Step to Reconnect

This weekend Rob and I are going to Phoenix to see a Cardinals game. I’m so excited and really hope that they will win. There is no better way to watch your team play than at home. The fans, the hoopla, it’s really fun.

Since we’ll be in Phoenix, I’m going to try and meet up with Moe and have lunch. I know that sounds like a very strange statement, but I realized that I need some kind of closure on our friendship. When I told her I was pregnant, obviously it was not a good reaction. There wasn’t a chance to explain anything or talk to her about it, so we went from being best friends to never talking again.

There was a brief moment during my pregnancy that I almost moved to Arizona. Rob had a good job and it just made sense. At that time, Moe and I spoke on the phone a few times and things actually seemed pretty good. She said she was looking forward to me moving out there and that it would be nice to hang out again. I felt hopefully that we could find a common ground and salvage even a little of what we used to have. In the end, Rob unfortunately got laid off and so he moved out here with me. Moe and I were never able to reconnect and even though things were ok between us, the void became larger.

After talking to Rob, I realized that I have a lot of unresolved feelings regarding our friendship. There was no closure in anyway. It just stopped, for obvious reasons. I don’t blame her one bit for feeling everything she did. Or still does. I have no idea how she feels now. So I decided to see if she wants to meet up for lunch while I’m in Phoenix so I can at least tell her I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt her and whatever else I can manage to say.

I’m terrified. Not because I’m scared of Moe. Quite the opposite actually. More because she was my best friend and I’m scared to see her and still feel that connection that we used to have. Scared because I know it won’t ever go anywhere. I want it to be totally awkward and uncomfortable when I see her. Because if it isn’t, it will be even harder to close the door on that friendship once and for all.