hard to NOT feel that way. I lost 20lbs and was happy wearing anything in my closet. Now I look in there and just want to grab the same flannel shirt every day.

I will just keep moving forward and keep working out. Hopefully I will see some progress on the scale soon, before I become totally discouraged and say eff it.

Family Photo

How did I get this lucky?

2 Faces

Dom has two new faces and they both crack me up. The one above is his winky face. He does such a good wink, seriously. Most kids at this age would close both eyes but Dom has mastered the wink perfectly. He keeps one eye open, squints the other one and gives a litte smirk. It's so rad!

This is his cheese face. When I'm going to take his photo, he'll say "cheeeeeeshe" and ham it up for the camera. His little tongue tends to stick out because he has a lisp (which hello, so cute!) Check out the gusto! His little personality is just shining through and I love it!

Mommy Perks

I saw this on a website when I was pregnant with Dom and it made me so excited to have him in my arms (like i wasnt already!)

Now that my baby is almost two years old, I re read this and it still make me so excited to hold him in my arms.

Having a baby changes a mom's life, but the bundle of joy also alters the way she looks at the world and lives each day. Here are some of the purest perks that come with being a mother.

1. You see everything for the first time again through the child's eyes — even ants are amazing.

2. A single gummy smile can save even the biggest wreck of a day.

3. When the infant fusses, your mere presence calms him.

4. If you rest your child on your chest, your hearts beat in unison.

5. When he laughs, he shakes, drools, and almost keels over, but it's the most adorable thing you've ever seen. So you make him do it again and again.

6. You think about the future in bigger and brighter ways. You picture him heading off to kindergarten and graduating from high school.

7. You anticipate and even dream of little things like a cutting tooth, a single step, or a two syllable utterance: "mama."

8. You forget about things you used to care so much about, because they actually don't matter at all.

9. You finally understand what "a mother's instinct" means.

10. Your will to live intensifies because you don't want to miss a moment of your child's spectacular life.

Taking it like a champ

It’s only been a couple of days, but Dom is doing great with getting back to his old schedule. He hasn’t (knock on wood) woken up in the middle of the night asking for milk since Sunday night and has been sleeping straight through to 7:00am. It’s been good for him and for me. We have both enjoyed getting caught up on some much needed sleep. Hopefully it continues this way:)

Clean up connoisseur

Rob and I have been enforcing the “pick up your toys” rule all last week and weekend, and Dom is totally into it. The first time, as I mentioned before, he wasn’t too happy and it took about 20 mins to get him to actually do it. The next night it took about 10 minutes and then after that he doesn’t have to be told over and over again. We just tell him “ok Baby, time to clean up before bath time” and he starts putting his blocks in the tub, books back on the shelf and his little stuff into his busy boxes. It’s amazing! Rob and I help him clean up so it’s a team effort and it has made the whole thing so much easier. Way to go Dom!

Cry. Cry. No milk. Cry. Sleep.

Detox

Dom woke up in the middle of the night wanting milk, and I had to tell him no. Crying ensued. More crying. Some screaming. Me comforting him and telling him I love him. More crying. Crying. Then quiet….sleep

Milk Pusher

I don’t know how it happened, but I think I got Dom back into a habit that took us a lot of time to break. Getting a bottle in the middle of the night. He of course doesn’t drink a bottle anymore, but he has been waking up either in the middle of the night or at 5:30am asking for “waa waa” which is milk. Uh oh.

I didn’t meant to do it, I swear. When we was on formula, we got to a place where he’d have his bottle after dinner, but when it was bed time, no go. He could have some water, but no milk. Then it took him a while to get used to whole milk. He went weeks with just having a little bit here and there. I made sure he got his needed calcium by making sure he eat cheese, cereal with milk etc. Then one day, he suddenly decided he couldn’t get enough of it. Because he went so long without it, I was over the moon that he had his thirst for it back. So I didn’t discourage him drinking, even when he wanted it during story time before he went to bed. He would drink two sippy cups full while sitting on my lap, no problem. Thus began the “drinking milk right before bed” routine again.

But wait, it gets worse. Dom finally broke through one of his molars, and the others are starting to come in too. He had a rough couple of weeks of having a cold, teething and just feeling not well. When he’d wake up in the middle of the night and cry for “waa waa” I gave it to him because I wanted to comfort him. Hell, if having Mommy jump up and down like a pogo stick would have brought him comfort, I would have slapped on a bra and gone at it. But luckily got me, he just wanted his milk.

And now here we are 3 weeks later, and he is still waking up in the middle of the night about 2-3 times a week asking for it. Shoot. Why did I do this? It wasn’t on purpose. I was just trying to comfort my baby, which was the short term goal. But I didn’t think about the long term in the moment, and now I am faced with having to go through the process of re-learning Dom’s behavior to not expect milk in the middle of the night. This involves a lot of crying and heart break. And Dom’s not going to be too happy about it either.

Morning Shuffle

I can’t believe it, but Doms 2nd birthday is only 4 months away. Every day he is testing his boundaries more and more, and I see his little defiant streak peeking out. As much as I love that he is experiencing his independence right now, it can be totally exhausting and stressful. The mornings are usually a whirlwind of chaos that leaves me ready for a nap before I’ve even left the house.

Most week days, Rob is up at 4:00am to get ready for his first job that he drives to Torrance for. Yes, I said 4:00am. And yes, I said his first job. Let me share with you the awesomeness that is my boyfriend for a second. Not only does he get up at 4am, drive to Torrance, work his ass off for about 4-5 hours while most of us are still sleeping, but then he leaves there, drives to Irvine and begins his day all over again at his second job. There he works just as hard, hanging from ceilings, pulling cable, walking 15 miles in one day before driving home to us at about 5pm. Yes, that’s a 13 hour work day. And he comes home in a good mood. No bitching or complaining. Happy to see me and Dom. See, I told you he was awesome.

But getting back to my chaotic mornings. It’s a challenge to get everything done in the morning when Dom is so adventurous. He’s too old and big to be put in his pack and play (that now permanently resides at my parents house) so after I have got him dressed and fed him breakfast (while feeding Sophie and taking her to go potty) Dom has to come with me to so I can get ready for work. This used to be easier about 3 weeks ago. But in that short amount of time, he no longer quietly sits on the bed watching TV or reading his book. Now he squirms off the bed so that he can go through the dresser drawers or rummage through my closet and pull stuff off the hangers. He wants to explore the cabinet underneath the sink or play with Daddy’s laptop. I can’t even get through brushing my teeth without saying “Dom, no” or “Dominic, stop right now.” It gets me stressed out because I’m trying to get ready for work and trying to keep Dom to sit still all at the same time. I’ve got Sophie barking in the kitchen, Cuddles licking the plastic wipes package and Dom trying his very best to get into anything and everything that he can. By the time we’re walking out the door, I sometimes feel overwhelmed. I don’t know how single Moms do it. I take my hat off, because it’s a lot of work.

Did I mention that I’m super tired because Dom woke up at 4:30am on yesterday and decided he didn’t want to go back to sleep, so that’s when our day started. And then last night, when he should have been exhausted because he didn’t take a nap all day (and, you know, he was up at 4:30am) he still woke up at 2:30am wanting milk. I gave him some and put him back in his crib where he just cried on and off for 45 mins before I gave in and brought him into bed with me. I feel like I haven’t had any consistent sleep in months and I think it’s catching up to me.

But you know what? It’s all worth it. There isn’t one part of me that wishes these weren’t my problems. I love that these are my problems. Because it means that I have an awesome boyfriend, son, dog and cat and losing a little shut eye is a small price to pay for the place I call home.

How To Tell If He’s A Keeper

1. He’s willing to put you first.
When a man is truly committed to you, and your relationship is heading for the long term, he will make you an integral part of his life, as well as his top priority. A keeper will continually affirm that he loves you and is devoted to your relationship, both verbally and through his actions.

2. He’s there for you in a crisis.
A keeper will be by your side when the going gets tough. By showing he supports you in a time of real need, his actions assure you he’ll be there to hold your hand during the birth of your child, the deaths of your parents and any other high-stress or grief-ridden situations that you’re sure to face.

3. He appreciates your quirks.
A good man will fall in love with you because he cherishes your gifts and is willing to overlook your flaws. But a keeper will even find your quirkier qualities-religious reading of your and his horoscopes or habit of eating peanut butter straight from the jar with the spoon- not just tolerable but endearing.

4. He shows how much he cares.
The most important element of any relationship is how the man you’re choosing to spend your time with treats you. We’re not necessarily talking about bestowing upon you bouquets of red roses (though that’s always nice) but by showing you he cares about your well being too: things like checking your tires because he thinks they look a little low or sending you an email to wish you luck on your presentation at work.

5. He’s kind.
Since we were kids, we’ve been told that actions speak louder than words. This is never truer than in how your man conducts himself toward you and others. A keeper is an all-around nice person. He’s respectful to his parents (and yours,) polite to waiters and waitresses and gentle towards animals. And he acts kindly even when he thinks no one else is looking-a true sign of good character.

6. He’s consistent.
Along the same lines as the previous sign, a keeper is reliable- a man who you can truly depend on. While all people change throughout the courses of our lives, a man you’d want to have around for the long-term isn’t wishy-washy. His word should be stronger than oak, as the phrase goes, and his loving conduct toward you should be just as steady.

7. He wants to build a life with you.
When one person in a relationship wants to get married and the other doesn’t, you have a fundamental difference on your hands that needs to be addressed. A keeper, therefore, shares similar life goals as you do, and he’ll readily work with you to make sure his plans and your plans for the future can mesh.

8. He can handle your emotions.
We think it’s safe to say that women have a track record of expressing our feelings more than our male counterpart. And said men need to know how to deal with our doing so in order to be considered our long term partners. A keeper will never attack you for being overly emotional by accusing you of being “just like your mother” or, our personal favorite, “crazy.”

9. He fights fair.
How a man handles conflict shows as much about his character as how he acts during the good times. A keeper will express his feelings, ask for what he wants and can receive constructive criticism-without screaming, whining or pouting. He will also be capable of listening to what’s on your mind without interjecting to correct or blame you.

10. He’s a grown up.
On the road from child to adult, some guys stall out three quarters of the way, never becoming self-sufficient. An immature man who refuses to adjust to the norms and values of society doesn’t see youth as a stage but rather a refuge from responsibility. A keeper, on the other hand, is not just competent but confidant in successfully managing his own life.

Clean Up Time

It seems that overnight my baby has become a full on boy. Right now he’s totally into cars, trucks, dinosaurs, running, jumping, climbing and basically giving me a heart attack every 10 minutes. He loves to use his “Cars” chair as a step stool to climb onto the couch and then look out the window. He also loves to take a running leap to his chair and see where he lands. He thinks it’s hilarious. I’m not as amused. The kid has no fear right now, which I kind of love and totally admire. He’ll be sitting in his armchair and throw his legs up, twisting his whole body so he’s turned upside down with his head hanging off the seat.

He’s still completely into music. We have to listen to his Gabba cd every single time we’re in the car. It’s funny because he’s so particular about which song he wants to listen to. He’ll make a funny little noise to signal me that he wants me to move to the next song. We continue that process until he hears a song he likes and then will proceed to rock out in his car seat. He especially loves the song “wiggle wiggle wiggle …hold still” because Rob and I will wiggle and wiggle and then hold still. If we don’t do it, he’ll say “Mama! Dadda!” and then will get into it and he’ll crack up.

Along with all these adorable traits, he’s also become rather stubborn and head strong. Well, ok, he’s always been that way. But now we’re at the stage where he understands what I’m asking him to do, and he straight out defy me. I’ll ask him to pick up his toys and he refuses. The other night he did something where Rob and I sternly told him “no Dominic, we don’t do that” and he got so mad that he stomped over to his bookcase and tried to push all his books off the shelf. Hmm, ok, well this is new territory. We’re going to have to work with him on that. I know he’s still young and is exploring his boundaries, and that’s ok, we encourage that. But I don’t want my son to be a brat who doesn’t listen. Rob and I both agreed it was time to explain to Dom that there are certain things that are non-negotiable.

Last night was our first big obstacle. Picking up his toys. Like I mentioned, right now he loves to dump out his busy boxes, his blocks and most of his toys all over the floor. And we’re happy to let him do that, he’s a toddler learning and experiencing new things. But it usually ends with met taking him for a bath and pajama time while Daddy picks up the toys.

Last night when it was bath time, I turned off the TV and told Dom we have put his toys away first. I started to pick up some toys but he kept on playing. I told him again, “Dom, come on, please help Mama” but instead he turned his back and acted really interested in the wall. Ok, here we go.

On the advice of Nonnie, I picked Dom up, sat him down on the floor among all his toys and told him “Dom, you need to sit here until you’re ready to pick up your toys.” I wondered how that would go over as time out for a 20 month old is tricky. He understands but has a short attention span, so if he sits there too long, he might forget what he’s supposed to do. Also, there is a very good chance he’ll just get up when I sit him down. There is nothing holding him there.

Luckily, Dom is a good listener. He sat on the floor and just kind of looked at me. After about a minute he got up and started to play with his toys. I asked him to put his toys away but he ignored me, so I picked him back up, sat him back down and told him again “Dom, you need to sit here until you’re ready to pick up your toys.” At this point, he was getting upset. He laid down on the floor and started this guttural growl of disapproval while pulling his hair, his fingers, his hands, his jeans…he was expressing his frustration, and even though he wasn’t happy, he wasn’t screaming or throwing a tantrum. I was pretty impressed. After about 3 minutes I asked if he was ready to pick up his toys. He said yes but started taking more toys out. I repeated the process of putting him back on the floor and he once again was frustrated and growled to let me know. Rob and I sat on the couch in silence and let Dom be mad. This went back and forth for about 20 minutes until I asked Dom again if he was ready to pick up his toys. He sat up and said “yea” and started putting them away! Whaaa?! It worked!

It was a pretty awesome feeling to see that our persistence and first real shot at discipline worked. When all the toys were picked up, we had a group hug and we told Dom how proud of him we are. I know, I know, it sounds awfully “Brady Bunch” or “Parenting Magazine” but I really did feel proud of him for listening to what we were asking of him. It was a big step for him and for us.

My Heart

The best thing that has ever happened to me.

Momma Cub

One of the most amazing things about being a Mom is having the power to comfort your child just by holding him close. I remember a thousand times that my Mom has done that for me. Even now as an adult, somehow she can make it all better. All it takes is to have her arms wrapped around me and I feel her love and soothing. I’m actually getting teary eyed right now just thinking about it. There is no way I would have made it through all the tough moments in my life without my Mom. Everything from scraped knees, broken hearts, bad hair days, my car accident, my divorce, my pregnancy…she has always been there for me. Sometimes no words are necessary.

Now that I’m a Mom, I am starting to have the same experiences, of course on a much more basic level. If Dom is cranky, hungry, falls down etc. he comes running for me. I’ll swoop him up into my arms and make it all better. But last night, I really felt that moment of “wow, I was able to comfort him just by being his Mama.”

He woke up at 9:30pm with a scream. That gave way to rumblings, crying and shuffling around in his crib. I let him try and sort it out on his own for about 10 minutes, but he just couldn’t self soothe enough to go back to sleep. When I went in there and picked him up, his head instantly went onto my shoulder and his little paws clung to my arms. Usually when I take him out of his crib he stops crying instantly but this time he kept going. I rocked him, bounced him, asked him what was wrong but nothing was working. Little tears kept rolling down his face and his poor nose was dripping. I think he’s been teething again (another molar perhaps?) so maybe that’s what woke him up. After having some milk in his sippy cup, a diaper change and some cuddles on the rocking chair, I put him back in his crib and hoped he’d be able to get back to sleep. If I brought him into our bed he’d just think it was play time and then would suddenly be wide awake wanting to watch Gabba.

After listening to him cry for another 15 minutes, I knew he just wasn’t feeling well. I plucked him out of his bed and climbed into ours. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled the comforter around us. Right away he snuggled up to me, bunny clutched firmly in his arms, and slowly stopped crying. He nuzzled his little head underneath mine and let out a sigh. He was asleep in under 2 minutes. I lay there in the dark with my baby boy and felt proud and important and special. Even though he was crying and inconsolable a second ago, just having his Mama close made it all better. No medicine, no magic words, nothing specific. Just me. That’s an incredible feeling and I’m so lucky to experience it.

My whole life, my Mom has always been able to make it all better for me, and it always felt so amazing to feel that. It wasn’t until last night that I realized how good it feels for my Mom too.

Dom needs to know

Dom asks me the same two questions every night before he’ll let me walk out of his room after putting him to bed.

1). Where’s Dada?
2). Where’s Woof Woof?

Only then will he settle in and say nah night. And I think it’s the cutest thing ever.

I'm really a Mom

When I look at this photo, I’m kind of taken aback. I look like a Mom. I mean, I know I’m a Mom, but to see it from outside eyes is pretty cool. It makes me smile to see us together in a private moment captured by the camera (thanks Tina!)

We were a petting zoo with Tina and Ethan and I was asking him if he wanted to go on the choo choo train. Despite his expression, he was excited. I think his dire need for a nap was taking over at this moment.

Even though I live every single day as a Mom, it still sometimes amazes me that I have a child. There was a time where I thought that just wasn’t in the cards for me, no matter how hard I tried and how many types of medicine I took. I finally stopped all the meds and decided that it must not be my time. Some changes in my life took place and then BAM, preggers. I was completely stunned but knew that this was the plan that was laid out of me.

Having Dominic has completely changed my life in every way possible. There isn’t a second in the day that I don’t think about how lucky I am to have him as my son. Every single day he makes me laugh out loud and is very pleased at himself for doing it. I can’t even fathom what my life would be like if he hadn’t come along. I think I would convince myself that I was ok with not being able to not conceive, that I was fulfilled without a need for a child. But I think in my heart of hearts, I would mourn for the connection that a mother and child share. I would have known what I was missing out on something so special that it can’t be duplicated in any other way.

Dominic is my miracle baby. Not only did he come at a time when I thought I couldn’t conceive, but I almost lost him a couple of months later. Despite me losing a ton of blood, my baby held onto that umbilical cord for dear life and made it through stronger and more determined than ever.

My kid is special. He’s going to do something great with this life. No matter what that may be, he’ll put his whole heart into it and give it all he’s got. Because he’s part of me. And part of Rob. He was created in love. Born into love. And will live the rest of his life with love.

My morning post to Lanie’s Facebook page

“So I heard the new Britney this morning and I thought of us doing those brutal chaises with the hold stop…. and I realized I love that exercise even though my calf’s hate me. Also, I have beers rolling around in my trunk and it’s making me thirsty. Lastly, as Rob pointed out, you are totally hardcore for having a rager the night before your open house. You are my hero.”

Dom's Current Obsessions

Little Critter Books

iPhones and iPads

Yo Gabba Gabba (still)

Dora the Explorer

Jack Black

Dinosaurs

Boss

My little brother is one of the coolest people I know. He’s funny, smart, compassionate, sweet, respectful and always has a smile on his face. Ok, maybe I shouldn’t keep calling him my little brother (even though he is) because he’s 25 years old. But to me, he’ll always be my baby bro.

He used to call me “Mama” when he was a baby and I’d take so much pride in taking care of him. When he was a baby, his room was opposite mine. I went to bed, I’d go in there and scoop him out of his crib and bring him into bed with me. I loved snuggling up with him. As he got older and moved into a big boy bed, he’d get up in the middle of the night and come into my room. In the morning I’d wake up and he’d be sleeping on the floor next to my bed, covered with his little dinosaur towel as a blanket. Can you imagine how cute that was? Trust me, it was freakin the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

Now that we’re both adults, I still love him with all my heart. When I take my one night off a month from being a Mom, we usually hang out. He’s always so much fun to be around and instantly makes any situation a fun one.

He’s always been there for me, even though he’s younger than me. When I got divorced, he was the one who went with me to court. When I found out I was pregnant, he was the first person I told. And instead of freaking out, he said “That’s so awesome!” and gave me a big hug. I know I can tell him anything and there will be zero judgment. That's a pretty increduble feeling.

Through some of the darkest moments in my life, I’d stare at a post it note he gave me that says “You = Best. Everything will be ok. I love you.” No matter how gutted, distraught, heartbroken and full of despair and sadness I was feeling at the time, it would always make me feel better. It’s still taped on my desk at work and is now faded, grungy and worn. But little post it note got me to the other side and it’s something I will always treasure.

I feel lucky to have a little brother like Marcus, especially because he’s one of my best friends. He's one of the awesome people I know, and that's why Rob and I used his name for Dominic's middle name. If Dom turns out half as great at Boss, the world will be a better place and I will know we did something right.

Once a month

My parents give me such a special gift every month. They give me a night out. Dom gets to spend the night with them and Rob and I venture out into adult world and have some fun. It is such a wonderful luxury that we have. I’m so thankful to have that time to recharge my batteries and cut loose a bit. And Dom LOVES staying over there. First thing he did on Saturday morning was grab his suitcase and start filling it with his books and toys. “Yia Yia! Bapou! Boss!”

I had so much fun on our night out. We met up with Lanie and Jeff, Tina and Jorge and Boss and Megs at Westside for some dinner and beers. Taryn showed up too (thanks Boss!) and joined in on the fun now that she’s 21. After about 6 pitchers of beer and lots of yummy grub we headed back to Lanie’s condo (we had designated drivers, of course) and continued the fun there.

It’s so important to get a break every once in a while. Time to hang out with friends, and especially Rob. I’m so thankful that my parents allow me to do that.

Yes

Yes, Dom has matching sunglasses like mine. Yes, he’s the cutest little kid your eyes have ever seen. Yes, he continues to get funnier, smarter, good looking as the gets older. Yes, I’m all kinds of proud of my boy.

New Foods

Dom loves to eat fruits and veggies, but when it comes to his main course, he’s become somewhat picky. Ok, maybe not picky, but he wants the same thing every time, Either mac n cheese or turkey dogs. I can totally understand why. I’m the same way. To this day, I still order the same thing at whatever restaurant I go to. Red Robin? Teriyaki Chicken Sandwich. Rubys? Cheeseburger with low fat American and grilled onions. Mimi’s Café? Asian Chicken Salad. You get the idea.

I decided it was time to try and introduce Dom to some new foods that he could mack on at dinner time. I’ve tried in the past with spaghetti o’s and it didn’t go so well. Next up was meatloaf. He put it in his mouth and spit it out. Hmm. Ok. This was going to be harder than I thought.

While I was working out with Lanie on Wednesday night, I get a text from Rob. It was a photo of Dom eating a plate of his Dad’s spaghetti. Wow! Finally, something other than turkey dogs and mac n cheese. I was doubly surprised because I had fed him dinner before I left. Seems like we may have another one to add to the list!

I think I will give cheese quesadillas a try next. Or maybe I should have Rob give it to him since that worked last time:)

Rules

Seems simple enough, right?

Say Cheese

Every photo I have taken of Dom has been a natural shot to some extent. Sometimes I do something funny to make him laugh but most of the time, I just catch him at the right time. This photo was taken on the way to daycare this morning and for the first time ever, I told Dom to say “cheese!” And when I did, he made this face. Can’t you just hear him saying “cheeeth!”

I love that little face!

Family Fitness Fun

Weekends are the time we get to spend time together as a family, so it’s something I always look forward to. This past week was a busy one.

On Saturday, Rob signed us up with memberships at LA Fitness. I’m not really a big fan of the gym, but the thought of going together sounded like fun so I figured I’d give it a shot. Somehow Rob convinced me to take a spin class and it was brutal. We lasted 25 mins of the 1 hour class, but I was proud of us for giving it a shot. Honestly, I could have stayed longer if the damn seat wasn’t so uncomfortable. My lady parts were not happy with me, seriously so uncomfortable!

During our class, Dom hung out in the kids daycare at the gym. He was very upset about going, and cried when I left, but I knew once he calmed down he’d have a great time. Sure enough, when we went to go get him, he was playing with blocks and dinosaurs.

Sunday afternoon we decided to go for a bike ride. Dom saddled up on Robs bike and I jumped onto my trusty beach cruiser and off we went. We cruised down the lake and Rob found this awesome park hidden behind the trees. They had 4 jungle gyms and a huge pirate ship. Dom had so much fun climbing around and going down the slide. That kid had no fear. He’s get to the top of the slide, throw his legs out and whoosh back down. He loved it! We rode our bikes back to the house just as the sun was going down. Total it was about 3 miles but felt like nothing because we had so much fun!

Valetines Day Surprise

I didn’t really expect anything for Valentine’s Day. Rob isn’t a “flowers” kind of guy, and as much as I love him, surprises and romance are not his strong suit. So you can imagine my surprise when I was sitting at my desk this morning and he walked in holding roses and a Jamba juice! I had told him last week that Jamba was having a limited addition item called a “sweetheart smoothie” and that it sounded so good. Well, not only did he hear me, but he remembered that I was dying to try it. Big bonus points for Rob!

Needless to say, he made my day. It’s amazing what a small gesture can do to brighten someone’s mood. It was really special to me that he took the time to come surprise me at work. And the best part? We agreed to do Valentine’s Day on Friday night, so this was totally unexpected. What a good man I have!

As if that wasn’t awesome enough, my day ended with picking Dom up from daycare and getting my first ever handmade gift from him. Its a little foam postcard that he put some heart stickers on and it says “love, Dom.” Ugh, I wanted to cry right there. This is what it’s all about. I can’t wait to be “that Mom” that saves every macaroni necklace and hand turkey that he makes.

Valentine’s Day 2011 was a big success, thanks to the two loves of my life, Rob and Dom xo

Chatterbox

Sometimes I look at Dom, and want to cry. Not in a bad way. No, no, more in an “oh my gosh, how did I get so lucky?” kind of way. He’s just such an awesome kid. Look how cool he is. I mean really. It’s really not fair to all the other kids. How could they possibly compete with Dom’s coolness? He has such a rad personality, and I love that about him.

He’s talking more and more lately. He’ll tell me he wants to go “owside” (outside.) He likes to play on his little jungle gym, going down the slide and climbing all over the place. He tells me that his cup is “coow” (cold) if I just took it out of the fridge. When I ask him what he wants for “brefas” (breakfast) he sometimes wants “sreal” (cereal.) He lifts up his shirt and points to his “beybut” (bellybutton) whenever he sees a pretty girl who’s attention he wants. He happlily exclaims “daunce” (dance) when he hears music and then busts his moves..which are pretty sweet. He’s got kind of an O.G. Snoop Dog thing going on. He pick up Sophie’s leash and want to take her out for a “waal” (walk.) When we go, and Sophie goes potty, Dom reinforces her by saying “goo grrl!” (good girl!) He’ll say plis (please) and “tad da” (thank you) when prompted. And he gets so super excited when he sees something he likes. To see him understanding and repeating words is so amazing and rewarding.

But I have to be honest. My favorite word in the whole world that he says is “Mama.” He’ll say it nice and loud and then we play a little game. “Mama!” and then I say “Baby!” “Mama!” and I say back “Baby!” and then he giggles. There is just no way to explain how it feels to hear my baby say my name. Ever since he was born, I would tell him “say hi Mama” and now it’s here, it’s amazing. It fills my heart up every single time and makes me feel like superwoman.

My precious son, you make me the happiest Mama in the whole world.

A bicycle built for two

I love this photo of my boys! We went to Wal Mart today and Rob got this really cool bike seat for Dom that attaches to the front of the bike instead of the back. It makes me feel a lot better knowing he’s where we can see him, not trailing off in the back somewhere.

Dom wasn’t totally sure about getting on in the beginning. He fought us getting him strapped in, but once Rob pushed down on the pedals, he loved it. They went up and down the street and Dom’s face was just priceless. I can’t wait to go on a family bike ride!

I never met a french fry I didn't like

Having a weight problem sucks. Having a weight problem your whole life sucks even more. I feel like I have been on some kind of diet on and off for the past 20 years. And I have to say, I’m just tired. I’m tired of counting everything I put in my mouth. I’m tired of wondering how many points something is. I’m over not being able to just eat what I want. I know, wha wha wha, right? It’s totally my fault that I have a weight problem. Years of eating the wrong foods and a soft spot for anything unhealthy have put me in a constant state of being on a diet. It’s exhausting.

I know what you’re thinking. Why not just lose the weight once and for all and be done with it. Ha, funny you should mention that. I lost most of my weight in 2008 and felt truly happy with my body for the first time ever. And then I got pregnant. I only gained 26 lbs during my pregnancy and after having Dom, I lost some of it pretty quickly. But the way the weight that was left distributed on me was completely different then before when I was just overweight because I ate the wrong things. Now I have a tummy that just won’t go away, even after losing 20lbs. (Ok, 16lbs. It was 20 but then I got off track, like I always do.) I only weigh 5lbs more than when I was at my happiest but my body looks nothing like it did. Pretty depressing but Dom, you were TOTALLY worth it!

It’s totally my bad. If I could just stick to some kind of physical activity, the rest would come naturally. Hmm...maybe not naturally, but a lot easier. What got me there last time was going to jazzercise with Lanie 3 times a week. I can’t do that now because the time is right smack in the middle of Dom’s dinner/bath/bedtime. I miss it. A lot. It’s the only thing that has ever worked for me.

Ok, enough of the sob story. I just need to re- focus. I need to set some goals for myself. I need to shake things up and get excited about it. I’d really, really, really like to lose another 20lbs. It sounds so simple, right? 20lbs. What’s that? That’s nothing. But it is so hard for me. Damn, why do I have to love bad food so much?

Fight for love

When you find yourself in love, I mean really in love, you would do anything for that person and to be with that person. You would go to the ends of the earth to make it work and the thought of not sharing your life with them is unimaginable.

When you first fall in love, you look forward to spending all your time with that person, no matter how mundane the task. Going to the grocery store, running errands, watching paint dry. They have the ability to make you feel like the most important person in their life. They can pick you up when you’re down. They can make it all better just by opening up their arms and pulling you close. You feel over the moon when they give you a compliment. You feel proud to hold their hand. You want to shout from the roof tops “this is my love!”

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Together, you feel like there is nothing you can’t get through, as long as you have each other. When you’re apart from them, you ache. When you’re together, you can’t get close enough. There is absolutely nothing you can’t share with each other. You never have to hold back your feelings for fear of seeming over the top, because they feel the exact same way. You share everything with this person. And they listen. Intently. You feel safer than ever before. You can’t stop smiling. Every song reminds you of them. You listen closely to the lyrics and feel your heart swell. You heart races when you’re about to see them. You pour over every email from them, again and again. Reading each word makes you fall more and more in love with them. When you’re together, you can’t take your eyes off each other.

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They always know the right thing to say. Total strangers come up to you and comment on how intense and electric your connection is. You want to make that person the happiest they have ever been. You know that you’ll always have each other’s back, no matter what. You talk about big plans for the future together. It just feels so right. You finally understand why everyone is always going on about this “love” thing. It’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever felt in your life. It’s a feeling you have never experienced before you and you hope it will always be like that.

Over time, things can change. Along with all these euphoric moments, the rush of new love gives way to real life. You find yourself in routines and ruts. there are also times that you feel hurt, sad, mad, misunderstood, unloved, under appreciated, and overwhelmed. The romantic emails stop. The gushing of feelings are now barely a trickle. It’s not that the love is no longer there. It is, you both know it. But there is lots of other things going on that take up your time and energy. Work, raising children, dealing with ex’s, pets, bills, budgets, expenses. It’s not all fun, all the time anymore. And even though you’re still happy and in love, you sometimes wish you could have a taste of what it was like in the beginning. To feel invincible in your love, even just for a second.

That being said, when you do have a moment to connect again, it feels pretty great. When you hold hands, lie in each other’s arms, find a note left by your loved one..it pretty much makes your whole day.

There are definite differences to the beginning stage of dating and then really being in a long term relationship. There are ups and downs and sometimes it’s just a straight road for a while. If you find yourself in a situation like this, feel lucky. It means that your love still holds up under real life pressures. Yes, there isn’t as much romance as the start, but through all the madness of day to day living, you’re doing it together.

If you can still look across the room at your partner and feel butterflies…you’ve still got it. If they can still make you laugh out loud, even (especially) if no one else thinks it’s funny…you’ve still got it. If after a long day, you favorite place to be in curled up in bed together, watching TV and chit chatting….you’ve still got it.

I feel lucky enough to say, we’ve still got it. I love my man so much that I would fight to keep loving him. Does he make me mad sometimes? Yes. Does he hurt my feelings sometimes? Yes. Do I get frustrated and upset at times? Yes. But at the end of the day, I value our love and cherish our commitment to each other. The fact that we gave up so much just to be together, the fight for a love that we believed in, all that we had to endure, it was worth it. And even though we’ve been through the ringer, made it through the fire and have found a happy life with our baby boy, I truly believe the best is yet to come.

I love my job

Being a Mom is a hard job. It’s right what they say, you never get a day off. You’re on the clock 24 hours a day, no sick days, no overtime. You could get called in at 2am, 4am, you just never know. Regardless, you will drop everything and be there. Oh, and did I mention there is no money to be made? No paycheck, no health benefits, no 401K. But you know what? This is my favorite job I’ve ever had. Even more than House of Blues, and that was a fun gig!

Every day I get to see my boy grow up, learn something new, amaze me. He makes me laugh, like really laugh, and that’s pretty cool for an 18 month old. He has a cheeky personality on him..not sure where he got that from (cough cough) but I love it. He’s so smart and curious about everything. I often look at him and can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be his Mom.