Valetines Day Surprise

I didn’t really expect anything for Valentine’s Day. Rob isn’t a “flowers” kind of guy, and as much as I love him, surprises and romance are not his strong suit. So you can imagine my surprise when I was sitting at my desk this morning and he walked in holding roses and a Jamba juice! I had told him last week that Jamba was having a limited addition item called a “sweetheart smoothie” and that it sounded so good. Well, not only did he hear me, but he remembered that I was dying to try it. Big bonus points for Rob!

Needless to say, he made my day. It’s amazing what a small gesture can do to brighten someone’s mood. It was really special to me that he took the time to come surprise me at work. And the best part? We agreed to do Valentine’s Day on Friday night, so this was totally unexpected. What a good man I have!

As if that wasn’t awesome enough, my day ended with picking Dom up from daycare and getting my first ever handmade gift from him. Its a little foam postcard that he put some heart stickers on and it says “love, Dom.” Ugh, I wanted to cry right there. This is what it’s all about. I can’t wait to be “that Mom” that saves every macaroni necklace and hand turkey that he makes.

Valentine’s Day 2011 was a big success, thanks to the two loves of my life, Rob and Dom xo

Chatterbox

Sometimes I look at Dom, and want to cry. Not in a bad way. No, no, more in an “oh my gosh, how did I get so lucky?” kind of way. He’s just such an awesome kid. Look how cool he is. I mean really. It’s really not fair to all the other kids. How could they possibly compete with Dom’s coolness? He has such a rad personality, and I love that about him.

He’s talking more and more lately. He’ll tell me he wants to go “owside” (outside.) He likes to play on his little jungle gym, going down the slide and climbing all over the place. He tells me that his cup is “coow” (cold) if I just took it out of the fridge. When I ask him what he wants for “brefas” (breakfast) he sometimes wants “sreal” (cereal.) He lifts up his shirt and points to his “beybut” (bellybutton) whenever he sees a pretty girl who’s attention he wants. He happlily exclaims “daunce” (dance) when he hears music and then busts his moves..which are pretty sweet. He’s got kind of an O.G. Snoop Dog thing going on. He pick up Sophie’s leash and want to take her out for a “waal” (walk.) When we go, and Sophie goes potty, Dom reinforces her by saying “goo grrl!” (good girl!) He’ll say plis (please) and “tad da” (thank you) when prompted. And he gets so super excited when he sees something he likes. To see him understanding and repeating words is so amazing and rewarding.

But I have to be honest. My favorite word in the whole world that he says is “Mama.” He’ll say it nice and loud and then we play a little game. “Mama!” and then I say “Baby!” “Mama!” and I say back “Baby!” and then he giggles. There is just no way to explain how it feels to hear my baby say my name. Ever since he was born, I would tell him “say hi Mama” and now it’s here, it’s amazing. It fills my heart up every single time and makes me feel like superwoman.

My precious son, you make me the happiest Mama in the whole world.

A bicycle built for two

I love this photo of my boys! We went to Wal Mart today and Rob got this really cool bike seat for Dom that attaches to the front of the bike instead of the back. It makes me feel a lot better knowing he’s where we can see him, not trailing off in the back somewhere.

Dom wasn’t totally sure about getting on in the beginning. He fought us getting him strapped in, but once Rob pushed down on the pedals, he loved it. They went up and down the street and Dom’s face was just priceless. I can’t wait to go on a family bike ride!

I never met a french fry I didn't like

Having a weight problem sucks. Having a weight problem your whole life sucks even more. I feel like I have been on some kind of diet on and off for the past 20 years. And I have to say, I’m just tired. I’m tired of counting everything I put in my mouth. I’m tired of wondering how many points something is. I’m over not being able to just eat what I want. I know, wha wha wha, right? It’s totally my fault that I have a weight problem. Years of eating the wrong foods and a soft spot for anything unhealthy have put me in a constant state of being on a diet. It’s exhausting.

I know what you’re thinking. Why not just lose the weight once and for all and be done with it. Ha, funny you should mention that. I lost most of my weight in 2008 and felt truly happy with my body for the first time ever. And then I got pregnant. I only gained 26 lbs during my pregnancy and after having Dom, I lost some of it pretty quickly. But the way the weight that was left distributed on me was completely different then before when I was just overweight because I ate the wrong things. Now I have a tummy that just won’t go away, even after losing 20lbs. (Ok, 16lbs. It was 20 but then I got off track, like I always do.) I only weigh 5lbs more than when I was at my happiest but my body looks nothing like it did. Pretty depressing but Dom, you were TOTALLY worth it!

It’s totally my bad. If I could just stick to some kind of physical activity, the rest would come naturally. Hmm...maybe not naturally, but a lot easier. What got me there last time was going to jazzercise with Lanie 3 times a week. I can’t do that now because the time is right smack in the middle of Dom’s dinner/bath/bedtime. I miss it. A lot. It’s the only thing that has ever worked for me.

Ok, enough of the sob story. I just need to re- focus. I need to set some goals for myself. I need to shake things up and get excited about it. I’d really, really, really like to lose another 20lbs. It sounds so simple, right? 20lbs. What’s that? That’s nothing. But it is so hard for me. Damn, why do I have to love bad food so much?

Fight for love

When you find yourself in love, I mean really in love, you would do anything for that person and to be with that person. You would go to the ends of the earth to make it work and the thought of not sharing your life with them is unimaginable.

When you first fall in love, you look forward to spending all your time with that person, no matter how mundane the task. Going to the grocery store, running errands, watching paint dry. They have the ability to make you feel like the most important person in their life. They can pick you up when you’re down. They can make it all better just by opening up their arms and pulling you close. You feel over the moon when they give you a compliment. You feel proud to hold their hand. You want to shout from the roof tops “this is my love!”

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Together, you feel like there is nothing you can’t get through, as long as you have each other. When you’re apart from them, you ache. When you’re together, you can’t get close enough. There is absolutely nothing you can’t share with each other. You never have to hold back your feelings for fear of seeming over the top, because they feel the exact same way. You share everything with this person. And they listen. Intently. You feel safer than ever before. You can’t stop smiling. Every song reminds you of them. You listen closely to the lyrics and feel your heart swell. You heart races when you’re about to see them. You pour over every email from them, again and again. Reading each word makes you fall more and more in love with them. When you’re together, you can’t take your eyes off each other.

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They always know the right thing to say. Total strangers come up to you and comment on how intense and electric your connection is. You want to make that person the happiest they have ever been. You know that you’ll always have each other’s back, no matter what. You talk about big plans for the future together. It just feels so right. You finally understand why everyone is always going on about this “love” thing. It’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever felt in your life. It’s a feeling you have never experienced before you and you hope it will always be like that.

Over time, things can change. Along with all these euphoric moments, the rush of new love gives way to real life. You find yourself in routines and ruts. there are also times that you feel hurt, sad, mad, misunderstood, unloved, under appreciated, and overwhelmed. The romantic emails stop. The gushing of feelings are now barely a trickle. It’s not that the love is no longer there. It is, you both know it. But there is lots of other things going on that take up your time and energy. Work, raising children, dealing with ex’s, pets, bills, budgets, expenses. It’s not all fun, all the time anymore. And even though you’re still happy and in love, you sometimes wish you could have a taste of what it was like in the beginning. To feel invincible in your love, even just for a second.

That being said, when you do have a moment to connect again, it feels pretty great. When you hold hands, lie in each other’s arms, find a note left by your loved one..it pretty much makes your whole day.

There are definite differences to the beginning stage of dating and then really being in a long term relationship. There are ups and downs and sometimes it’s just a straight road for a while. If you find yourself in a situation like this, feel lucky. It means that your love still holds up under real life pressures. Yes, there isn’t as much romance as the start, but through all the madness of day to day living, you’re doing it together.

If you can still look across the room at your partner and feel butterflies…you’ve still got it. If they can still make you laugh out loud, even (especially) if no one else thinks it’s funny…you’ve still got it. If after a long day, you favorite place to be in curled up in bed together, watching TV and chit chatting….you’ve still got it.

I feel lucky enough to say, we’ve still got it. I love my man so much that I would fight to keep loving him. Does he make me mad sometimes? Yes. Does he hurt my feelings sometimes? Yes. Do I get frustrated and upset at times? Yes. But at the end of the day, I value our love and cherish our commitment to each other. The fact that we gave up so much just to be together, the fight for a love that we believed in, all that we had to endure, it was worth it. And even though we’ve been through the ringer, made it through the fire and have found a happy life with our baby boy, I truly believe the best is yet to come.

I love my job

Being a Mom is a hard job. It’s right what they say, you never get a day off. You’re on the clock 24 hours a day, no sick days, no overtime. You could get called in at 2am, 4am, you just never know. Regardless, you will drop everything and be there. Oh, and did I mention there is no money to be made? No paycheck, no health benefits, no 401K. But you know what? This is my favorite job I’ve ever had. Even more than House of Blues, and that was a fun gig!

Every day I get to see my boy grow up, learn something new, amaze me. He makes me laugh, like really laugh, and that’s pretty cool for an 18 month old. He has a cheeky personality on him..not sure where he got that from (cough cough) but I love it. He’s so smart and curious about everything. I often look at him and can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be his Mom.

Trust Me

When life is good, it seems like it might have always been that way. When life is joyous and goes in a direction that feels good, the dark days seem to fade away. That’s the beauty of being happy. Content.

Making change in your life can very often shake up those around you more than you yourself. When I told my family I was getting a divorce, they were flabbergasted. They all thought I was crazy and just being over dramatic. I think they really felt a sense of panic. For me. For them. I don’t blame them. Divorce is a scary word. I’m sure to them it came out of nowhere, but it never really does. Lanie and I were talking about that the other day. You see married couples and they seem so happy and put together. They seem like they have it all figured out. But the truth is, you have no idea what happens when they get home. You have no idea how they are really doing as a couple. As partners. And when you find out someone is splitting it, it’s always such a shock. But the truth is, if it’s come to that, there was probably something going wrong for a while.

The overall feeling I got when I shared my news was it felt like they thought I was giving up. I was turning my back on my marriage without even trying. They had never seen us fight or be angry at each other. They had never seen me crying because he was mean to me. Those things never happened. But it’s not always a mean spirit that breaks up a marriage. Sometimes things just fall apart on their own.

We had a good life. A beautiful home. Lots of friends. Trips, parties, celebrations. I wasn’t unhappy, in fact far from it. I was having the time of my life. But amongst all the good times, there was something was missing. And we both knew it. Passion. Chemistry. Most people think that’s not enough reason to walk away from such a perfect life. And maybe their right. But for me, all that good stuff couldn’t fill me up. There was always something missing. No matter how much I partied, drank, danced, shopped etc..there was always a something that didn’t feel quite right. When it was time to go to sleep, and I’d lay my head on the pillow, staring into the darkness. The silence was deafening and I had nothing left to distract me.

Do I just stay where I am spare the hurt feelings and shocked whispers? Or do I get truly honest with myself and brave the fall out that would surely come with my decision? I don’t think anyone understood how terrifying it is to make a decision like that. What if I’m alone for the rest of my life? What if I never find this connection that I’m yearning for? Is it better to just stay in my marriage and come to terms with the fact that not everyone has passion, chemistry and a perfect relationship? But the truth was, I wasn’t looking for perfect. I was looking for that deep connection. Something that tied my heart to someone elses. I thought time would fix it, but it didn’t. Fear of the unknown was staring me in the face.

Once the news was out, people were (as predicated) shocked. And there was fallout in the biggest way. But there was also support. My family didn’t understand and probably didn’t agree, but they were right there. They had my back, regardless of how upset they were. 95% of my friendships disappeared, but two stuck by me. No judgment. No trying to talk me out of it. Just there for me.

I think over time it became clear to everyone that I was never giving up. It’s actually the opposite. It’s about not giving up, especially on yourself, and just having the guts to start over. Finding happiness within yourself is truly difficult and something we all strive for. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but it was worth it. Things I wasn’t sure I’d ever have are now all mine. A good man who I’m totally in love with, a precious baby boy who is my whole world and a drive and motivation within myself to be the best that I can be.

Pierce Street Re-Do

Last night Rob and I went out to celebrate Steve's birthday. A group of us went to Karl Strauss for dinner and then to Pierce Street for some drinks and dancing. It was so great to go out with my man and have some fun. One of my favorite place to be with Rob is on the dance floor. It just feels so good to be out there, dancing close, letting loose. I look at him and feel so much love in my heart and the smile cannot be wiped off my face.

The last time I went to Pierce Street was, well, a total disaster. It was last August for my 35 birthday and I drank way too much. I drank Long Islands and shots all night and I'm sad to say, i don't remember much of the night. When I woke up in the morning I felt extremely embarrassed and mad at myself. I was told that I had a great time but I don't remember it. I was bummed that I drank so much that I didn't dance, which I love to do. Later I saw photos, and there I was on the dance floor. I was so mad at myself. It felt like a total waste of an evening because I didn't remember anything that happened. It's almost like I wasn't there. It left such a bad taste in my mouth and I guess you could call it "my bottom." I couldn't shake the feeling of shame and disappointment in myself. Rob and I both made a deal the next day that there would be no more long islands in our future.

Since that night, I have very rarely drank. When I have, it is has been in moderation. I haven't gotten drunk by any means. Even at Lexi's wedding, I had some wine, got a little bit of a buzz and stopped there. I think there was a part of me that was scared to drink too much for fear of getting into the state I was on my birthday. The great thing is, I haven't missed out on anything. I have a couple beers or cocktails and still have a great time without the hangover or guilt the next day. There have been birthdays, weddings, bbq's, get togethers, game nights and lots of other occasions, but I have had no desire to drink more than I can handle.

Last night was so much fun and it was even more great for me because I went back to the scene of the crime (Pierce Street) but this time I remember every song I danced to, every conversation I had, every funny moment, and I still had an awesome time. I had three beers with dinner and then when we got to the club I had one beer and two cocktails (Jauger and Red Bull.) It was the perfect amount to just get a slight buzz but still be in total control. And the bonus? instead of looking like a drunk idiot in the photos, I just look happy:)

Snip Snip

Dom is a professional at getting his haircut. He has had about nine or ten since he was born so he knows the drill. we used to take him the fancy kids place with the cartoons playing and cool firetrucks to sit in. But now that he's so experienced, he now goes to Supercuts like a big boy. It's so cute how he sits in the chair and knows to move his head. Only 18 months old and acting like a big kid:)

Chompers

The past two night Dom woke up in the middle night, crying inconsolably. I brought him into our bed because the poor thing was definitely not feeling well. I was worried that his ear infections hadn’t cleared up all the way since the last time it took two rounds of the antibiotics to make it go away.

Wednesday morning he woke up at 2:00am and I could tell he was in pain. He has different cries and I can tell if he’s just trying to play me or if he’s really crying. Something was wrong so I brought him into bed with Rob and I, but even that didn’t work. He laid down with me and after about 30 seconds popped up and said “hi!” I could tell he was tired because every now and then he would lay down with me and then shoot straight back up. I was thinking it must be his ears because it hurts to lay down. Rob got up at 4:00am to get ready for work so we all went into the living room and Dom figured it was a good time to play his drums and break out his blocks. By this point, I was crawling on my eyeballs and just wanted to sleep. I managed to get him to lay down with my about 5:00am and kept him there by showing him “Yo Gabba Gabba” clips from You Tube on my phone. He was totally into it and just wanted one after the other until he finally fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up at midnight and I was up with him until 2:00am. This was just not like him so I made an appointment to go back to Dr. Christianson to see what was going on. Well guess what? It wasn’t his ears. Poor Dom got his first molar!!! No wonder he was in so much pain. That’s a big tooth to rip through the gums and it defintily explains the crying and not being able to sleep. Now we knew what the problem was, I knew how to help him. Before bed he got some Motrin for the fever and pain, some teething tablets and lastly some Orajel to numb the guns. I got him into bed and prayed it worked because I was running on fumes and needed a good night’s sleep. He went to bed at 7:00pm and woke up at 6:30am, right on schedule. Phew!

Thank goodness we don’t remember these occasions. Can you imagine the pain of having a tooth rip through your gums? We still have some sleepless nights ahead of us because the tooth isn’t all the way out yet and let’s not forget the other big ones that need to make an appearance. But as long as we stay stocked up on Orajel and Motrin, it hopefully won’t be as bad as it was. You know what? It’s crazy to me that Dom is getting his molars. I remember when he had no teeth, just gums, and it seemed like he be like that forever. Then two bottom teeth sprouted and it was the cutest thing. Now all of a sudden he has a mouth full of chompers. Where is the time going?

Milestones!

Today is a day of milestones in our home. Sophie held going to the bathroom in her crate all night (10pm-7am) for the first time. This is a first for her and a big step in her crate training.

The second milestone is not as exciting. Dominic has figured out how to climb out of his pack n play. He’s only in it for about twenty minutes in the morning (while watching and dancing along to Yo Gabba Gabba) while I get ready for work. But this morning he threw one leg over and escaped. Rob and I knew It was coming…I just didn’t think it would be so soon. I’m not sure what I’m going to do now when I get ready for work. It seems he’s hitting all his milestones with stride and not looking back.

Bottle Be Gone

Dom and I made a deal a few weeks ago. Once the end of the year came, no more bottle. He wasn’t very pleased about this deal as he absolutely loves his bottle. I was kind of dreading how it was going to go, but I figured that if I gave him some warning that it was going away, it wouldn’t be too bad. I began the weaning about three weeks before D day. In the morning I would give him his milk in a sippy cup instead of his bottle and he would just throw it right on the floor. “nooooo!” Hmm, ok, this isn’t going as well as I’d hoped. In the evening he was allowed his bottle because I didn’t want it to effect his night time routine. As the weeks went by, I kept trying to give him is sippy cup at night but he was very sure of what he wanted. “Baaabaa!!!” That broke my heart. He’d run into the kitchen and point at his bottles, crying. What am I doing to my child? I’m depriving him of nutrients, healthy supplements and his God given right to a bottle! Ok, I was being a little dramatic, but you have to understand Dom’s bond to the bottle is also somewhat shared by me.

I had always planned on breast feeding. When I was pregnant, Rob and I talked about how it would cut costs but was also the best option for our baby because it’s packed with more good stuff then formula. Everyone referred to it as “liquid gold.” Ok, no problem. I got this! Then Dom was born and guess what? My boobs failed me. I tried for hours at a time trying to get more than a drop out, but nothing. The first week of Dominic’s life I tried frantically, every hour when he was hungry, to get into the right position, have the pillow in the right place, holding his little head, just trying to get him to latch on. He wasn’t having it. I tried pumping. All day. Every day. Rob even bought me a fancy electric pump that does the work for you, but there was just nothing there. Eventually, we just had to see it for what it was. Dom was going to be a bottle baby, and that was hard for me to take. I felt like I had let him down. My body couldn’t produce what he needed. My first duty as being a Mom and failed. So we put the boobs behind us and moved on. Dom loved his bottle. He would chug down his little 2 ounces of milk like he was in a beer drinking competition. Eventually, that 2 ounces per bottle grew to 4 ounces. Then 8 ounces. Then he was holding the bottle by himself. Then he would tell me “Baba” when he wanted his bottle. And now, here we are. 18 months later and no more bottle. Dom and I went through a lot with his bottle. The bottle did what I couldn’t do, and for that, I am so grateful.

It’s been a week and yesterday we made some progress. I gave him his sippy cup during dinner, with milk instead of his usual water. He actually drank some! Hallelujah! When we went out to dinner, he drank milk out of his sippie cup without a fuss. He hasn’t asked for his “baba” so that’s promising. I just can’t believe my baby boy doesn’t use a bottle anymore! He’s growing up so fast and is a toddler, not a baby. He amazes me every single day and I love him so much!

Another year comes to a close

I can’t believe another year is coming to a close. I often say “where did the time go?” and I’m still wondering. It seems like just yesterday Dom was a little newborn and now he’s almost 18 months old and a toddler. He has changed so much over the past couple months. He's gone from eating finger foods to eating with a spoon or fork. In the morning he loves to eat cereal and milk and I can't help but look at him in amazement.


His vocab is growing and he will try and repeat a word if you ask him “say…” Here is a current list of the words he knows:
Ball
Banana
Car
Truck
Grape
Please
No (one of his favorites)
Yes
Mine
Ice
Boss (Marcus)
Lex (Lexi)
Lala (Lanie)
Ena (Tina)
Yia Yia
Bapou
Mama
Dada
Foofa (from Yo Gabba)
Dodo (Dora the Explorer)
Baba (Gabba)
Dede (Dino Dan)
Babei (baby)
Watch
Hat
Bath
Buba (bubbles)
Wawa (water)
Cold
Phone
Dance (he loves this one too)
Woof woof
Frog
Bye
Hi
Coo (cool)
Wow
I’m sure I’m forgetting some, but those are most of them. He is really trying to communicate now and gets frustrated if we don’t understand what he’s asking us for. It seems like every day he is learning more and more and showing me all these new tricks he can do. To see his little face light up when he dances or to feel his little head on my shoulder when we snuggle, there is truly no greater feeling.


This year has really flown by but to look at Dom and how much he’s changed, it’s been a year packed of lots of learning, growing, loving and laughing. And some big occasions too. Dom turned one on July 3rd, 2010 and he was baptized on September 19th. Lex and Luciano got married on October 23, 2010! Three big moments in our life!

My life is very much about being on a schedule. I get up at 6:30am with Dom, get him dressed and give him breakfast, take Sophie out to go potty, feed Sophie breakfast, take her back out to go potty, get ready for work, drop Dom off at daycare, go to work, go home, tidy up, do laundry, dishes etc, pick Dom up from daycare at 5pm, come home and give him dinner, make dinner for Rob and I, hang out with Dom and play, give him a bath at 6:30pm, read him a story and bedtime at 7:00pm and then plop down on the couch ready for bed. That’s my life. Every day, all day. Monday-Sunday. I never thought this would be my life, but it is. And I love it. I sometimes marvel at myself that I’m able to do this every day, over and over again. Before you say “people do this every day, it’s not that big of a deal,” let me explain. I was always big on sleeping and not cooking. I wasn’t ever what one would consider a domestic goddess. Not even a domestic princess. Nothing close to the word domestic. And now, I cook dinner every night!


It’s amazing how you can change when you have a kid. I found a strength and desire in myself that I didn’t know was there. I found a love that I didn’t think could be real. There is nothing in this world that gives me as much joy as my baby boy. Just seeing his little face makes my whole day.


It’s funny how life just goes on. Something major could happen in your life, and it feels like the end of the world, or that things will be never be normal again. But somehow, the days continue to pass, the sun rises and sets. And suddenly a year has gone by. The beginning our journey was bumpy to say the least. But now it feels like we were always right here. My life feels like this is where I’m supposed to be. I love my little family and am continually thankful for all I have in my life. I can't wait to see what next year brings!

Double Ear Whammy

Dom went to the doctor today and it turns out he has a double ear infection! I had no idea! He hasn’t been sleeping as well as he usually does and has been putting up a fuss when it comes time to go to sleep, but I figured he was just testing his boundaries. He has never had a fever, never rubbed his ears etc so I was surprised to find out both of his ears were infected. Poor baby! We got his meds from Dr. Christianson and hopefully it will clear up quickly. I feel terrible that I didn’t know and he has been in pain, but he never displayed any of the tell tale signs. He just seemed a bit crankier than usual. What a tough cookie!

Bye Bye Bottle

Dom and I have made a deal. On January 1st, he will relinquish his bottle and make the jump to sippy cups to drink his milk. Doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, but it really is. It’s time to say goodbye to the beloved “Dr. Brown” bottles that have been a life saver over the past 18 months. It’s time to be a big boy and drink his milk like a toddler, not a baby. I don’t know how this is going to go down, but I’m hoping it won’t be too tough on him. I know he loves his bottle. A lot.I guess if all else fails, I'll just give him a straw. He's learned how to use it and now he loves them!

Puppy Love

If you know me, you know how long I have wanted a dog. I drag Rob out every chance I get to Fashion Island, Main Place Mall, pet stores and animal shelters…just so I can hold the doggies. We have talked about it a lot over the past year, especially the past 6 months. Is it too soon? Is Dom old enough? Do we have the time to dedicate to a dog? Is the expense too much? Are we ready to have our hands full? Well, I guess the answer is YES because today we brought home the newest member of our family, Miss Sophie McCool! We got a dog! A Bulldog puppy to be specific. She’s 8 weeks old tomorrow and she is the cutest lil thing ever. We got her from a breeder, and for whatever reason, we both just knew that she was the one. I’m so excited! Yes, it’s a lot of work, but I think our family really needed a doggie. It just feels right.

Picture Perfect

Mr. and Mrs. Alvear and my sweet baby boy.

Love!

Speak Out

Isn't it funny how hard it is for some of us to just say what's on our mind? You may have no problem telling your over opinionated friends she needs to chill out. It might be no sweat to tell that pushy teacher to ease up on your kid. And it's definitely no problem to tell some mouthy POS to you-know-what when they are being mean, rude or offending you. But why is it so hard when it's someone that you're closest with?

Fear. It's fear that you're going to hurt the person you're talking to. Fear of the person getting angry. Fear of causing a fight when you'd rather just keep the peace. Why is it so difficult to just open your mouth and speak the truth? Why are truth and fear directly connected to each other?

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I found that the time I was the most open about my feelings with my significant other was when I had no fear. I wasn't worried that they would get mad, hurt or leave. I didn't mind rocking the boat because I wasn't afraid of it capsizing. But along with the freedom of my mouth being filter free, came the feeling that something was missing. The love was there, just not in the form that it should be.

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For me, when it's real love, there is always some fear attached to it. It sounds kind of sad when I see these words on paper. It's not meant to be. I just need to find a balance that will allow the best of both worlds.

Pals

I love how Nicolas loves his family.

He told the waiter at House of Pancakes "this is my favorite cousin Dominic!"

Park Day

I took Dom to Tewinkle Park today and he loved it. We've been to parks before, but not since he's been totally mobile and able to run and walk. He had so much fun running all over the place, climbing on the jungle gym and going on the swings. There were lots of other kids there too, all older than him, and he loved that. He'd walk up to them and say "hi" in a casual, nonchalant kind of way. Some of those kids, by the way, are pretty bratty. They have no problem pushing other kids to get to the slide and run around like maniacs, almost knocking Dom over a few times. Where are the parents you ask? They are over on the bench with their Starbucks and fellow Mom friend discussing how cute it was when 8 year old Timmy threw his plate on the floor at dinner because he wanted chicken nuggets, not macaroni and cheese. Ok, ok, I guess that's sort of a generalization. Not all the Mom's are like that, but there are some that completely hang up their "Mom hat" while their kid is playing. They don't look up, they don't do a quick up glance to make sure the kid hasn't been abducted. Nothing.

There is a big sand pit behind the swings so I took Dom over to it for some sand castle building fun. I sat on the edge of the wall and stuck my feet onto the sand and sat him on my lap. As soon as I began to stand him up on the sand he lifted his legs and climbed back into my arms. Well, I wasn't expecting that! There was nothing that he liked about it. I tried showing him how fun it was to let it run through his hands but no, he was having non of it. The above photo is as close as he got to actually going into the sand pit.

There were a few dogs at the park and he was all excited, running up saying "woof woof!" If we ever got a dog, it would be fun to take him there too. We ended up playing for a couple of hours before the sun started to go down. Boo on 5pm sunsets! Dom was bummed to leave the park, but I promised we'd go back soon.

Cut Off

I have worked for my Dad for six years and for the past year, my hours were cut to part time. Business is slow and the economy still stinks so everyone is feeling the pinch. It's actually been a blessing because I have been able to spend a lot of time with Dominic for his first year of life. I got to see him crawl for the first time, take his first steps, say his first word. I supplemented my income by participating in a work share program through the government. They basically paid a portion of my wages for the days that my hours were cut. It's worked out great and I'm thankful that opportunity was there.

But unfortunately, it's come to an end. I knew it would, but I was anticipating it being at the end of December. Turns out, I used up the annual maximum per person and so my last check was in September. The worst part? I got no notice, no warning. The checks just stopped coming. Now I'm out $1,000 per month and have to figure out a solution asap. There is a slight chance I can reapply and still get some finanical assistance, but it won't be as much as before. I'm going to submit my paperwork and see what happens though.

I was dreading telling Rob because he works so hard and we were finally at a place where things were going pretty good. The bills were getting paid, we went out to eat a couple times a month, Dominic had a full bounty of toys and new clothes. I was nervous to tell him that now I have lost half my income because I didn't want him to be stressed out and upset. After really thinking about why I was nervous, I figured it out. I really wanted Rob to say "it's ok babe, I got this, don't worry." I wanted him to swoop in and save the day. I wanted him to save me.

I have never been "saved" by any man except my Father. My Dad has been the only man I have ever truly trusted 1000% to be there for me no matter what. I never doubted that if I fell, he'd pick me up without even blinking. I could count on him until the end of time. I always felt that no matter what happens in this life, I can turn to my Dad to make it all better. No judgement, no making me feel bad about it....just love. Maybe that's an unfair expectation for another man to compete with. Big shoes to fill. Maybe I set myself up to fail on that one.

Not once has a man that I have been in a relationship with ever come in and saved the day. I have always either paid the way for both of us, or split things down the middle. I'm not saying I want someone to totally support me for the rest of my life so that I can sit around and do nothing...I pride myself on being independent and always taking care of myself. But I wonder what it would be like to not worry about money all the time.

I was so caught up in wanting Rob to "save the day" when I told him about the news that I totally lost focus on the actual problem at hand. We can't afford for me to work part time. That's a no brainier. I need to bring in more money. That's a given. Why did I think, even for a second, that this wasn't the case? It's not Rob's responsibility to make the extra $1,000 appear out of no where. He's already working two jobs. The truth is I just wanted to feel taken care of by my man and have him miraculously come up with a solution and the extra money. I feel sort of ashamed to admit that, because that's so not who I am. I have never expected anyone to carry me, so why was I yearning for that response?

I finally snapped out of it and remembered that this is the real world. I had to pull my head out of the clouds and refocus. Rob and I are a team. We both need to be pulling our weight. As much as I love and cherish my my never ending and tireless job as a Mom and as a "wife," it's a non paying gig. So even though I know I'm working my ass off all day every day, unless someone is cutting me a check, it's not going to fly.

The best part about all this is, when I told Rob, he wasn't mad or upset. He didn't make me feel bad about it. He was logical in his thinking and actually made me feel better about the whole thing by talking to me about it in a calm and interested way. It turns out he did make me feel taken care of... by reminding me that we are a team. We're a family and we do this together.

My plan is to ask my Dad for more hours. I'm not sure it's even a possibility, but it's worth a shot. Plan B is to find a new job, which I (and my Dad) would be heart broken about. The other sad fact is that my baby will have to go to daycare full time. That means our Monday and Friday time together is a thing of the past. I'll miss spending the day with him, running our errands, going to the park etc. But I'm thankful I got to spend his first year with him, watching him hit all his milestones with flying colors.

This is all part of the journey and we'll get through it like we always do.

Got a dollar?

I saw this the other day and thought I'd pass it along:

7 Good Things to do with a Dollar

1. Buy from a lemonade stand, a bake sale, or another fundraiser
2. Leave a dollar in a vending machine for someone else to find it
3. pay the toll for the car behind you
4. buy a sheet of stickers and hand them out to kids
5. put four quarters in parking meters
6. tip a street musician
7. send a thank you card to someone who made a difference in your life

Splitting Hairs

Dom knows how to grow a full head of hair. He's had about 7 haircuts since he was born. The stuff is thick and dense and just keeps growing!



Usually we take him to "Cool Cuts for Kids" where he sits in an airplane or fire engine while watching cartoons on the tv in front of him. Pretty smart set up for kids, but it takes forevvvver for the stylist to finish. They always go soooo slow, taking their time and then some. By the time we leave, we're out $20 and 45 minutes!



Dom is now a connoisseur so he no longer needs that baby stuff so this time we took him to Super Cuts by our house. We brought his little step stool from Ikea to sit on and voila! He sat in the chair like a big boy and let his stylist, Bhernard, work his magic. $13 and 10 minutes later we were outta there!

Ta Daaa! This should keep the hair out of his eyes for at least a month or two.....

Go Big Red

Our family, decked out in our Arizona Cardinals gear!

Testify

I found an email that Lanie sent to me on Novemeber 5th, 2007. It had been forwarded to her and she was sharing the goodness. Weirdest thing ever....today is Novemeber 5th, 2010. (No seriously, it is. I know. So weird, right?) So much change has happened over the past 3 years, it's nice to know that these valuable nuggets of advice are still to swallowed whole like an every day life lesson vitamin.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, cheese, and or comfort foods,
resistance is
futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their
journey
is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye no matter what you
do... so
don't forget to close your eyes and breath every once in awhile.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get
busy
dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up
to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an
answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except "you".

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years,
will
this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will.
Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. Music heals, listen to it so loudly that you can't even hear your
own
voice as you sing at the top of your lungs in the shower or your car.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Vote.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd
grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

51. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

16 Months Cub

My little boy is such a toddler these days. 16 months old and he's turning into a whole new kid. He runs around the house with his drum sticks, banging on the walls and climbing anything we'll let him. His legs seems to have grown overnight, and when I look at him sitting in his car seat, i wonder how he got so tall!

His vocab is increasing too. Now, whenever he sees Cuddles he says "bad cat!" Yea, ok, so I taught him that, but in my defense, she is usually being annoying or scratching at something she shouldn't be. He'll also says "cracker" when he wants his goldfish or a cookie, splish splash when it's time for a bath and a few others. Here's the full list:

Dada

Mama

Yia Yia

Bappa (Bapou)

What's this/that

Cracker

Splish Splash

Bye

Hi

Waa waa (water)

Baba (bottle)

Bubba (bubbles)

Ba Ca (Bad Cat, ie Cuddles)

WOW

Uh oh

Bless (whenever someone sneezes or coughs)

Eye (while sticking his finger in my eye)

Da (yes-when he's doing his German accent)

Aye (yes- when he's doing his Irish accent)

I love how he points his tiny little finger at everything. He is still asking us "what's this" or "what's that" a thousand times a day. He knows the correct sounds for dog, cat, duck, lion, monkey, cookie monster and his newest one, a dinosaur. He also knows where to point when you ask him where his nose, teeth, eye and belly button are. We are currently working on ears and head.

With all these exciting new developments, there are also some bad habits that have shown up. In a word, crankypants. Hmmm, maybe that's two words, but never the less, Dom sure can be moody when he wants to be. He will throw his toys, push me away, make his body turn to jello and just kind of melt down. He had this fave he makes if he's mad and it's really the cutest thing ever. He furrows his browns and really makes a scowl on his face. There is no misunderstanding how he's feeling at that moment.

He's also figured out that he's pretty hilarious. If you ask him to make a funny face, he'll do this weird (and hilarious) thing where he sticks out his arms, makes them very tense and then shakes them while freezing. When I laugh he throws his head back and laughs too. He's finding new ways to express his emotions, which is good. But along with that comes more meltdowns, more struggles with just getting his pj's on sometimes and more work for Mommy.

It's kind of amazing how much more tiring it has been this past month. Now that he is fully mobile and wants to be in everything, there is no rest unless he's napping or in bed for the night. I love his curiosity and really let him try to explore as much as possible, as long as he's not in danger. He's figured out how to pull himself up into the couch and he is so proud of himself for that. He also likes the climb on the arms which could result in him falling off, so it's eagle eyes at all times. I do love how he knows how to get down though, always feet first and slides down to the floor. He loves to turn his chair upside down and find new ways of sitting or standing it. Pretty creative huh?

Monday was Dom's first time using a spoon all by himself. I was really dreading the mess it was going to make while he figured out how to get it into his mouth without spilling it. But guess what? I showed him once and he totally got it! There was very little applesauce on the floor and mostly ended up in his mouth. He loved being a big boy and feeding himself and it kept him entertained for about 20 mins! The next night we took a shot at jello and then introduced him to a fork. He stabbed at his turkey dogs and chicken and was able to get a couple on there. When he would get frustrated he'd just pick up a piece and stick it on the fork, or straight into his mouth.

Teething is still part of our life. He's got four on top and four on bottom now and his back molars are starting to come in. I have to say, he's been pretty great so far. Not too much fussing or crying. Now that he has some chompers, he loves, loves, loves to brush them. It just might be one of his favorite things to do right now.

Music is still the one thing that can stop Dom in his tracks. He loves when the various bands play on "Yo Gabba Gabba" and now will dance in the living room or in his car seat. He has figured out how to spin in a circle and it's pretty funny to watch him get dizzy and then try again.

I'm happy to say he's totally adjusted to daycare. He was pretty much there, but he was still crying when I would drop him off in the morning. For the past 2-3 weeks there have been no tears at all. It's the best feeling be able to drop off a happy baby in the morning!

He's still sleeping through the night with a typical schedule of bed at 7pm and waking up at 6:30am. I never thought I'd be getting up so early every single day, but it just seems so normal now. Even when I'm really tired and am wishing for five more minutes, as soon as I see his face, I don't even care that he woke up early at 5:30am and peed through his diaper. I'm instantly awake and ready to take of my Cub. Funny how being a Mom just kind of takes over:)

Halloween

Actual Halloween day was kind of a bust. We took Dom around our neighborhood at 5pm and we got hardly any action. Most people weren't ready for trick or treaters so they told us to come back when it got dark. Um, hello, my kid is 1 and is in bed by 7pm. We did have a TON of kids ring our doorbell looking for candy, and Dom actually had more fun seeing all the kids than going door to door.

These photos are actually from a couple days before Halloween. We met up with Steve, Martha and the kids at their school for a Halloween carnival fundraiser they were doing. It was totally last minute, but luckily Dom already had his Tigger costume on stand by. My parents got it for him about 5 months ago and now it was showtime. I threw a little eyeliner on his nose and cheeks and he was good to go.



The cutest thing about this costume is when he walks, the spirialy tail on his butt bounces up and down. It's adorable! Dom loved running around, saying hi to all the other kids and paying some carnival games with this Uncle Steve.



It was his bedtime by the time we left and he was pooped out. I know I'm his Mom, but I think it's safe to say he was the cutest kid there:)

Wedding threads

Well, it's official. Lexi is now a married woman! I can hardly believe it. The wedding was beautiful and full of love and joy. Everything went perfectly and thankfully there was no rain. Lexi was the most beautiful bride I have I ever seen and the happiness that her and Luciano shared that day is something I will never forget.

Dominic look so incredibly cute, it was hard to not kiss and squeeze him a thousand times. He was supposed to walk down the isle with Nicolas and Max but the poor Cub was so tired and overstimulated by 2pm, it just didn't happen. But it definitely didn't take away from how adorable he looked in his black converse and suspenders:)

Snuggles

When Dominic was a baby, he would always love to snuggle and fall asleep in my arms. I loved it so much that I would just hold him during his whole nap. These days he's more indpendent and doesn't even want to snuggle in the morning.

On this particular day, he was exhauted from playing at his cousins house and when I tried to put him down for a nap when we got home, he passed out. The problem was that it was already 3:00pm so when 4:00pm rolled around and he was still sleeping, I had to go wake him up. He'd never sleep that night if he didn't get up. When I scooped him out of his crib, my poor baby was still so tired that he nestled his head onto my shoulder and proceeded to pass out again. It just felt so good that I let him sleep another 20 mins:)

Snapshot Love

The man that can make me laugh, has my heart. And when you look as good as Rob does in a hat, it's a done deal:) I love this photo...it's cheeky, and totally us.


Rob took me to San Diego for the weekend and we had a great time. On Sunday we went to the Cardinals vs. Chargers football game which was a blast! On Saturday night we went downtown and got prime seating at a bar/restaurant called "Nicky Rottens." They had great music, food and beer prices so it was a win all around. We sat out on the patio all night, people watching, making new friends, talking, singing, just enjoying each other.


Life can get busy so it was nice to slow down for a sec and have some time alone. This was the first time we've had a trip away alone since I was pregnant so it was long overdue. But I have to be honest, we both missed Dominic.....but can you blame us?

52 Card Pick Up

Lately he's been practicing letter sounds. I'll hear him in the back seat of the car making throaty "chhh" noises, or hissing like a snake. He still asks "what's this" every five minutes and I love how interested he is in everything. The words his saying right now are "plane" (every time he hears one in the sky,) waa waa (for his sippy cup of if he sees a pool, fountain or any body of water,) baa baa (for his bottle of milk,) baaaaa (this goes for balloons and bubbles,) Baabe (this is baby, whenever he sees himself in a photo or his cousins when they were younger,) and of course DA! (this is whenever he sees his Daddy, he gets super excited and cheers his name out loud!

Dominic found a pack of cards and now loves taking them all out the packet and playing with them. Sometimes he'll pick one or two and hide them in different areas of the living room. One usually goes into the "oven" or "microwave" of his play kitchen. Since the original packet the cards came in is long demolished, I've been keeping them in a little fabric box. Dom loves to dump the cards out and then go crazy swirling them around or kicking them with his feet. I just may have a little card shark on my hands!