Being a parent is the most difficult thing I have ever done. It's a beautiful and wonderful experience, but in the beginning, it can also make you feel like you're falling apart. It's really hard for people that are non parents to understand the emotional difficulty one goes through at the start. No matter how prepared you think you are, you are not even close. It can get into my head and over take my emotions at times. This is commonly referred to as the "baby blues." I hate it and I wish it would hurry up and pass. But it's here now and I have to learn to deal with it. 
It's quite a roller coaster with the hormones doing their thing, and I'm sure it can be confusing or frustrating for someone that doesn't get it. For the most part, I'm fine. But I do have those moments where I suddenly feel overwhelmed and in a way, mourn my old life, when it was just Rob and I. I miss us partying it up on the weekends, going to concerts, being carefree and totally selfish in a way. That sounds bad, but I don't mean it to. I love my new life, it just takes a little getting used to. I've found that spending quality time with Rob and the baby, as a family, helps. Getting out the house together and running errands, or even just some quiet time with Rob at home. I think what's comforting about it is having the feeling of "yes, things are different now, but it's ok. We're ok."
It's a struggle at times, that life is so different and I'm trying to transition into this new one. I know that it will get easier and it's not an ongoing feeling by any means. Being a Mom is a lonely job at first, and that's not something people really ever tell you. Your home alone a lot, just you and the baby. Don't get me wrong, I treasure those moments that I get to spend with my little precious boy and am thankful that for right now, I'm able to. I guess it's somewhat of an identity crisis. I want to remind myself and be reminded that I'm not just a Mom now, but I'm still Gina, and I'm still Rob's girl and we can still have our time too. With so many changes I think I'm just desperate to feel some comfort of what has been a constant. That we love each other. That we have fun together. Luckily, there are lots of things that can help. It's amazing what a little extra love and attention can do. I'm thankful I have a partner that can make me feel better just by putting his arms around me. It's an instant pick me up and works every time.
As the days pass, I'm getting more comfortable with being a Mom and trying to get into some kind of schedule. it's not so terrifying to put him in his car seat and drive with him in the car. I've got the whole diaper changes, feedings and bottle washing thing down pat. That part is a never ending cycle, but it comes with the territory. One thing that is unbelievable is the sleep deprivation and it's taking a little longer to get used to. Dominic hasn't ever slept well at night, even though he sleeps just fine during the day. That's how he was when he was in my belly. Mostly quiet during the day but once evening came he was all kicks and somersaults. I don't think he likes his bassinet, or more specifically, laying down flat. He has been sleeping at night for about 30-45 mins at a time and it was taking its toll on me. If Rob wasn't so awesome I'm sure I would have lost it. He'll take over when I need it and stay up with him at 3am or so until he has to go to work. A couple of nights ago we tried letting Cub sleep in his swing, and lo and behold, he slept for 2 hours at a time. Woo Hoo!
Rob is such a great Dad, just like I knew he would be. He's totally hands on and I couldn't do this without him. We're so lucky to have an awesome kid like Dominic. He's such a good boy. We take him with us when we run errands, car shop, go out to eat, Home Depot runs. He's gone to the office with me a bunch of times and is a trooper. Even though the lack of sleep is still something I'm trying to adjust to, whenever I look at his sweet little face, it makes it all worth it. He's growing right in front of my eyes. He'll be three weeks tomorrow and already he's changing. I love everything about him. His little hands and feet. His cute little stretches when he wakes up from a nap. His sweet little mouth when he makes his kissy faces. He is unbelievable and I still am kind of in shock that he's ours!
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