Working on my Fitness

I’m so excited because Rob got me a trainer! Woo hoo! We go to the gym twice a week and now I will have someone specifically kicking my ass into gear, and I’m super excited about it. We are actually sharing a trainer package that he got. I’ll use him twice a week and Rob will use him once a week. We have different goals, mine is to lose weight and Rob’s is to tone up. I’m excited because I think having my ass kicked will help me make better food choices. I’m also excited to see some weight loss. We have been going to the gym for a couple of months now and I have maintained my weight but not really lost anything. I have a feeling that has something to do with always being on the treadmill. I think my body needs to be shocked, so hopefully the trainer will do that.

I’m not looking for ultra-dramatic changes, I would be happy with being back to the size I was pre-baby. That’s only about 10lbs away. Once I reach that goal, I’d like to keep going and see how I do. But honestly, it’s not about the weight number or size that care about. I’m not striving to be a size 4 or anything silly like that. I have never been a 4. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin again. I’d say the ultimate “queen for a day” wish would be a size 8. But I’d be super happy with a size 12.

I’m a little nervous because I am an epic yo-yo-er. My weight goes up and down and has my whole life. I gain the weight, I lose it, I gain it back. But I really want to try and find a place that makes me happy but is still attainable in my daily life.

Tuesday is my first day with the trainer, I’ll keep you posted!

Nightmares

I hate when bad dreams can affect your whole day. I had some terrible dreams last night and it has put me in such a foul mood. One dream was that Dom was kidnapped from his crib. Yea. Really. I mean, could there be anything worse than that? I don’t know that I would survive something that awful. The second dream was that Rob left me for his ex-wife. Another doozy.

So you can understand why I have had a perma-scowl on my face all day. I know it’s not real life, but it really affected me. I looked up the kidnapping dream and it says “The main theme in abduction dreams is fear. The dreamer may be afraid of losing a very important part of himself or of losing his safest and most familiar surroundings. Also, the dreamer may be afraid of leaving his home, childhood, familiar support group, or long-standing ideas. These types of dreams may be most prevalent during times of psychological or physical transition and during stressful times of life when the future is somewhat uncertain. Consider the details of your dream and try to isolate or identify the fear that created the dream. Superstition based dream interpretation books say that dreaming about being kidnapped is really an omen and that you will receive unexpected news and be successful against your opposition.” Hmm, ok.

Dominic is my whole world. He’s the most important person to me in my whole life. Every day I thank God for such an amazing gift that has changed me in so many ways. There are no words to describe the love I have for my baby boy, it’s a love that you could never imagine until it happens to you. Maybe loving someone that much puts you in a place of fear, because without them, your life would be destroyed. Who knows. I really try not to read too much into dreams. I have always had a fear of home invasion, so it’s probably related to that. What I DO know is that if anyone even touched one hair on my baby’s head, I would kill them with my bare hands and not feel an ounce of guilt.

I used to have bad dreams from time to time, and had a dream catcher above my bed. They went away and this I never had them as much. Maybe I should get another dream catcher?

Make me over

If you could change things about your body with zero risks, would you? If so, what would you get done? Here’s my list: lipo, teeth and boobs. Oh, and hair. Iin that order.

1. Liposuction: tummy, thighs and upper arms
Yea, I know.. What a cop out, right? But hear me out. Having a baby does awful things to your body. Places that I used to be able to get fairly flat now refuse to de bloat. When weight is gained, it’s goes straight the pouch and holds on for dear life. It’s much bigger and wider than I’ve ever experienced, I guess because at one time it was Dom’s mud hut, so it had to get huge. My belly was stretched in a big way to give Cubbers a rad pad to kick back in before he made his entrance into this world. After he was done using it, it may have shrunk back, but the “stretch” is still there, just waiting for anything to set it off. I would love for it to be gone. I understand that of course even if I do that, I still have to diet and exercise to keep the weight off, and I think that’s fair. Just give me the body I want and I’ll promise to maintain it.

2. Teeth fixed
I have never liked my teeth. They are like little chicklets in my mouth. They look like baby teeth, all small and wonky. Except for my two front teeth, which are giant. I look kind of like a rabbit ha ha. Ok, maybe not that bad. I don’t have buck teeth or anything, but my two front teeth are longer than all my other teeth. And my bottom jaw sits back from my top one. And I think I t’s getting worse. I think I’m slowly developing a lisp because of it, Also, my teeth are set back, so when I smile, they look like they have been pushed to the back of my mouth. And lastly, they aren’t very white. Years of being a smoker has taken they’re toll. They aren’t yellow by any means, but they sure could use some brightening up.

Dimitri, Alexia and Marcus all have great smiles. So does my Mom. And Courtney. And Luciano. Perfectly straight, white teeth, front and center where they are supposed to be. I would LOVE to have veneers in the front. They are crazy expensive and I think you have to eat liquids only for about 3 weeks, but it would be worth it just to have a great smile.

3. Boob reduction
I have a lot of boob. It’s just who I am. They have been in my way for most of my life, and I back in junior high and high school, I wished they would leave me alone. There were many times I had to pass on dresses and tops because the girls just wouldn’t fit up top. Boys had a one track mind. It was a challenge to play sports and run during P.E.

I almost got a boob reduction in high school but the dr. told me there would be a risk that I wouldn’t be able to breast feed one day, and that was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. Ha! A lot of good that did me. Those damn things didn’t produce one singe drop anyway!

But over time, I have come to accept them and love them . My reason for wanting a reduction is that they are just a tad too big, especially if my tummy is reduced. Let’s bring it down a notch. A full “C” cup would be great. Oh, and while we’re at it, raise them up a bit, would ya?

4. Hair Re-Do
My hair and I have a love/hate relationship. I have brief moments in time where it does something amazing and I fall in love, but then it just stops being amazing and we break up.

Back in 2008 we had a great run and I thought maybe we’d live happily ever after. I got a great cut, added some bangs and some blonde highlights, and suddenly every blow out I gave myself was perfect. (Thank you Erica from Vogue Salon!) It took me much longer to do my hair, but I had the time. This was pre baby! I would blowdry it, then flat iron it to perfection. I couldn’t have a bad hair day if I tried. This went on for about 8 months and then it just decided to stop being awesome and hate me again.

Then we went through this fantastic phase where I hardly had to do anything to it and it would look fab. I’d wash it, spray in some sea spray and a little leave in conditioner, go to bed and BAM! In the morning I’d have perfect waves, perfect bangs, perfect everything. Curly hair never looked so good.

My current relationship with my hair is that we are on a break. I’m kind of giving it the silent treatment. It used to be so super dooper thick and but it’s hella thin these days. Never thought that would be an issue. I don’t know if it’s from years of coloring or post baby hair syndrome, but me no likey. I miss thick, lustrous hair. When I put it in a ponytail, it just looks sad. Thank goodness I’m kind of known for my bun, it’s an easy go to and doesn’t show how skinny my locks are. I would love to get some hair extensions to add fullness, not length. I want to have J Lo hair. Please?

If it was possible to make me taller, I’d want that too. I’m not going to be greedy, just get me up to 5’5 and I’d be over the moon!

It sounds like a lot and seems like I wouldn’t look like me at the end of it, but I think it would. It’s all pretty subtle stuff. I want to say that I would never do any of it because of the risks involved. But if I’m being honest, and since this is my blog and I don’t think anyone really reads it, why wouldn’t I be?..... I would do any/all of the above if I had the money. Ok, maybe that’s not totally true. It’s not just the money holding me back. The other thing that would make me think twice is what others would think. By others, I mean my family. And Rob. I wouldn’t want them to feel like I took the easy way out, or that I was messing with what “God gave me.” Although they’d probably get over it, especially when they saw how good I looked after all the bruising, bleeding and swelling stopped;)

Wrap it up, I’ll take it! Ok, time to start saving. I’m guessing probably about $50,000 worth of procedures. Now taking donations.

Diagnosis

I took Dom to the doctor today and he has an ear infection! Poor baby:( He’s on meds now so hopefully he’ll be back to feeling like his old self again soon.

Cubbers under the weather

Poor Cubbers wasn’t feeling well most of the weekend. His fever started on Friday night and although he wasn’t his usual cheery self, he still had an appetite. He put away a couple of bowls of mac n cheese at soup plantation, along with cucumbers, tomatoes, pickles, olives, raisins, cheese, baked potato and vanilla yogurt. That night he woke up a couple of times with a little cough but nothing major.

At 4:30am, he woke up crying and when I went into his room, he was sitting in his crib, clutching bunny looking very sad with tears rolling down his face. This instantly breaks my heart so I scooped him up and held him in my arms. Poor baby was burning up. I brought him into our bed and started getting his pajamas off while Rob took his temperature (99.6 degrees.) Our goal was to cool him down and help him feel more comfortable.

He took some infant ibuprofen to reduce the fever and got some water down to help with his dehydration. We laid in bed and I did my best to soothe him. He was wide awake and even though he wasn’t feeling well, he still had plenty of things to say. I told him that it was still night-night time and that we should go back to sleep. He responded by grabbing snuggles and saying “Mama! Dada’s bear!” “yes baby, that’s Dada’s bear, good job!” Then he cradled the bears head in his hand and shared his sippy cup with him. So cute.

Rob fell asleep and I was so relieved because it seemed his slight snoring was helping Dom fall asleep. They both got into a rhythm and finally I felt Dom give in and fall asleep. I realized I was almost falling off the bed (California King, mind you!) but there was no way I was going to scoot Dom over so I could have some more room. I managed to balance on the side of the mattress and closed my eyes, falling back asleep with my baby in my arms.

By morning, Dom’s fever had gone down but he was still not himself. We laid in bed chatting when all of a sudden he reminded me that it was Rob’s birthday! “Mammy, Dada’s bday!” We had been practicing “happy birthday to you” for several weeks, and now was our big moment. We sang to Rob and Dom did a great job of singing along too. He looked very proud of himself and of course clapped at the end.

His fever was up and down all day and he had zero appetite. Rob and I were thinking about cancelling going out that night, but Dom was SO EXCITED about going to Yia YIa and Bapou's house, we just crossed out fingers and hoped he would stay fever free.

Dom kept asking me ALL DAY about going to Yia Yia and Bapous house. Finally, after his nap I asked him if he wanted to help me pack his suitcase. Of course he said “YEA!” and proceeded to grab his Diego backpack and fill it with various books and toys. Then he grabbed his wheely suitcase and headed for the hallway. “Garage! Garage!” Ok, when did he learn that word? He was knocking on the door trying to turn the handle to get out. He wasn’t very happy when I him we still had another 2 hours before we were going over there.

Finally the time came and I dropped him off at my Mom and Dad’s. He was so happy to be there, and the great news is that his fever didn’t come back and he slept through the night. The bad news is that he threw up in the morning and still wasn’t feeling great.

We brought him home on Sunday and the whole day was a very emotionally exhausting one. His fever went up and down in waves and there were moments throughout the day where he was in a lot of pain. He’d be ok one minute, and then crying out the next. It was horrible to watch, especially when he was crying “Mama, nooooo!!!” while big fat tears rolled down his cheeks. It was the absolute worst feeling in the world, to see him in pain like that. It was breaking my heart that I couldn’t take the pain away and make him happy again. I tried to comfort him but he didn’t want anyone to touch him at that moment. Then it would be over and he’d be ok. It was a long and tiring day for all of us. Thankfully he slept through the night, waking up at 5:30am. Again, he didn’t want to eat breakfast.

This is day 3 of him not eating much. I think he’s had about one banana, some strawberries and grapes the entire time. Hopefully he feels better soon and can get a whole meal into his tummy.

Fact

It’s amazing what an eyebrow wax can do to lift a girl’s spirits.

Drop the A, add an EEEE

When Dominic was first born, I would always dream of the day he’d say his first word and hear him say “Mama.” Well, his first word was “Dada” and it was so awesome! I remember Rob and I sitting on the couch and when he said it, we whipped our heads around to look each other, “did you hear that?!” It’s like a miracle has just happened. This little blob of a baby communicated with you! AND they know you’re their parent!

Ok, so I didn’t get first-word props, but when it did finally happen, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. As Dom got older, every other word was “Mama” or “Maaaammmaaaaa!!!!” and no matter how many times he said it (which was about a million,) it still felt amazing every single time.

Over the past week, something has changed. He dropped the A and added a Y. Instead of him saying “Mama” he now says “Mommy!” I can hardly believe it! What happened to my baby boy? I don’t know why, but it just feels so grown up to me. To hear him calling for my attention by saying “Mommy! Mommy!” is so crazy. A tiny part of me is sad because I loved when he called me “Mama,” but the way he says “Mommy” is so fricken cute, I can’t help but smile. He has a slight accent, as he does with a lot of his words. Phonetically he says “moMEEE!” It’s so cute, really.

Sleep it off

I felt like crap yesterday. My back was on fire, my joints ached. It was almost impossible to make it through the work day. I picked up Dominic from day care at 4:30pm, gave him dinner and had some play time, made Rob’s dinner, gave Dom a bath, read him a couple of stories, put him to bed and then….i was dunzo. I took a quick shower and crawled into bed. I watched a little TV before passing out, bundled up in the covers. Did I mention it was about 8:00pm? I was so cold and it felt so good to be enveloped in the warm comforter, pulled all the way up to my eyes. I woke up at 9:30pm, sweating and realized I didn’t eat dinner. Rob asked if he could get me anything but I wasn’t done trying to get rid of the illness so I scooted back under the covers and resumed hibernation mode. It must have worked because I woke up this morning feeling so much better. Maybe it was my body’s way of forcing sleep on me. Whatever it was, I’m just glad it seems to be over.

Pillow and a blanket please

Why am I so tired today? I am sitting at my desk and am trying as hard as I can to not fall asleep. I can feel my eyes closing and my head doing the nodding off thing. I would give anything to lie down, close my eyes and take a nap. My back is killing me too….I hope I’m not getting sick. No time for that nonsense. If I could just go to sleep, everything would be ok….

Flip side

Relationships are hard. It takes a lot from both parties to make it not only work, but make it good. Sometimes it feels like you’re on top of the world and everything is going to be ok. But sometimes, it can be frustrating and you feel like nothing is going right.

Little Fishy

Dom had his first swim lesson today! He's taking classes at the YMCA right next to our house. It's a brand new facility and the outdoor pool is heated to 82 degrees. I got him suited up in his cool Quicksilver shorts (from Marcus and Megs!) and his rash guard shirt, sprayed on the sunblock and he was ready to go. He had so much in the water with Rob. He was splashing and kicking his feet, shrieking with the laughter the whole time. I've been practiscing in the bath tub with him and he was very comfortable with the pool. He walked right in, holding Daddy's hand of course. Lexi came by to watch, and that meant a lot to me. I don't ever make a big deal about these types of events to people because everyone is busy and has a lot going on. Lex saw my post on Face Book that his lesson was on Saturday and she wanted to come. Dom loved having her there and calling out to her from the pool. He can't wait until next Saturday to get back in the pool and splash around!

Word Mix Up

Dom woke up this morning at 5am so I brought him into bed with us, hoping he’d go back to sleep and I could get one more hour of sleep. We snuggled under the blankets and for a second there, I thought it was going to work. But then he was all wide eyed and bushy tailed. Ok, I guess we’re getting up early today. He was getting all loud saying “Mama! Baba!” which is him saying he wants to watch Yo Gabba Gabba. It was a rare morning that Rob hadn’t gotten up early and gone to work already so I was trying to keep things quiet to let him sleep longer. I told Dom that we had to whisper so that we didn’t wake Daddy. He looked at me said “shhtthhhh, Dada” with one finger covering his lips. I asked him if he could whisper and he said yes. Then I said “Show Mama how you whisper.” And he proceeded to try and whistle. Haa haa! I was dying laughing, he’s so cute!

Bunny Love

We are a family of 6. Daddy, Mommy, Dominic, Sophie, Cuddles and Bunny. Dom got Bunny (or Baba, which is what he called him) as a gift from one of my sisters friends, Kandice. We thought it was cute and put it on his shelf, not thinking too much about it. When we started trying to get Dom to sleep through the night, I gave him Bunny to comfort him. I had slept with it the night before so he had my sent on it, hoping that would help. After that, Dom always slept with him, tucked under his chin with one of the ears in his mouth. Come morning, Bunny would soon be forgotten about and we’d go about our day.

Over the past couple of months, I have noticed that Dom is really attached to him, more than ever. And he now calls him by his name, Bunny. When he sits on my lap as I read him a bedtime story, Bunny is right there too, one ear in his mouth. When it’s time to get up in the morning, Bunny stays firmly planted in Dom’s hand as I lift him out of his crib. Changing his diaper, brushing his teeth, getting dressed…Bunny is a part of it all. Even breakfast time. Dom runs down the hallway, clutching Bunny in his little hands and sits him on his lap when he’s in the high chair. He shares his sippy cup and sometimes his cereal with him. They read books together, watch Yo Gabba Gabba, sing in the car and the new thing is when Dom says “Mama!” and I turn around to look and Bunny is dancing along to the music. Dom giggles with excitement.

Needless to say, Bunny gets washed. A lot. A little dip in the washing machine paired with an air dry and he’s good as new. Now, the ears…well….I’m afraid those will never be the same again. They have been sucked and chewed on over a year and are permanently discolored. I have even tried scrubbing them with a toothbrush and soap, but no go.

What would happen if we lost bunny? I don’t even want to think about it. I have scoured the internet looking for a backup Bunny, but haven’t found one. I think it’s pretty cute to see him so drag him all over the house and always wanting him to be right there. I wonder how long Dom will be so attached to him? When the day comes that he doesn’t need Bunny anymore, I will wash him one last time, put him in an acrylic display box and hang him on Dominic’s bedroom wall. And one day, I will tell him about all the adventures he had with his first best friend.

A glimmer of hope!

Guess what?? I stepped on the scale this morning and my weight was DOWN! Yes, finally!!! Oh man, please don’t let the scale be broken, because I need this. I was so happy to see a lower number that I decided to celebrate with a cute outfit. I got this H&M top on eBay last year for $5.00 and it turned out to be a form fitting sweater instead of a loose, baggy one that I had anticipated. So it went into my closet and while pretty to look at, it has never been worn. Well, today was the day to say “yea I’m chubby, but I’m working on it so back off!” Do I have some rolls showing? Yes. Do I look a little on the wide side? Well, the stripes aren’t helping. But you know what? I feel pretty good in this outfit. I’m not hiding behind a baggy shirt. I’m putting it out there and I am trying to be proud of my body. It’s a work in progress and I’m doing my best to be ok with that.

It's Simple

Sometimes the easiest things are actually the hardest.

Shady

Dom has a little obsession with sunglasses. He loves all kinds and always rocks every single pair. He asks me “Mama, glass?” so I hand a pair over and he happily slips them on his head and grins from ear to ear. Man, my kid is so cool:)

Weight War

The scale has not been kind to me. It’s beyond frustrating when I’ve been watching what I eat, working out three times a week, and the only place my weight goes is up. And up. And up.

I stopped doing Weight Watchers about a month ago because I just needed a break. I was burnt out on counting points, food journaling and not being able to eat whatever I wanted. The day I started my “hiatus” I felt like I had just gotten out of prison. I could eat whatever I wanted and I wasn’t going to get weighed! Waahooo! Let’s go crazy! That box of Tim Tam cookies? Yes, I can eat them all if I want! Cookie and Cream ice-cream? Sure, why not?! McDonalds, Del Taco and In n Out? Let’s do it. That lasted about 2 two weeks before I knew I had to stop. I got it out of my system and enjoyed every second. But I couldn’t let all my hard work of losing weight go out the window. Plus, I was beginning to feel sluggish and my skin broke out. I felt a little out of control. I didn’t go back to weight watchers, but I decided to take it into my own hands. I have done WW enough that I know what to eat and what not to eat. Rob joined us up at a gym and we committed to going twice a week, which we do. I also take the jazzercise class with Lanie on Thursday nights. I’m not counting points, but I am eating cautiously and not going crazy every day.

For the past 3-4 weeks, it has crept up on the scale and I can’t understand why. I even took TWO pregnancy tests because I couldn’t understand how I was gaining so much weight so fast. I thought for sure I was “with child.” My stomach looks like I’m about 5 months along…but seeing as both tests came out negative and there is no baby, I just look bloated and fat. Ugh. This is a huge knock to my self-confidence. I was doing so well and now I feel like I screwed it all up. But I haven’t been eating out of control. Is it because I’m not doing Weight Watchers? No, because I’m eating the same way AND I’m working out, which means I should be losing weight, not gaining it. I don’t know why my stomach has expanded so much; I just know that I don’t like it. I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes right now. I just want to cover up and wear baggy shirts. This is extremely frustrating as I worked so hard to NOT feel that way. I lost 20lbs and was happy wearing anything in my closet. Now I look in there and just want to grab the same flannel shirt every day.

I will just keep moving forward and keep working out. Hopefully I will see some progress on the scale soon, before I become totally discouraged and say eff it.

Family Photo

How did I get this lucky?

2 Faces

Dom has two new faces and they both crack me up. The one above is his winky face. He does such a good wink, seriously. Most kids at this age would close both eyes but Dom has mastered the wink perfectly. He keeps one eye open, squints the other one and gives a litte smirk. It's so rad!

This is his cheese face. When I'm going to take his photo, he'll say "cheeeeeeshe" and ham it up for the camera. His little tongue tends to stick out because he has a lisp (which hello, so cute!) Check out the gusto! His little personality is just shining through and I love it!

Mommy Perks

I saw this on a website when I was pregnant with Dom and it made me so excited to have him in my arms (like i wasnt already!)

Now that my baby is almost two years old, I re read this and it still make me so excited to hold him in my arms.

Having a baby changes a mom's life, but the bundle of joy also alters the way she looks at the world and lives each day. Here are some of the purest perks that come with being a mother.

1. You see everything for the first time again through the child's eyes — even ants are amazing.

2. A single gummy smile can save even the biggest wreck of a day.

3. When the infant fusses, your mere presence calms him.

4. If you rest your child on your chest, your hearts beat in unison.

5. When he laughs, he shakes, drools, and almost keels over, but it's the most adorable thing you've ever seen. So you make him do it again and again.

6. You think about the future in bigger and brighter ways. You picture him heading off to kindergarten and graduating from high school.

7. You anticipate and even dream of little things like a cutting tooth, a single step, or a two syllable utterance: "mama."

8. You forget about things you used to care so much about, because they actually don't matter at all.

9. You finally understand what "a mother's instinct" means.

10. Your will to live intensifies because you don't want to miss a moment of your child's spectacular life.