Sweet Life

I'm finding it tough to make time to update my blog. It's not that I'm not thinking of you, I am...I think of all the things I want to tell you, how BIG Domi is getting, what's new in my life. But before I know it the day is over and I'm crawling into bed. I hope you don't feel like I'm neglecting you because I'm not. I feel bad. I wish there was a way to transcribe my thoughts straight onto this blog. Maybe one day?

Right now I'm cooking dinner and uploading photos to my picasa website from my birthday. Oh man, I had SUCH an awesome time! It felt great to get out there with all my peeps and dance, drink, chat, be carefree. It was one of those rare nights where you don't really plan anything and it suddenly becomes epic.

The turn out was great, lots of peeps came to celebrate my big day and have some fun. I got to party it up with my best friend, Lanie....it had been forever...I believe the last time was her birthday last October. It was just what I needed though. She's one of those people that you ALWAYS have a good time with!!! For my birthday, Rob got me the most kick ass HD camera and I love it so much. The photos come out crystal clear and it weighs next to nothing! Lanie baked me my favorite cake, red velvet, and it said "happy birthday homeskillet" on it! I will post all the photos soon and will give you the link.


So now I'm 34 years old. How do I feel? I feel like I have grown up a bit. I feel young still, not yet cringing at my age. If you would have asked me at my last birthday where I would be in a year, I would never have guessed I'd be here. In a new relationship, with a 2 month old son. I'd never believe you if you told me certain people wouldn't be in my life anymore. I'd tell you that you were lying if you said that people I thought would be there through everything are no longer...that they jumped ship at the first rumble of change.

But, hey, life is what you make it. Everything in my world is different now, but not in a bad way. I'm deeply in love with a man that makes me happy, swoon, laugh, strive for more. I look at him from across the room and feel smitten. He's sexy and smart and funny. When we're out and about and he reaches for my hand, I feel proud to be his girl. Being in his arms is a place I can let go and exhale. He's got my back and I've got his. Hand in hand, us against the world. I see him with our son and and sometimes can't believe he's ours...we did that, we made this perfect little human being. He came from love and will always be surrounded by love.


I have a gorgeous little baby boy who I fall more and more in love with every day. He makes me feel things I never thought were possible. I see him changing right before my eyes and its amazing. He's already wanting to sit up and stand and does so with our help.

He loves to look around and all the new things in the world. Can you imagine seeing everything for the first time? He looks at me with his bright eyes and it seems he knows I'm his Momma. He fusses in his crib but as soon as I pick him up, he snuggles up on my chest, lets out a little sigh and drifts off to sleep. I hold him in my arms as he sleeps and just stare in amazement. I stroke his punk rock hair and kiss his tiny fingers that are wrapped around mine. I melt when he smiles back at me and think he's little cough is the most adorable thing on the planet. I want to burst with happiness when I see him and his Daddy together, chillin on the couch watching tv, or cuddling in bed in the morning. He knows that's his Daddy and he's so in love with him. It feels like he already hangs on his every word and wants nothing more than to make him proud.

I have the most incredible family. We are all closer than close, we all love to hang out together, we all love and respect each other. To have parents and siblings like mine is something I wish everyone could experience because it's the greatest feeling in the world.

They have always been there for me, through all the different fun and exciting times I have put them through. I've always done my own thing, whats in my heart...never afraid to go against the grain and shake things up. That can be tough to deal with over time, but they have never let me down. They have always made me feel that they are proud of me and my path...they have never asked me to be someone I'm not and that is the greatest gift of all.

I have my homegirl Lanie, who has kept my head above water since we were in the 7th grade and she's still doing it today. Without her I'm not sure I would have made it to 34 in one piece.
She has never wavered on our friendship in 20 plus years, and I know I can always count on her to be there for me, to listen, to advise, to wipe away my tears and give me brand new hope for a new day.
I have no doubt in my mind that we will be friends until the end of time, because we have faced trials and tribulations, ups and downs, good times and bad. And through it all we have stuck by each other. I am a better person because of her.

She has been my saving grace more times than I can count. She always finds a way to put things in perspective and totally gets me like no one else does. We have bizarre conversations that to us seem totally normal but to others leave them scratching their heads. She is my sister, my homeslice, my best friend.

So at 34 years old, I can safely say that life is good. Who knows what tomorrow will bring...hopefully more good stuff. Here's to another year!

Who's that Cub?

It's been some time since I last wrote, and I'm sorry about that. Time seems to escape me these days. By the time I have Domi down for a nap I need to clean his bottles, do some laundry, empty the dishwasher, and then he's up again. I'm working a couple days a week too, and he comes along with me. I wish money grew on trees....it would be pretty awesome to be a full time stay at home Mom. But I know a million Mom's have that same wish. I'm lucky I am able to have the flexible schedule that I have.

Dominic is 7 weeks old today! I can hardly believe it! He has changed in so many ways. Not only is he bigger, taller, chubbier...he's also awake longer during the day, bright eyed and looking around, focusing on objects, cooing, making lots of little noises. He smiled his first non gas smile the other day. Rob was talking to him and he broke out into a big grin...it was the raddest thing I have ever seen:) He's becoming more and more interactive and it's just more and more fun. I have a better understanding of what he needs now. When he cries, I can usually figure out if it's because he has a dirty diaper, he's hungry or he just wants to snuggle. 7 weeks doesn't seem very long, but I have learned so much. I fall in love a little more every day when I see little Cubby's face...he just keeps getting cuter and cuter.

Rob and I have had a couple nights away from the baby, which I am so thankful for. They have been huge in helping me get back to feeling normal and not so overwhelmed. Just one night where I'm able to cut loose a little bit is awesome. Spending that time with Rob as his girl, having a couple of drinks, getting out and hanging with other adults lol. I have to admit, when we left Domi with the babysitter last week for our big birthday dinner, I spent a lot of time talking about him, showing off photos. I'm one of those Moms. I never thought I would be, but I am:)


I've noticed that I do a lot of things with one hand....I usually have Domi in the other hand so it's been a skill I have acquired that I think all Mom's have. He's getting heavier now, and I don't think I'll be able to do the one handed thing too much longer, but I'm enjoying it while I can.

We're just days away from hopefully getting a new car. I have picked one out, and now we just have to go buy it. Next week is the target time, so fingers crossed.

I'm doing much better emotionally. I'm not perfect, but I feel a little more sane, not so up and down, crying at the drop of a hat. There is still some adjustments and improvements to be made, but I'm a work in progress at this point. I'm trying my best and that's all I can do.

I think overall, we're doing really well. Rob and I love our Cubby so much and we are loving every day with him. He's such a good baby and so smart already. He's already starting to hold his head up and when he does "tummy time" with Rob, he pushes his little legs and crawls all the way up, all by himself! He has his two month check up in a couple weeks and it will be interesting to see how much he weighs. He's a little chubby cubby these days and he's filling out nicely.

Life is good, and I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Sleep relief

It's funny how you can go your whole like without something, and then you have it, even for a little bit, and you don't know how you lived without it. Cubby is growing bigger every day and continues to amaze me. He is much more alert now, and stays awake for longer between feedings. He loves to sit on Robs lap and look at the bookcase behind the couch. He's eating up a storm and has a really chubby little face now. His personality is starting to come out and its just the cutest thing.

He's doing much better with his sleep schedule. As i mentioned before, he was having a tough time sleeping more than 45 mins or so at a time. We put him in his bassinet in our room, but he just wasn't into it. We moved his swing into the room, and the worked for a little while but soon he was back to waking up after just a little bit. After doing some research online and getting some tips on helping him sleep for longer, we decided to move him into his own room so that he could sleep in his crib. It was a tough pill to swallow for me because I was nervous about him being so far away. Yea, ok, so his room is down the hall from ours, but if I can't just open my eyes and look at him, it's far away. But I really felt that this might help him sleep better, and also it would be better for us. I would jump up every time he fussed because I didn't want him to wake Rob up. He has to get up in the morning and go to work, and I wanted him to be able to get the shut eye he needed. My theory was that if he was in his own bed, in his room, then he could fuss a little bit before I picked him up. Cub is a noisy sleeper. He grunts and groans and kicks and makes little noises. Sometimes he'll do this but then get himself back to sleep. If I didn't rush to pick him up, then maybe he would sleep better. Well, so far so good. When he goes to bed, I keep him in his room. When he wakes up to eat or get a diaper change, I stay in his room and do it, the lights off with just the hallway light shining in a little bit. I don't talk to him or coo (which is super hard because he's so cute!) I feed him, rock him for a little bit and then lay him back in his crib, even if he's still awake. I want him to learn to get himself to sleep. As I said, this is all so hard because I want so badly to hold him in my arms until he falls asleep and just hold him like that all night, but I know I wouldn't be doing myself any favors in the long run. So we are trying to stick to this routine, and so far so good. I have the intercom on so I hear when he needs me. But I have stuck to my guns and kept him in his room. He's been a good little cub and is working with me on this. He usually will sleep for about three hours, then wake up, then a couple runs of two hours each. This is much better then up every 45 mins. Sometimes it does take him a while to settle down and not fuss, and sometimes I have to go back in there and soothe him but there is definite progress.

I'm doing better about not feeling so overwhelmed. My Mom and Dad babysat Dominic on Saturday night and it gave Rob and I a chance to get out and spend some much needed time together. I had missed it so much and felt great to reconnect and let loose a little bit. I had been a little nervous to have a drink because I wasn't sure how my body react and how it would go down, but it seems my party muscles won't take too long to bounce back:) I really think having that kind of time together once a month will really help me with this new transition and we're so lucky to have family that is willing to do that for us.

Things are going well, and Rob and I have sort of found our footing. I get up with Dom at night and then Rob usually takes him around 4 or 5am, until he has to go to work. This gives me some much needed sleep and I feel so much better when I wake up. I feel very fortunate to have someone that is willing to help out and not only that but also enjoys it. We're both really enjoying the Cubster and watching him change and grow right before my eyes. I can't believe how much he has changed in just a month, but can't wait to see what's next!

Milestone

My little boo boo is one month old today! I can't believe its been 4 weeks since he was born. On the one hand, it feels like it was just yesterday but on on the other, it feels like it has been months and months. It was so scary and difficult at the beginning. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Not that I really know now, but I can say it's more comfortable. And predictable. I know that he's going to sleep fine during the day and not want to get any shut eye at night. I know I'm going to be exhausted in the morning because he's been fussy all night and that I should probably sleep when he does, but won't. I know he's going to chug down his formula like someone is trying to take it away from him. I know that he can eat three ounces during the day and four at night. I know that he doesn't like wind or a breeze on him. I know he loves to snuggle. I know he has a sensitive little tummy and has a tough time with passing his formula. I know that he will spit up his bottle at least once a day. I know that he's a good boy and will come with me to run errands, or with Rob and I around town, or out to dinner. It's not so scary as it was the first couple of weeks. My Mom said we would find our own routine, and she was right. And now here we are....a month later and my baby boy is getting bigger and I love him more and more with each day that passes.

low

3 weeks and we're all still alive!

Being a parent is the most difficult thing I have ever done. It's a beautiful and wonderful experience, but in the beginning, it can also make you feel like you're falling apart. It's really hard for people that are non parents to understand the emotional difficulty one goes through at the start. No matter how prepared you think you are, you are not even close. It can get into my head and over take my emotions at times. This is commonly referred to as the "baby blues." I hate it and I wish it would hurry up and pass. But it's here now and I have to learn to deal with it.
It's quite a roller coaster with the hormones doing their thing, and I'm sure it can be confusing or frustrating for someone that doesn't get it. For the most part, I'm fine. But I do have those moments where I suddenly feel overwhelmed and in a way, mourn my old life, when it was just Rob and I. I miss us partying it up on the weekends, going to concerts, being carefree and totally selfish in a way. That sounds bad, but I don't mean it to. I love my new life, it just takes a little getting used to. I've found that spending quality time with Rob and the baby, as a family, helps. Getting out the house together and running errands, or even just some quiet time with Rob at home. I think what's comforting about it is having the feeling of "yes, things are different now, but it's ok. We're ok."

It's a struggle at times, that life is so different and I'm trying to transition into this new one. I know that it will get easier and it's not an ongoing feeling by any means. Being a Mom is a lonely job at first, and that's not something people really ever tell you. Your home alone a lot, just you and the baby. Don't get me wrong, I treasure those moments that I get to spend with my little precious boy and am thankful that for right now, I'm able to. I guess it's somewhat of an identity crisis. I want to remind myself and be reminded that I'm not just a Mom now, but I'm still Gina, and I'm still Rob's girl and we can still have our time too. With so many changes I think I'm just desperate to feel some comfort of what has been a constant. That we love each other. That we have fun together. Luckily, there are lots of things that can help. It's amazing what a little extra love and attention can do. I'm thankful I have a partner that can make me feel better just by putting his arms around me. It's an instant pick me up and works every time.

As the days pass, I'm getting more comfortable with being a Mom and trying to get into some kind of schedule. it's not so terrifying to put him in his car seat and drive with him in the car. I've got the whole diaper changes, feedings and bottle washing thing down pat. That part is a never ending cycle, but it comes with the territory. One thing that is unbelievable is the sleep deprivation and it's taking a little longer to get used to. Dominic hasn't ever slept well at night, even though he sleeps just fine during the day. That's how he was when he was in my belly. Mostly quiet during the day but once evening came he was all kicks and somersaults. I don't think he likes his bassinet, or more specifically, laying down flat. He has been sleeping at night for about 30-45 mins at a time and it was taking its toll on me. If Rob wasn't so awesome I'm sure I would have lost it. He'll take over when I need it and stay up with him at 3am or so until he has to go to work. A couple of nights ago we tried letting Cub sleep in his swing, and lo and behold, he slept for 2 hours at a time. Woo Hoo!

Rob is such a great Dad, just like I knew he would be. He's totally hands on and I couldn't do this without him. We're so lucky to have an awesome kid like Dominic. He's such a good boy. We take him with us when we run errands, car shop, go out to eat, Home Depot runs. He's gone to the office with me a bunch of times and is a trooper. Even though the lack of sleep is still something I'm trying to adjust to, whenever I look at his sweet little face, it makes it all worth it. He's growing right in front of my eyes. He'll be three weeks tomorrow and already he's changing. I love everything about him. His little hands and feet. His cute little stretches when he wakes up from a nap. His sweet little mouth when he makes his kissy faces. He is unbelievable and I still am kind of in shock that he's ours!

Checking in

We have officially made it past the one week mark and I'm please to report that we are all still alive and in good health. It's been a rough 10 days, but I feel like it might just be getting a little easier. Dominic seems to be eating more which in turn means sleeping more. He's doing 2-3 hour sleeping runs instead of 1 hour runs, so that lets me get more shut eye. He's gone from eating 1-2 fl oz per feeding to eating 3-4 fl oz! And he gulps is down like someone is trying to take it away from him. His birth weight was 6lbs 5 oz and then dropped to 5lbs 4 oz (which is normal as birth weight includes a lot of fluid) but I'm happy to report that he's now weighing in at 7lbs 4 oz! He has his first doctors appointment last week and everything looks great. His pediatrician is the same one I went to as a kid, and Dimitri, Alexia and Marcus. Now my nephews go there and so does Cubby!

It's been a definite adjustment to having a little cub around the house, but I think we're getting there. He's such a good boy and adjusting well too. Rob has been an awesome hands on Dad and it's sometimes surreal to watch as he holds Dominic. His little mini me looks up at him with his bog beautiful eyes open wide. I can't believe we're here. HERE! It was quite the journey but we made it one piece. I'm so thankful for the blessings we have and am proud of us for sticking through it.

I'm still recovering from the whole "give birth" thing. I'm still sore and some days very sore. I've been told I will feel better sooner if I just stay off my feet and sleep when the baby sleeps and not try to do chores, but I'm having a tough time with that. I'm doing the laundry, dishes, cleaning when I can, when Dominic is sleeping.....I don't want Rob to have to do it after working hard all day. But I can start to feel that it's hindering my recovery so I may just have to bite the bullet and sit a few sessions out. I don't want to have a messy house, but let's be honest, when you have a newborn under your roof, the house suffers. I think part of it also is that people want to come by and visit us and I feel somewhat uncomfortable if my house is a mess. Why can't I just let that go? I'm going to try really hard to just that and focus on healing and feeling better.


I've experienced a bit of the baby blues here and there. The whole crying for no real apparent reason or feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed. It has been brief, but it has reared it's head a little bit. I'm sure it also has to do with lack of sleep and being a first time Mom. I find that I am craving affection and closeness, almost like reassurance that I'm not just a new Mom, but I'm still a woman, I'm still G. It's hard to describe really but I'm sure it will start to fade soon. And lets be honest, who can really feel blue when looking at Dominic? He's so little and beautiful and sweet and melts my heart every time without fail.

We're still shopping for a momma-mobile and I think we're close to zooming in on something. It's crazy how little there is to choose from right now. Every time we find something online that we like and we go down to the dealership to look at it, it's gone. The pickins are slim but we'll get there.

I'm wondering when I will feel back to normal, as much as possible with a new baby of course. I've been getting out a little bit with him...doctors office, my Dad's birthday, the office...but it's still something that isn't totally natural. I mean, it's only been a little over a week, so I guess I have time to fall into that but I'm just wondering when that happens. I am trying hard to not fall off the face of the earth with my family and friends, but having a new Cubby is very time consuming and exhausting so I think it will take time to learn how to balance it all. I hope they will understand that I'm not blowing them off or can't be bothered now that I have a baby. It's all about balance and I'll get there eventually.

Overall, life is great. I have a gorgeous, sexy boyfriend that makes me laugh and is an amazing partner in this whole experience. We have a beautiful baby boy that's healthy and growing right before our very eyes. We have loving and supportive friends and family around us. Yes, life is very different now, but different isn't so bad.

Dominic Marcus McCool

Well, the day finally came for Cubby to make his entrance into this world. Dominic Marcus McCool was born on July 3rd, 2009 at 8:59am. He weighed 6lbs 5 oz and measured in at 18.5 inches.


After the many months of waiting, all the ups and downs, the bed rest and scares we had along the way...he was so worth the wait. He's perfect in every way. His little fingers and toes, his full head of black hair, his sweet little mouth...it's all just incredible and beautiful and still hard to believe.

I went into labor at 1am on Friday, July 3rd and moved pretty quickly from 3 cm dilated to 6 cm. By the time we got to the hospital and I got my epidural (thank God for the drugs!) I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. Luckily there were no complications and everything went better then we could have ever hoped. We had two awesome nurses that showed me how to breathe and push (we had to bail on our Lamaze classes due to me being on bed rest) and their guidance coupled with Robs awesome coaching and encouragement made for a quick delivery.

Don't get me wrong, if it hadn't been for the epidural, I might have just died. The excruciating pain of the contracts caught me off guard. I was ready for painful, even really really painful..but nothing like how it actually went down. Wow. That was some gnarly shit.....wow. The epidural was painful too, and got worse when my water broke in the middle of it. But in the end, it was of course all worth it because our son is beautiful and precious and my pride and joy.

He spent a few days in the NICU due to jaundice, and even though it's a very common thing in newborns, it was still hard for me when I first saw him in the incubator. After a few tears, I stopped blaming myself and turned my attitude around, ready to cheer my son on. He conquered it like a champ and we got to bring him home yesterday. He's had more shots and blood tests then any newborn should have, and I cried for almost all of them, but the important part is that he's doing great now!

I'm still trying to get into some kind of routine with the feedings, which have been tough. Breastfeeding has always been our first choice but it has been much more difficult then I ever imagined. I have had practically every nurse help me and the lactation specialists coach and guide me but I'm still having a hard time with it. I've been supplementing with formula to make sure Dominic is getting all the food he needs, but it's still somewhat disappointing. I kind of feel like I'm letting him down, even though I know it's not my fault. It's exhausting and stressful to keep pushing it when there isn't the result you're hoping for, but I will keep trying my best and see where it goes.

There isn't a whole lot of sleep happening yet but I think that will come in time. He does ok during the day, sleeping for about 2 hours at a time then feeding and diaper change and back to sleeping. But at night time he's a little more fussy and doesn't sleep as much. I'm doing ok so far but definitely feel tired. I'm trying to sleep when he does as that's the number one piece of advice I've been given from people, but it's not always that simple. Once I get him to sleep, I have a small window to get a couple things done like empty the dishwasher or do a load of laundry. Once I do that, I crawl into bed and close my eyes. Once I fall asleep it's not long after that he's back up and ready to eat. All that being said, it's so worth it. To look at his sweet little face when he's in my arms, looking up at me....there is nothing like that feeling.

Rob has been amazing. He's such a natural with Cub and is a pro at diaper changing and rocking him to sleep. It goes without saying that son looks exactly like father and to see them together is something pretty amazing. Dominic knows it's his Daddy and is always very calm in his arms.

Just as I predicted, the hospital let us leave with him, just like that. It's crazy that we are now responsible for him and I have to admit, it's pretty overwhelming at times. I'm trying not to be an overly worried new Mom, but I admit I do check a hundred times to make sure he's breathing. But I think my fears will ease in time, as he gets bigger and isn't so fragile. In the mean time, I will do my best. I have had tons of experience with babies and kids and really didn't think I'd feel this unprepared. But it is SO different when it's your child. There are times that I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. But these are the lessons learned, all part of the journey. I just have to trust my instincts and ask for help when I need it.

Dominic is such a sweet little boy in every sense of the word. I can still hardly believe he's here and the waiting is over. I look over at him and just sort of stare. He's so cute and small and his little mouth makes the funniest faces. I love him so much and am so glad he's finally in our lives!

the big three nine

Soooo...here we are.....39 weeks......wow! I can't believe it. I went to the doc today and I'm almost 3 cm dilated! That's more then some women when they are in active labor and at the hospital! Basically, all I'm missing are the contractions. Basically, if I was having contractions, I'd be well on my way to bringing Cub into the world. But no contractions means no labor. I guess it's for the best as my Doc told me that Hoag is packed right now and they had to put some Mom's in an operating room to give birth instead of one of the nice and fancy birthing rooms with the gorgeous view. She said it could happen any minute or not....yea, so there's no real way to tell. Ugh. So the waiting game continues. But the good news is Cubby is doing great. His heartbeat is right where it needs to be and he's just happily taking his time. This is what happens when you tell my son he might come out too early.....

Still waiting

I find myself alternating between crazy excitement about finally meeting my baby and crazy panic about oh my God, I'm finally going to meet my baby and they're going to expect that I take him home and like, keep him alive and stuff. How is it that they let you just leave the hospital with a newborn? There's no test needed? No credentials required? It's harder to take a book out of the library then it is to take home a human life.

All joking aside, I'm super excited for Cub to get here. I guess he's going to be a July baby after all! We're in the home stretch now and the anticipation is killing me. I know that it's obviously going to completely change our lives, but I feel confident that Rob and I are going to know what to do. I think we were destined for this and the Big Guy upstairs won't steer us wrong. I think one of the things, maybe the only thing, I'm nervous about is the lack of sleep. Not that I sleep all that much right now. I'm still getting up every hour to pee so that translates into not much shut eye. I suppose I'm just nervous that I'm going to be running on empty and that I'll be cranky and it interfer with being a good Mom to Cub and a good girlfriend to Rob. I guess it will be all about adjusting and making the most of the situation at hand. It will take some getting used to, but that's just part of the journey.

I'm feeling pretty good still. There are definitley moments where my body hurts, the pains and aches are almost too much and I just want to have the baby and be done with it. One of the toughest things has been Restless Leg Syndrome. It kicks in when I'm trying to get to sleep and it keeps me up for hours and hours. It's not so much painful, but more annoying and uncomfortable. I lie awake for hours at a time, twitching and jerking my legs around wishing it would just go away. I'm hoping this will stop once the baby comes, because it would really suck to be stuck with it forever.

Even with RLS, heartburn, sches and pains...I'm still feeling pretty good and am just waiting it out. I'm hoping it will happen soon because with all the precautions I had to take to make sure I wouldn't go into early labor, it would be totally ironic for me to go past my due date. And I'm just not in the mood to be ironic. I can't wait to meet little Cubby and start the new chapter in our life.

Let's catch up

It's so weird when someone asks me now when I'm due and I say "next week!!!" Ahh! I can't believe I'm due next week. How did this happen? Where did the time go? This past month has dragged by so slowly, but I still can't believe that a). I haven't had the baby yet and b). I'm 11 days away from my due date! I'm so ready but at the same time, I' m not. I'm all over the place!

I've been feeling pretty good for the most part. Evenings are tougher, my body is much more sore and worn out. By 8pm it can be uncomfortable to even walk because it feels like my uterus is just going to fall out. I feel my body stretching and getting ready for the big day. Heartburn is a constant these days, and who doesn't love a little heartburn in their life? I went to the Dr. last Thursday and I had gained 3lbs in one week! Wow! In my defense though, the week before I had lost 2lbs. I'm at a total gain so far of 26 lbs and I'm happy Cub is getting plumper.

I'm so curious to know how much he weighs. Rob thinks we're going to have an 8 or 9 pounder! Whaaaa?!!!! I've spent all this time thinking my baby was going to weigh 4lbs, and now he's almost full term, what's his number going to be? 6lbs? 7? Could Rob be right? Could he be a big baby? I just want him to be healthy and happy and scream his ass off when he comes out. I think he'll have a ton of black hair and be kind of weird looking. Let's be honest people, newborns are very rarely cute. They have pointy heads and crusty eyes and are all red and wrinkly. Don't get me wrong, I'm know I will fall in love hard as soon as I see my son..that's pretty much a done deal. But I'm going to say what others are too afraid to say..newborns are kind of squishy looking...a little scary and weird looking. But the good news is they grow out of that stage pretty fast:)

We finally got a bassinet! Yay! We were originally going to go with one we loved from Target costing $150, but had a hard time tracking it down in stock. After thinking about it, it made more sense to buy a used one in very good condition because he'll only be in it for a few months. We found an awesome one that has five different height adjustments, it vibrates, it plays music, it has storage underneath for diapers and blankets etc and it even converts into a co-sleeper! It is in perfect condition and we picked it up for $80! Thank you Craigslist!!!

Cub's room is taking more shape. Rob hung the curtains this weekend and put together the diaper genie. The crib has finally been delivered to the office, so I'm excited to pick that up and see it put together. The thing I am looking forward to the most right now is putting all the bedding on (thanks Auntie Lexi!!!) and seeing it all done. We have some shelves to put and some artwork, and that will all be done once we figure out the best side of the room for the crib. The baby has so many clothes, it's insane! I don't think I will have to do any laundry for him for the first 3 months, even with 6 costume changes a day lol.

Romeo finally got his feeding tube out:) He spent another two night at the vet so they could "turbo feed" him, take the tube out and get him to eat on his own. I'm SO happy to have him home, but the only problem is, he's still not eating his dry food. We feed him some of the wet food through a syringe (into his mouth) every day but he's also supposed to be eating his dry food on his own. It's not happening so far and I wish he could just tell me why. I know he's hungry. He chowed down on some of our El Pollo Loco chicken, and he gobbled up some lunch meat, but won't touch the dry food. I'm hoping it's just because he's not into that particular brand (he's never been fussy before, but who knows) so I'm going to go buy his regular Iams brand today and hopefully he'll take a nibble. The scar when his tube was is so gnarly....it looks like there is a chunk of his neck missing....oy vey! But once his fur grows back in that area, it will look better.

With Cubs room making great headway our next big task is buying a new car, the Momma-mobile....otherwise known as "CubbyOne." My silver bullet (1999 Nissan Altima) has served me very well over the past nine years, but it's time to let her go and gets something more practical and safe for our precious cargo. I have a good idea of what I like, and now it's just about finding something that works within our budget but also appeals to my superficial side. Yes, I admit it...I want a hot looking ride. I know sports car convertible is out of the question now, but who says an SUV can't be sexy? I want to look at my car and think "prrrrr..!" I feel confident it's out there somewhere. We have been looking for a little while, and I have test driven some really great options. Tonight we continue our quest for the perfect ride for Cubby.

So yea, that's my update, lots of info and fun stuff. I'm going back to the Dr on Thursday so we'll see where we're at. Overall, feeling good and excited to go into labor. I have no idea what to expect but I'm not scared. I have Rob by my side and I know that with him, we can accomplish anything. I feel safe and strong and know that it's going to be a beautiful experience.

Flush, Plop, Noooo!

Who thought putting cabinets above the toilet was a good idea? I did the dumbest thing today. I went pee, flushed the toilet and then opened the cupboard that sits above it. I reached for my bottle of dry shampoo that I splurged on over a year ago (costs $19!) and decided to finally give it a try. As I went to grab it, it knocked over and whooosh..disappeared into the toilet and got flushed away! Noooooo!!!! Not only did I just totally waste an entire bottle of Oscar Blandi dry shampoo....I just clogged the toilet! Did I mention it's the ONLY toilet in our house? Did I also mention that I pee once every 15 minutes? Ugh! Rob came home from work and I had to tell him what happened. This wasn't an easy fix. Ugggh! We had to run some errands so I took that opportunity to pee at every stop we made. I went to meet Lanie for dinner (and made sure I peed a few times while I was there) and made my way home. Unfortunately, a toilet solution was still out of our grasp. Rob and I made a trip to home depot where he picked up some tools and I went pee, again. After some tinkering around, it seems he was able to get it to where we're able to flush the toilet again (yay! thanks babe!) but the bottle of dry shampoo is still in there...somewhere. The good news is, I can go pee again, the bad news is....well, we'll just keep our fingers crossed that there is only good news.

Pulling an all nighter

Last night was rough. It was by far the most uncomfortable night I have experienced since the beginning of my pregnancy. I was feeling so much heavy pressure "down there" that it felt like Cub was just going to fall out! I got some weird kink in my back and it was pinching every time I moved. And that pesky "restless leg syndrome" has come back full force. I tossed and turned but just couldn't get comfortable. I think this is the part of the pregnancy that moms-to-be feels like goes on for ever. I've got 17 days left officially, so hopefully it will go by quickly.

The nursery is coming along nicely. The crib we ordered is back ordered which is kind of a bummer, but it's not like he'll be sleeping in it for a a while. For now he'll be sleeping in our room in his bassinet, and I'm super excited because we're going to go buy it tomorrow. The curtains I ordered arrived finally. $36 dollars total for the pair including shipping, not bad! My Mom had the sheers hemmed and cleaned and they are hanging up now. It looks so nice! The hospital bag is packed and ready to go and Rob is putting the car seat into his truck as we speak..wow!

How crazy is this right now? Our little Cub is almost here. I know it sounds weird, but I still can't fathom the idea of it all. I've been carrying around this little baby for nine months, taking care of myself to take care of him, doing whatever it took to make sure he was ok. Protect the Cub...from the day we found out we were pregnant Rob told me that was my number one job. I have done it to the best of my ability, and now that part of the journey is almost over. Next comes the real fun. Holy shit, there's going to be a baby! I'm going to be a Mom....my most important job yet. I wonder what it will feel like, going into labor, having the baby, seeing him for the first time. What will he look like? Will he recognize our voices? Will he be a baby that cries a lot? Sleeps a lot? Drools a lot? So many questions, but none can be answered until he's ready to make his grand entrance. I can't wait:)

Just Sayin'

Taking a risk is a scary thing. It's much more comforting to play the safe bet, to not go out on a limb. But I guess that's why they call it a risk. You just don't know how it's going to work out, It could be good, it could be awful. But isn't life all about learning more about yourself? Taking those risks in hopes that you can improve your current situation and environment? I'm the first to admit, it's a blind gamble. But you just have to ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? Is it better to know and be disappointed or to always wonder your whole life? If you're even contemplating taking a risk, you must be feeling some kind of unhappiness or maybe just feeling like there's more. I think it's safe to say most will stay in their comfort zone of living a mediocre life because stepping outside the box is much too frightening. And there is nothing wrong with that, nothing at all. But for the few that take the chance on change, because they can't ignore the little voice in the back of their mind.....they should be applauded, not condemned. They should be celebrated, not whispered about behind their backs. Are people so afraid of change that they are willing to throw rocks at glass houses? Where's the love? Where's the support? Don't be a hater. Love thy neighbor and feel inspired, not threatened.

No one said it was easy

37 weeks bitches!

We made it! 37 weeks yesterday and now Cub is now officially full term! No preemie status for him! Dr. Diaz said that there is still a chance he could have to go into the NICU (neonatel intensive care unit) if he arrives before 40 weeks, but the chances are super slim and even if he did, it wouldn't be for very long. The point is, we have hit a major milestone. One that I wasn't totally sure we would get to but here we are!

Life has been much better since I have been off bed rest. I get to do laundry, clean my house, go to Target:) I'm still taking things slow because I want to keep Cubby in there as long as possible. To be honest, I don't really have a choice but to slow my roll....I'm so tired! The smallest thing wears me out and makes me feel exhausted. New and improved symptoms of being 37 weeks pregnant include getting even less sleep at night due to constant peeing and restless leg syndrome, feeling like the baby is just going to fall out, wanting to chop my feet off because they hurt so bad. I thought I'd actually get away with no swelling but I think it's starting to happen a little bit. My shoes are feeling a bit snug and my ring feels a little tight. It's much harder to get around now, the waddle is slowing me down. Also, he doesn't have a whole lot of room to move around in there anymore, so when he does, they are much more like sharp kicks and jabs then just happily floating around. He means serious business:) My legs and hips are so incredibly sore that I'm kind of taken aback! I had no idea but I guess it makes sense. My body is getting ready and needs to make the necessary room for Cubbers. The craziest new thing are Braxton Hicks. They are basically false labor but feels like the real thing. My stomach gets all tight and kind of spasms. It can be a little painful but mostly just uncomfortable. It's just another reminder that its so close to go time! But with all the new aches and pains comes the joy and happiness of knowing he's growing even bigger and stronger then ever before!

It suddenly occurred to me the other day that this baby is a few weeks away at the very most! What happened? I think I was just thinking that he would be born early and have to spend some time in the NICU so I would have plenty of time to get things ready for him then. But now here we are, expecting his arrival any day now. I need to get cracking on the stuff he will need. He got a lot of great stuff at his baby shower so we have a good start. Oh, the baby shower was awesome by the way. My Mom and two sisters did an amazing job!!! The decor and food was incredible and the attention to detail was exceptional! It was great to spend the afternoon with friends and family and get a little ga ga over the Cub. How lucky are we?!!!!

My short cerix can suck it!

Well, we did it. They said we couldn't do it, and we proved them wrong. Rob, Cubby and I are celebrating 36 weeks! Woo hoo! I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to be at this milestone. Cub is growing big and strong and we are officially out of the "danger" zone. It took a little over two months of bed rest and lots of help and support from friends and family, but we did it. One more week and he will be full term, and I will be 100% happy.

We went to the doctor yesterday for my 36 week check up and everything looks good. I'm 2cm dilated and Dr. Diaz felt little Cubby's head! He's in the right position, so that's a relief. As long as he stays that way, there will be no concern of having a breech delivery.

I can't believe we are at this point. It's been such a long and emotional journey and it's about to pay off. He could come any day now, but I'm hoping he waits as long as possible. My due date is 28 days away and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he just chills until then.

I'm officially off bed rest! Yay! That has been so amazing and wonderful, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. First thing I did yesterday was go to the office. The way I had left was totally unprepared. One day I left for the day and just didn't come back. It felt great to get in my car and drive, and thankfully, it all came right back to me. Yes, I was actually worried I would forget how to drive. I had fun surprising Tina and catching up a bit. I got some work done and had lunch before heading out. I get tired pretty quickly and really need to build my tolerance back up before the baby comes. If he's anything outside of the womb as he is inside, we're in for quite a ride.

My body is preparing for the big day. Most mornings I wake up and feel like I got hit by a truck. My hips and legs are so sore and I've been told that's because they are slowly widening. Scaaaary! My belly feels like it weighs a thousand pounds. I've gained a total of 26 lbs so far, which is kind of funny because right before I got pregnant, I lost 25 lbs. It took me a whole year (yea, it's always been a struggle for me) and over the course of nine months, I have gained it all back, mostly in the last three months. I can't wait to get back in shape, but am a little nervous about starting the whole diet and exercise train again. It was tough enough for me when it was just me. Now I will have a baby in my life which of course means much less time to concentrate on working out, writing down what I'm eating, making good meal choices etc. But I will just have to find a way to make it work because I have never felt as good as I did last summer.

Wow, I can't believe I'm about to become a Mom. Wow. I'm so excited to meet my son and love him unconditionally for the rest of my life. I'm excited to see his little face, hold him in my arms, look into his eyes, see a part of me and Rob....see what we created.....thats the most mind blowing part. Two people fell in love and together created this little life that is about to burst onto the scene. Our love story is unconventional to say the least, but it's real. It's pure. It's based on love, passion, honesty, true connection. Some people will never understand it, some people will never be ok with it. But we fought hard to get here. We beat the odds, went through hell and didn't let the haters stop us from being true to ourselves. I'm proud of us and of how far we have come in such a short time. And we did it sober too! Most people couldn't have gotten through it with a carton of cigarettes and an open bar. But we did. And THAT is quite an accomplishment!

My baby shower is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to hanging out with my family and some friends. Lexi has been working hard on everything and I appreciate it so much. She is so amazing and wonderful and I love her so much!

So now it's a day by day situation. Weekly check ups at the doctor instead of bi-weekly and just enjoying these last couple of weeks of feeling Cub kick all day and night long. Soon he will be here and I'll be able to tell him every day that he's my pride and joy.

A whole lot of random

Yesterday was our 35 week milestone. I can hardly believe it. Bed rest has been a bitch, but totally worth it for Cub to stay in his mud hut and continue to get big and strong. One more week and I'm officially unchained from the mattress and have a direct path to Target! I also CAN'T WAIT to get a mani/pedi. It's been two months and guuuuurl.....I need it. Bad. Another thing I'm super excited about is being able to clean and cook again. No, that wasn't a typo....you read that right. I have honestly missed it....no really! Once the baby comes, I may be singing a different tune, but as of right now, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Have I mentioned how huge my belly is these days? It's pretty incredible. When I run my hand over it, I can feel Cubby's tiny foot pushed up against the inside and then feel him trying to flip around in there. He doesn't have much room anymore, so it's more like a 15 point turn. Do you remember that scene in Austin Powers with the cart and really really narrow hallway? Yea, it's kind of like that. He is sitting so low, sometimes its uncomfortable to walk to the bathroom.

Ah the bathroom...I spend A LOT of time there. Here is your disclaimer to skip this paragraph if you are uncomfortable reading about pee behavior. (and for the record, if you skip this paragraph, you really need to get more in touch with bodily functions. It's just pee people.) I'm peeing in record numbers, it's insane. My Mom said I should get stock in toilet paper it's so much. I have already peed three and a half times since I started this blog entry. What's the half you ask? Well, I got up and made the trip into the bathroom, but it was a false alarm. It was just Cubby sitting on my bladder making me feel like I had to go. He's a real prankster. The weird thing about my pee schedule these days is I could just be sitting here and then all of a sudden, I have to pee so bad, like my bladder is about to burst! The urgency to pee is overwhelming and like I have never known before. Just one of the many gems of being almost nine months pregnant.

Tomorrow little Baby Cub's room is getting painted! I can't wait. I think it will really start feeling like his room after that. I mean, it does already, but this will just really bring it home. Now we just need to pick a crib and get it ordered!

Do you tweet? Do you go on twitter and tweet? I tried it out, for about three seconds. I just couldn't get into to. Between Facebook and this blog, my friends pretty much know what's going on in my life. Trying to twittter on top of that is too much, even for me. I'm not that interesting. I can hardly believe anyone even reads this blog because it's it can kind of be a snooze fest.

I'm usually not a slipper person. I'm much more of a "go bare foot around the house and flip flops when I go out" kind of girl. Slippers have never served me much purchase. I buy them, wear them a couple of times and then they live under my bed until one goes missing and the other serves no purpose. But I have to say, I really do love these slippers. They're so comfy and feel like I'm walking on pillows or clouds. Lexi got them for my while I was in the hospital and I have worn them pretty much every day since then. Thanks Lex!


Romey is doing better. He's gained weight and is starting to slowly show signs of getting his strength back. He started attempting to clean himself, which is difficult because he still has the plastic cone on his head. Check him out above, he's exhausted! Kind of creepy with his eyes open but that's only because he sensed I was there and gave me a look like "really Mom? I'm not really feeling so hot right now." I'm still feeding him through the tube and can usually get three to four syringes of food in him in the morning and then again at night, but yesterday was a tough day. I was only able to get two in the morning and one in the evening. Poor kitty is frustrated but he's being a trooper. Hopefully he'll continue to gain weight and will be able to get the tube out soon. The vet said once he starts eating by himself, they can remove it. Right now he just kind of looks at the food but doesn't really have interest in eating it.

This blog entry is kind of all over the place! I guess that's sort of how my mind is right now. I'm almost nine months pregnant and I'm kind of in shock about that. Nine months is the end of the road. That's how many months a pregnant woman carries a baby for. Not ten. Not eleven. Nine. And I'm close to nine months. The thing that blew my mind was looking at my iPhone app that tells me how much firther I have to go. It's always been a pretty high number....201 days to go, 114 days to go, 94 days to go. I looked at it today and it said 34 more days to go! OMG! And that's if I carry the baby to term. 34 days at the MOST! Nuts! I'm so so so ready, but I'm also a little anxious about the whole thing. I find myself getting slightly paranoid about certain things, which is usually so not me. Like last night, I hadn't felt Cub kick in the evening after dinner. He had been kicking all day but he was being very non active. I got worried and tried to wake him up by moving my belly around and shaking it a little bit. I eventually talked myself down, realizing that the poor baby is probably just sleeping.

Another example is the peeing I have been doing. I get worried that maybe it's the amniotic fluid and it's leaking. It happens, so it's not so off the wall. Sometimes a woman's water breaks like you see in the movies, but sometimes it's just kind of a slow leak. My thought process was, if I'm leaking the amniotic fluid, soon it will be all gone, and then Cub has none in there and that is bad news! But then I realize I'm over thinking it. I guess it's the anticipation of going into labor and not knowing what to expect. Being so close to the end, I know it could come at any time. How will I know? I'm sure there will be contractions and from what I've been told, there is no mistaking those. But I have also talked to people and read about others that didn't even realize they were in labor. I'm sure it will all happen naturally, but with everything we have been through, I just want to make sure Cub makes his entrance into this world the way he's supposed to.

Woah, I'm having total deja vu right now. WOAH! That was part of my deja vu! Weird...

A peek inside

Here is what little Cubby is looking like right about now at 34 weeks.

According to babycenter.com: "Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he's born — are filling her out, making him rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies."

I'm so relieved to have gotten this far and that Baby Cub is, for the most part, out of the danger zone. Now it's just a matter of time!

Getting closer

Today marks TWO MONTHS that I have been on bed rest. I never thought for one moment that I would have to be on it for this long.....but here I am. It hasn't been easy, but it has definitely been for the best. Cubby is still in his mud hut and he continues to grow big and strong. He is amazingly active and loves nothing more than to kick and do somersaults all day long, especially at night. I think we get another ultrasound at 36 weeks, if we make it that far. I'm really curious to know how big he his and how much he weighs. I feel confident about making it that far and the good news is that at 36 weeks I am officially off bed rest! Ye Haw! The first place I am going is Target, don't even get it twisted. I have missed it terribly and plan on spending some good quality time there.

I'm feeling pretty good for the most part. I'm tired a lot more, and my trips to the bathroom are at an all time high. Here's what whattoexpect.com has to say about that: Something else that'll remind you just how far along you are in your pregnancy: the frequent urination. Yep, it's first trimester deja vu all over again, but this time, instead of pregnancy hormones to blame, it's the position of your baby's head that's causing the need to pee. Now that your baby is (most likely) head down and (almost) engaged in preparation for childbirth, his or her head is pressing squarely on your bladder. The result? As before, you go, girl — to the bathroom, that is. And you go again and again. I have to say, its not the most comfortable feeling. Now that I'm close this far into my pregnancy, I constatly feel like....hmm.....how can I explain it? Ok, ok, imagine you REALLY have to pee, but instead of going to the bathroom, you hold it. You keep holding it until your tummy kind of hurts and your bladder feels like it's about to burst. That's pretty much what I feel like all day long. Even when I don't have to pee. Yea, it's good times, lemme tell you.

I got a little break from bed rest on Saturday because Rob and I had to go register for my baby shower. Mom hooked us up with a wheelchair and off we went. It was so great to get out of the house and do something together. I had no idea registering could be so overwhelming! There is a lot of stuff you need for your first kid, A LOT of stuff! I think we might need a bigger house! It would have been much more fun if I wasn't confined to the wheelchair, but Rob was awesome, pushing me around, scanning the merchandise and being a really good sport about the whole thing.

My belly is getting bigger and bigger..it almost seems like it grows overnight. I'm uncomfortable some of time, but nothing too bad. I can hardly believe I'm in my eighth month of pregnancy...wow! I'm so glad we made it this far, and the end is in sight. If Cub can stay in for a couple more weeks, we're golden! And I know it's kind of ridiculous at this point, but I can still hardly believe that at the end of this whole experience, there will be a baby! Crazy!!! We're almost ready. Hopefully this weekend the baby's room will get some more work done to it...perhaps some paint and little tiny baby clothes hung up.

Another big thing on the to-do list? Buy a Mommy-Mobile car for me. We both agree we're not putting our Cubster in the silver bullet (my current car-a 1999 Nissan Altima) because it has seen better days. I need something that drives like a dream but is a strong as a tank. We've got some ideas on what we like, so we'll see how that goes...I'm super excited!

Next stop? 35 weeks!!!

Romeo update

Poor Romeo. He is having a hard time keeping his food down with that tube in his neck. It runs directly into his stomach so that he can eat. He has special food that he has to eat plus two medications and they are injected into the tube with a syringe. The cat food has to be brought to a soupy consistency by adding water and it smells..well....not delicious. Here's how it works. First he gets a full syringe of water, then he's supposed to have 5-6 syringes of food followed by another one of water to wash it down. This has to be repeated a few times through out the day so he basically has one can of cat food a day. So far, since Saturday, he has only gotten one can of cat food down. The first night he threw most of it up..that night was mostly throwing the sheets in the washer, cleaning up the puke, figuring out what went wrong. The next day we cut back to only three syringes of food. He still threw it up and by this point was on to us. He knew it was coming and didn't want to sit still, which made getting the tip of the syringe into the top problematic.

By last night we had cut him down to just two syringes of water and one of food. It seemed to do the trick. He was able to keep it down. Today I was able to give two syringes of water and two of food in the morning and evening, so he's doing better. I just feel so bad for the little guy. He's clearly not comfortable with that plastic thing around his head and the tube in the neck.

Thank goodness Rob is an animal lover! He has had to clean up his share fair of kitty throw up this week and it's been some what exhausting for the both of us. I can't help but feel like this is just a taste of whats to come with Cubby. I am usually extremely squeamish and knew there was no way I was going to be able to feel Romeo through the tube. It was all too much...the tube, it going into his neck, the bandages around his neck, the sad look on his face. When I first saw him at the vet, I had to look away at first. But something just kind of took over and when he had a hard time with the feedings, I just kind of sucked it up and did it. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me, it was a big moment. It breaks my heart to have to feel my sweet kitty through a plastic tube and see him being sick, but it was mind over matter time and with Rob's couching, I was able to get it done. Now when its time to feed him, we have our routine. I get the food, water and syringe ready in the bathroom, lay down the towel, bring Romes in there and we just make it happen. There is still some squirming and resistance, but for the most part, he's doing good.

He's going back to the vet tomorrow to make sure he's gaining weight. The tube can't come out until he has gained a sufficient amount and with his slow progress, it's taking a little longer than we had hoped. But what's important is that he gets better and I hopefully he's on the road to recovery.